Issues in middle school

[BVBV]

Hi Folks,

My son is 11 years old and in the 5th grade. Unfortunately our district ran out of room in the elementary schools so 5th grade is now part of middle school.

My son has ADHD and Tourette’s and was previously medicated in 1st-2nd grade. We seriously tried all medications and then went meds free in 3rd-4th grade and part of 5th.

My son has a EBD IEP he got at the end of 2nd grade, looking back I wish I would have pushed for an ADHD IEP instead. I was clueless back then.

Every year since pre-k, he has had amazing classroom teachers where he was quiet/non-disruptive, although he could sometimes be distracting in specials. Last year he had a horrible case manager, who he acted out with but she treated him terribly and shouldn’t be working with kids.

This year, my son is struggling a lot more in middle school. We had to start meds again, but those exasperate his tics. He sometimes has attention seeking behavior in class and I feel like he gets singled out and in trouble way more than non-IEP kids- does anyone notice the same issue with their kids?

Ex. 1- He gets sent to the principal’s office after helping a friend up outside that fell in snow when his friends were play wrestling at recess. My son did not partake at all, he was just standing there, nonetheless he’s sent to the principal and I get a phone call. A couple weeks later non-IEP kids were wrestling in the bathroom and got a verbal warning.

Ex. 2- He is now in trouble for bullying 2 differing kids. Kid #1 he admitted to calling him an idiot and sticking his tongue out (totally don’t defend this rude behavior) although this kid loudly complains about my son in class to get him in trouble when he is doing with nothing or something minor like tapping his pencil. He does this a lot, and then his teacher kicks my son out of class. I have followed up with teachers and they said they don’t see my son instigating anything with this child. Kid #2 follows my son around, laughs at him, makes up false stories, teases him about his stutter, ect. He even tripped my son in gym and my son told the gym teacher and other special teachers when this stuff is occurring yet somehow my son is in trouble with the administration.

Ex. 3- I have let so much go with the school, ongoing bullying(telling my son to ignore/stay away, tell a teacher) including having kick me signs put on his back multiple times, name calling, being hit in the head, ect. And NONE of these other kids get in trouble.

Sorry for rambling but I am so frustrated what other kids get away with and what my son is targeted for. They went as far as to remove him from his specials classes when he has had great behavior scores in each class all year, because they are trying to keep him away from kid #2. They also said he has to sit at a different lunch table when he is nowhere near kid #2 at lunch, and he sits with a good group of boys that have stood up for him when he’s being teased. I have called for an in-person meeting since the school administration did no due diligence in to either situation, they just told my son what his punishment is for.

His case manager is great and his speech therapist loves him, however the asst principal and social worker are both horribly negative. I understand the schools have too many kids to manage, and my dad is a 40+ year public teacher so I get their jobs are tough, but I’m seriously considering moving my son back to private school where the staff and teachers are caring and class sizes are small.

Any feedback or similarities to what your kids deal with at school?

[Mamamichl]

I work as a sped teacher, so I can se it both ways. Some of the kids with special needs make some mistakes more than other kids, but even when they are doing better, they still get reprimanded. One of my 5th graders in my last job was definitely targeted.

Every 3 years of the IEP, you get a reevaluation. You can request another evaluation in writing anytime you would like.

You can also list out the dates and instances of bullying if it is obvious he is being targeted by this one kid. From what I read he is. It has to be repeated and have power difference. If the school does nothing, go to the district. If that doesn’t work you can go to the department of education in the state you are in. There can be a third party investigation most likely. My child has not been through this herself but I see it with my students.

Because my daughters school isn’t holding up their end with giving her the OT that is on her 504 and for raising anxieties for testing among other things, we will be putting her in an online charter school next year. I went online this year and all of the toxicity of being a teacher is gone. The students have the opportunity I ask for help and it’s extremely inclusive at my school for both students and staff alike. If I were you, I would look into online schooling. There’s several news broadcasts and articles about it. Stride/k12 is the biggest one and I haven’t heard anything bad from any of the staff yet, and we do national meetings regularly.

Hope this information helps. Zen hugs 🫂

[BVBV in reply to Mamamichl]

Thank you for your reply! I have definitely thought about online schooling for him, and will look more in to that. He plays competitive basketball so he has that social outlet but I need to make sure he has adequate chances to build social skills and I also work full time from home, so worry if I can properly support his education. It helps to have your perspective as a teacher as well. I’ve known a few folks that pulled their kids from middle school and then they reentered high school and they don’t regret it.

