Need some guidance

[KarenWG]

Hello all - I am new here.

I've had a really tough summer with my 7 year old son. He has ADHD and may well be starting to show signs of ODD or maybe even a mood disorder.

Up until this summer I have had zero issues managing him, but now just about anything can turn into a battle. He gets upset when I give his 3 year old sister attention and keeps saying that I don't love him and that his life is a prison and scariest of all in his storms of rage he has said that he wants to die.

I am trying to get him help, but in our area there are not enough providers and it takes months to get in. For now I have him enrolled in a study for a medication that has traditionally been used as an antidepressant. It does seem to help some of his symptoms but it leaves him in a bad mood and seems to take the joy out of him.

I love my little guy and I am worried.

School starts tomorrow and I hope that the structure will help him, but I am of course concerned given his state.

Any advise on how we can hobble along until midSeptember?

[ZosMom]

Hi and welcome to our little village. I felt like I was reading my own story as I read yours. My son is 9 now with ADHD and very likely ODD. He’s very jealous of his 3yr old brother and does a lot of negative self talk. It was his talk of death that led us to a child therapist and he sees her every month. The therapist has really helped him with the negative talk although it still comes out now and then. I’ve developed a good relationship with school officials and he has a 504 plan. He’s on medication but we’re still trying to find the right med/dose as he can also get pretty zombie like. I feel for you, hang in there - it’s a lot of trial and error unfortunately. You’re doing well ❤️

[Onthemove1971 in reply to ZosMom]

Please know we are here for you, big hug. We all experience a huge change from school to summer and how again with school starting such a change in behavior.

Hope once he gets back into the swing of thins life will be much better. Please try to get him into a counselor.to talk about what he is doing/ how he is acting and steps that be taking tok change that both you and him.

With the medication it is an art, hope you are working with a skilled pediatric psychiatrist who can find the right type and dose and it often takes more than one type.

Just know it will help you and him to become more normal.

Welcome to our world...

[KarenWG in reply to ZosMom]

Big hugs to you ZosMom. I am glad that therapy has been helping your son. I do think we need to get my son in therapy and on medication.

Hoping we can get to that point without too many bumps and bruises on the way.

[Mudpies]

Welcome, I’m so glad you have joined our group. I too feel like I’m reading our story. We have a 7yo boy who has a 3yo brother. We had a tough summer too. Please know that you are not alone. Hopefully you can stay in close contact with his teacher once school starts so you know how things are going there. I don’t have any advice but I’m happy to share some of our “things”. One thing that was recommended by our therapist and has helped me and our son is that I lay down with him every night at bedtime and we talk for about 30 minutes. I usually lay there quietly and let him start the conversation. Or I just tell him that I love him so much and then I stay quiet. It has not changed his ups or downs but it has helped our relationship. I don’t respond emotionally no matter what he says I just listen. If it really bothers me I journal about it later so I can “say” the things I want to say without saying them to him. No matter what he says when I get up to leave I tell him I love him. Medication, I agree that it is an art and is not usually one and done. For nearly everyone it’s trial and error. It sounds like you’re doing the right things. Therapy is also helping my son get some of his feeling out in a safe way. Routines have also helped us. We are doing the same things at the same time every day. His therapist recommended giving him more choices so he feels like he has some control. For example when he has a 5 minute window to do something in I can tell him that he can do _____ now or in 2 minutes. It gives him the sense of being in control while still getting things done in the timeframe needed. These are some things that are working for us. I hope you find the information helpful. Big hugs!!!

[KarenWG in reply to Mudpies]

Thanks Mudpies- big hugs to you too!

And thank you for the helpful advice. My son loves to talk and open up at bedtime.

I think I need to work on journaling my feelings more, when upset by some of our talks.

I’m going to try your other pointers too!

[123boys]

Hello and hang in there!

I have the same issues with my son. He is incredibly jealous of his 4 year old brother not as much of his 18-month-old brother. Last year we had the same issues of dark language (saying he wanted to kill himself, kill others, blow up the school). He has a lot of anger and can't control his emotions.

He went to behavior counseling for a year and half, and we are currently trying to figure out correct meds/dose. What worked best to reduce dark language was tying it to a reward chart. If he used dark language or ran out of his classroom, he would not get to do device time.

It is very difficult as a parent to not know how to help your child. I hope you find a way to help him quickly.

[kondasa]

I think the structure of school will really help him! I could be at home with my 7 year old daughter with ADHD, but I choose to send her to very structured day camps for about 60% of the summer. The reason I do this is because she needs the structure in her day and I know I cannot provide it. When she does have 2 weeks at home with me, but almost doesn't know what to do with herself and her ADHD symptoms spike out of control.

I think school is going to be great, but it may take a month or two to get into the routine. It did with my daughter after being home all last summer.

[anirush]

Sometimes antidepressants can cause irritability if they are on those without mood stabilizers or ADHD medicine.

We have also dealt with medicines that makes Behavior worse instead of better. Unfortunately it's all trial and error because you don't know how one child's body is going to react.

Hope you are able to get some help soon