Need help and Support

[Spiritual0412]

Hi! My name is Tyra and I am a parent with an 8-year-old son who was diagnosed with ADHD in January of 2023! This journey has been very overwhelming for me and I can't imagine how my son feels! I'm in the Atlanta, Ga area and if anyone has any suggestions or recommendations on any Child Psychiatrist, Communities for kids with ADHD, Schools, Scholarships and Programs to help my son thrive academically and socially. The 2023-2024 school year will be staring soon and I'm frantically searching for Catholic and Private schools with smaller class sizes to help my son get the best education experience that works for him! in researching, it appears that most registrations were in January and February, which is frustrating because I would prefer, he not return to the public school system this year! Any suggestions on where to start? I'm looking for any opportunities to help my son be the best person he can be. In closing, I don't have any help and support by his father because he's still in denial about it and refuse to accept his diagnosis! At this point, it's just him and I! We are the J-Team (my son name is Jadon) .. Any help would be extremely appreciated! Thank you!

[GoDukes]

Tyra, I sympathize with your situation but you are not alone. There are a lot of similar stories on here. I can't help you with your local school or physicians, but I do encourage you to do as much research and be his biggest advocate. My experience is that no doctors or teachers advocated for my son as much his mom and I did. My son is 14 now and was diagnosed around 7. We didn't want to put him on meds for awhile and tried lots of other things. Ultimately we put him on meds knowing that this was just part of the treatment plan and hoping that he would only need them until he matured. It is not a decision we have regretted at all. We've had to try multiple meds over the years to find a good fit but it has been worth the effort. Other than that, we've worked on strategies with him to be organized, self-calming and mindful. Above all else, he needs you support and compassion because even when the kids are acting out or rebelling, and we've had some bad situations, I believe a lot of that came from of his pain, confusion and lack of self esteem. We always let him know how much we love and support him. Things are much better now and I don't know if it is because we found the right meds or if he has just matured but hang in there. Do your research and know that solutions are different for everybody but your work will pay off in the long run. Good luck!

[arrh121]

Before leaving the public schools you may want to consider reaching out to more parents of special needs kids in your district. Is there a parent association for special ed in your district?

When we were considering our options, we found that the services available in our district were far better than anything we could get at a private school. We had to learn a lot about advocating for our child, the process of getting an IEP, etc, but ultimately we got a lot of services in our school which were very helpful.

[Mamamichl]

I work in public schools as a paraprofessional. I wasn’t diagnosed until 38. Smaller class sizes wouldn’t have helped me, but that’s because my biggest symptom was rejection sensitivity. I got my kid a 504, and it will help her get more attention in the classroom. Iep’s are also an option if needed. Many parents want their kids to be in private schools for your reasons. Some work out well, but some schools are not as forgiving on adhd behaviors or making accommodations as public schools. Some main things that help kids with adhd in the classroom is preferential seating (either close to teacher for focus, or back of the class so they can move around), lots of fidgets, hands on activities, etc. many kids with adhd seem to do well in Montessori classrooms since they are more hands on.

[Onthemove1971]

Yes, I was going to add that one thing to think about is how to write 504 that will support his needs. The thing that may help is learning all the options for classrooms in the public school system. Often what is really needed is to having his needs meet is what parents want and need. What has worked best is: 504 plan, therapy, modified parenting and medication ( some people would also add intensive exercise program) . Once we had all of these in place our son was able to do much better in school in life.

It also helps to have other parents that help share and guide you on this journey. If possible read old posts on this site when you need to learn how to approach any situations.

Bug hug from the group and welcome.

[BLC89]

Hello Spiritual0412,

I would approach which ever school you find could be a good fit and plead your case. You didn't know before their deadline that he would need the extra support that particular school offers. I wouldn't worry that their deadlines have passed, keep calling until someone will listen to your case. You have nothing to lose.

Secondly it can be really tough when one parent is in denial about the situation, regardless of what the situation is. It creates a walking-on-eggshells type environment. Is it possible to pique your husbands curiosity about ADHD? There is so much science out there supporting everything we who experience it already know. If you could ask him why he doesn't like the idea or what source he would accept as valid so you all can be on the J Team that would be huge. Even if he is just willing to pretend that he accepts ADHD as a thing, he doesn't have to change his mind, just play along for the family's sake that would be helpful.

If you are headed back to public school then get a 504 or IEP in place for your son so he has the support he needs to be successful. That is a process but worth it because it is backed by the federal laws of Special Education (IEP) and Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) for the 504. It gives you some muscle behind your requests for your child.

ADHD comes with many coexisting conditions such as dyslexia, dysgraphia, anxiety, depression, among others. If you son has a learning difference along with ADHD maybe your husband could get behind that as far as supporting your son and what he needs. Dyslexia (affects the ease with which a person reads, writes, and spells) and Dysgraphia (inability to write coherently) have a big impact on learning but when coupled with ADHD can be brushed aside because "they" figure your child just isn't paying attention.

Psychologytoday.com is a great place to search for support in your area. You can find counselors, therapists, psychologists and psychiatrist who specialize in ADHD and other learning differences or can offer evaluations. They may also have info on support groups, learning centers, etc.

Lastly, I always encourage parents to talk to their kids about how they are wired differently. That lets them know they are not broken they are trying to fit into a system that was not designed for them and has difficulty accommodating them. Talk about how some people believe that ADHDers are lazy or not trying hard enough and help him reinforce himself against those attitudes. If he knows they are coming he can be prepared. Knowing you are up against a challenge makes it a bit less challenging. Knowing you are wired differently makes it a whole lot easier to judge the system instead of themselves. If you can curb or extinguish the negative self-talk you have won the game. Truly!

Good luck,

BLC89