First post! I’ve Cried all night & ne... - CHADD's ADHD Pare...

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First post! I’ve Cried all night & need help !

Nia_L
Nia_L

My son is 6 years old not yet diagnosed with ADHD as assessment completed over Zoom call and assessor not satisfied. Instead advised me to look online at sleep therapy !!!! However, the school referred him, they’re satisfied and I’m satisfied it’s ADHD awaiting ANOTHER assessment so I can be given correct help.

How do you cope with family members that don’t understand your child and judge your parenting skills instead?

I don’t know what to write I’m tired of being in public at family events and other people tell him off or shake their head at his behaviour. Am I supposed to scream “HE HAS ADHD”? I’ll tell him off and it goes in one ear n out the other then I look like I haven’t trained him well. He gets over emotional and has angry unexpected outburst. He now has a thing of jumping on sofas, if we are visiting family members he’ll jump all over their sofas he eventually stops after telling him off constantly !!

I need Support im a single mum with a 6 year old and a new born! I’m finding it soo embarrassing.

17 Replies
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Sometimes, kids develop Oppositional Defiant Disorder bc of the constant over correction from adults in their lives. Have you taken your son to see a Neurologist? ADHD is considered a disability and it is important that he be seen by a Neurologist vs mental health practitioners. It makes a difference. I am not sure if the school recommended one, but typically they do. In my case, it was my child's pediatrician.

Also, try to keep you son active as possible. It really helps with sleep at night. I learned the hard way with allowing too much TV time and video games. Those types of activities must be limited. It is hard, but it will get easier; esp as your baby gets older. With Covid19 things are different, but reach out anytime. I will try to give the best advice I can. My son is close in age to yours.

Thank you for this. I’ve just followed back

Find a new Dr, or child Psychologist. My son has severe ADHD, and was diagnosed at 4. He's 5 now, is in active behavioral therapy, my wife and I do zoom sessions for how to react to him, and he's on medication. He so far is doing great. He's a very sweet, smart kid, just needs the proper help. Good luck. Mental health is not addressed properly in this nation. Mental health is just as important as physical health.

Nia_L first your little man is going through a little crazy faze. Yes he is different, yes he is energetic, yes you are proud. BUT....society/family is wanting proper maintained little boy behavior

Your little man is crazy but also amazing. Your job is to sit back and be proud of him. (hint....tell your son the “expectations” when going to a store, visiting friends, etc. Hour little man is super excited to please and help you so allow him to help you.

Anxiety having a different child is typical BUT the more proud you are in you son—let others know. No questioning yourself. Embrace his “mentality” so he dosas not feel that he is odd.

It sounds like you are an amazing Mother...don’t question yourself. Embrace every cool, unusual, interesting thing your little man does or said.

Take a deep breath....doing good Mom!!

Nia_L
Nia_L in reply to MrsKlco

Aww Thanks for this encouragement, really needed it.

Hi. Family can be tough. No one without a child with ADHD can understand. What I tell my son (and myself) is that you can only control your own actions, not someone else's perception of you. Controlling what others think of you or what you are doing (in most cases, what you BELIEVE they think; in reality, they have likely judged you less than you think) is a losing game. It is best not to play. If you feel the need to post, post here. We will understand. We won't judge you a.d we'll try to help. Hang in there! It's a marathon.

Nia_L
Nia_L in reply to ADHD_DAD

Thank you soo much. I really needed to reach out to parents in the same position as me. It’s very hard and frustrating

I think you give him a number of tools to sleep better and see if his behavior changes. If it does not change then approach it again.

Some tools to help him sleep: Meltonin, weighted blanket, dark shades, cool room and get as much energy out before bed time.

Have you considered counseling for your self and son?

Nia_L
Nia_L in reply to Onthemove1971

Thank you! I’ve tried this before he doesn’t like to sleep as it’s boring so tries his best to avoid sleep or even staying in his room. Yes, I’ve tried counselling for myself not for him though. Thanks I’ll look into this

Girl, I know exactly how you feel. My son was and still is the odd one out. I stopped taking my son to events because it’s not his fault that he has ADHD. It’s not his fault he can’t focus and has extra energy. I snap back at people that can’t understand that he’s just a child. ADHD or not, he’s a child. If they can’t understand that then they aren’t the right ones to be around until you have things worked out for him, you know? My son is on Adderall now so he’s mellowed out but I still keep a distance from those who think so poorly about him or myself. People act like it’s a choice to how he behaves and it’s nothing like that. You got this. You don’t need them looking down at you. You’re attention is on that sweet baby boy, not their drama.

