HI!
One thing that frustrates me (and I don't know everyone's situations), is why as parents do we accept the hitting? We focus on the child's needs SO much, that we allow them to get away with anything because they have ADHD. You as a person deserve a much better home life. So does their siblings. Here's my question.... fast forward 20 years... how are you going to feel when your child is abusing his wife? Or his future children? That was my wake-up call. What I was allowing in my house, is going to be how my children (with/without ADHD) will treat their children. I made a decision to make a change. I realized that I don't accept bad behavior from my non-adhd child, WHY do I accept it from ADHD child? One of the problems was myself, and I needed a makeover.
I'm married to an ADHD male, who we did have our fair share of really rough beginnings to our marriage. Including these types of behaviors we see in our kids. Let me tell you, they don't outgrow it. He's 46, and has outburts, and says mean things and treats people poorly.... He's now seeing a psychiatrist and a ADHD coach.
So when my ADHD son started down the same path, we stopped as a family. I remember a very low point... and the 4 of us sat together, crying, sad, mad, hurt, emotions just broken, dejected, and we made some family rules that ALL of us agree to on a daily basis.
#1 was no hitting.
#2 hugging instead of yelling
#3 not accepting swearing
#4 EVERY person has a voice in the family, and EVERYONE is heard.
#5 ADHD does NOT equal disrespect
It wasn't easy in the beginning. Both my children (ADHD and not), had to have me have a strong constitution. But after a week, we celebrated some small wins. Then those grew to bigger. It's been about 5 months of working HARD.... so hard my house doesn't get clean, and I order pizza too much... and probably too many margarita's at night mixed with tears/exhaustion.
The last three weeks my ADHD son was able to come home, start AND complete his homework AND have time for technology afterwards. He smiles... he hugs... he is even sharing and playing with his little sister. He's done chores. All of this is on his own, without us even being home aftershool! (He's 12, in the 7th grade).
We are a much more calm and loving family.... we can do simple things now, like cook together, or watch a movie together. I've slept the last week away... and I know this will always be a battle. But this week, my family is winning.
It is possible. This plan worked for our family, find what will work for yours. Stick up for yourselves!