[Alt49]

100% yes. Prior to diagnosis and having an IEP implemented, my son’s experience with his kindergarten teacher was all negative. He was singled out as reported to parents by other classmates which made it back to me, according to my son and witnessed by his therapist that I had observe him in class. I can only imagine how much worse it was when the teacher wasn’t watched. Post IEP he is under a microscope. Some of which I can understand as needing to ensure everyone was safe given his extreme behaviors at the beginning of kg. However now he is in the 2nd half of 1st grade and now spending most of his time back in the gen ed class (he was initially moved into a self contained most of the day) and he has not had any of those behaviors for over a year. I got a long email recently about how he wanted to be first in line after recess and teased his friend because he was in line in front of him. I read that to a friend who was baffled they wasted my time and theirs writing that email. I’m sure that happens all the time and parents don’t get emails about it. Anyways I’m fortunate that we are in a better place w school and that the school did have supports despite some negative interactions. However we do question if he is going to be targeted/labeled/held under a microscope for the rest of his time in the district and if we should pull him in the next year or two.

[BVBV in reply to Alt49]

I’m sorry to hear you’re going through some of the same things. I think it’s really dependent on the staff they are dealing with. That email you received is really so petty and I had the same thing happen last year. His case worker called me to tell me he was loud after school outside (he was excited about it being spring break). I wanted to say, what did you guys ever do about the boy that physically kicked/hit him for weeks (nothing), or the kids that consistently swear at kids, like telling them to “move their fing axx” in the lunch line, ect (nothing). We are moving this year so it will be good timing to be in a different environment.

[earnouk]

I want to validate you and have experienced this with my son and IEP team members from school side and advocate confirmed this is something that is happening and is unfair. I have spent so much time advocating for fairness and unfortunately there are some admin who don't understand. It helped us to bring in central office people and an advocate to get them to provide and understand my son's needs and what he needs to be successful. These are some resources I have gathered and used as needed with the school. Also, including studies and articles. Students with ADHD get corrected over 20,000 more times by the age of 10 ( This is something I have seen several times- you might have to look for this data)

The Dear Colleague Letter on Implementation of IDEA Discipline Provisions, which provides guidance on ensuring fair disciplinary practices for students with disabilities.

sites.ed.gov/idea/idea-file...

A press release discussing new guidance to help schools support students with disabilities and avoid discriminatory use of discipline.

A PDF version of the Dear Colleague Letter, which includes detailed information on IDEA's discipline provisions.

chrome-extension://efaidnbmnnnibpcajpcglclefindmkaj/sites.ed.gov/idea/files/dcl...

Here are some studies and articles that discuss disciplinary actions for students with ADHD:

ADDitude Magazine: This article highlights how students with ADHD often face harsh punishments for behaviors beyond their control, such as impulsivity or inattentiveness. It also shares stories from parents about their children's experiences with disproportionate discipline. additudemag.com/punishment-...

SPED*NET Presentation: This presentation provides statistical data showing that students with disabilities, including ADHD, are more likely to face suspensions and other disciplinary actions. It also discusses proactive strategies for addressing these challenges. chrome-extension://efaidnbmnnnibpcajpcglclefindmkaj/spednet.org/wp-content/uplo...

[Aspen797]

My nephew with same diagnoses went through similar. I am so sorry. They tried to work with the school but ultimately had to place him in a private setting. They did get the school to pay by going through due process. It is so hard battling alone. Do you have support, like a therapist or advocate who can accompany you to meetings? While they are still around, you might want to reach out to your state’s parent resource center for some support. They can advise and put you in touch with advocates.

If your child is due for a triennial eval this would be a good time to correctly categorize him for his IEP. EBD can be unfairly stigmatizing, especially to those unfamiliar with Tourette’s and all the various ways it affects students—-much more than just tics. Do you have a Tourette’s association locally? Perhaps they can educate or provide support in changing the eligibility category? OHI is more common.

Regarding the bullying, that violates 504 which also protects students with IEP’s. A really excellent and thorough description of what steps to take and the law (as of today) is here: adayinourshoes.com/bullying.... Documentation is key.

Previous poster gave good info on disproportionality of disciplining student with disabilities. It is so frustrating trying to explain your child, their disability, and how that disability manifests, to people who wield power but lack education. It sounds as though you are being put in the position of contacting the school to do this in order to stop these repeated instances of unfair treatment. Is there a district special education director? Perhaps they could help educate their staff? So hard. Wish I had answers, but just have empathy.