So many great comments already on ADHD and other help. I just wanted to chime in that poor sleep really can cause quite serious ADHD symptoms in children without ADHD and should seriously be looked at if you have a child who snores. Sometimes, for those kids, tonsillectomy/ adenoidectomy can make a night and day difference. On the other hand—and further confusing things— many kids with ADHD also have troubles sleeping, especially if they’re also on the spectrum. So I get your frustration with another referral! Hope it all gets sorted soon!

I can talk with you on the phone . I have experience with my own daughter. She is now 13 but I have had trouble for years ! Here is my # 562 706 6994. In addition I am looking to help a family with a newborn. I have been a nanny for several years and a teacher .

I have 2 kids with ADHD, ages 9 and 10. Simply telling him over and over to stop a behavior will never work. You need to find another way. During a quiet moment with him (maybe around bedtime?) start having regular talks with him. Reconnect about what's going on with his life (every day). Ask him if he feels good when he's jumping on someone's sofa and you repeatedly tell him to stop. Explain why it's important not to do x behavior. Ask him what he thinks you can both do differently. Should you remind him before entering the door? Should you hold his hand? Should he sit on your lap? Should he have some activity to do? Ask him what the consequences should be if he's not able to do x. Ask what you should try this time. And what you should try if that doesn't work. Tell him that you love him no matter what.

Go to ImpactParents.com and ADDitudeMag.com - both have free articles and ADDitute has some free webinars.

BTW - he's probably also reacting to having a new sibling. Set up some times just with him (every day) so he doesn't feel left out. Ask him to help you out with the baby - like having him read to the baby or keep the baby occupied with a toy while you're changing the diaper. Ask him to bring you some water and a snack when you're nursing the baby (share the snack with him). Explain that you're overwhelmed and tired and that these little things will really help you out. It will also help him bond with his sibling and re-bond with you. Thank him when he does help out. ADHD kids need a lot of positive reinforcement to offset the boatloads of negative things they hear every day.

We've all been there! It will get better.

Hang in there, mama!

Family is sooo tough. I have three kids, two with my ex, one with my current husband. My oldest is the only one diagnosed with ADHD. When my oldest two were almost five and three, my ex and I split. The kids and I ended up moving into my parents living room. (Worst.two.years.of.my.life)

Around that time, E was evaluated by psychologists at the University of Michigan for both Autism and ADHD.

My mom thought it was BS, and all E needed was a good spanking. I let him get away with too much.

My dad, a retired teacher knew about both disorders, but thought medication was mostly overused. We were there for a month before he got on board with medicating E. My mom never really bought into the whole not spanking. She'd go to appts with E's social worker, nod her head, say the right things, and the minute we were back in the car, went back to he needs a firmer hand. Spanking him won't hurt. My parents got into so many arguments because mom tried to step in and discipline E, and my dad told her to back off and let me handle it. Now, my mom uses E's diagnosis as a blanket excuse for everything.

You do what you feel is right for your family. Tell the naysayers where they can shove their negative critism.

Good luck!

I hear you. My oldest is just weeks away from being 18. When he was that age, I was also a single parent and he was so hyper. People were just plain mean to the both of us and so judgmental. It took a few years before doctors started listening to my concerns and finally diagnosed him with ADHD and a few other co-existing disorders. Unfortunately, there will always be a lot of individuals that will never comprehend what you and your little on is going though and their out there just a bit harder to find; those that do understand and those that can help. Through some good counselors, some trial and errors with providers and medications, some rather good teachers with the right training and my son has done well. I should also mention, I took a lot of parenting classes just to find a variety of training and resources. Cause, I learned, not everything works for my child. I had to not be afraid to be that parent that was sitting down in the parking lot next to my vehicle while my son just screamed do to being tired or over stimulated for several minutes. Until he got it all out and was able to regain control. I had to bring a lot of options for him to focus on and allow him to choose what of those options he could gain interest in and keep himself focused on to keep calm. I also had make sure he got lots of physical exercise to burn off the excess energy before going somewhere and then frequent breaks. I had to limit the amount of time I spent any one place to meet his ability levels. It was so hard at first and can still be. I am now married with 5 kids, what I learned with him has helped me each time a new little one came along. I hope this helps in some way. Hugs

I think all parents of kids with ADHD feel your pain. My family often would tell me that I was too hard on my son or that I was just being dramatic. It wasn’t until recently my mother noticed the difference between my son when he is medicated and when he is not. She has a better understanding for what we deal with on a month basis.

Much like some of the others posting on this thread, we started 1:1 therapy for my son along with parental behavior therapy for additional help on how to manage his behavior. We are about half way through the sessions and I have learned so much about how my emotions are impacting him and how I interact with my son.

I would check into this therapy- they may help you get a formal diagnosis.

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