Advice to parents with ADHD children

[DebKyri]

Hello, I have an 11 year old son in 6th grade too and he was very unorganized with his homework and school bag. From 4th grade we started having different subjects in a different color folder. So when he opened his school bag he knew what color was the subject he wanted. It helped him a lot to become more organised.

His handwriting, it's sloppy but that is normal for a child that is ADHD. He never sits still in his chair, he's always on the 2 legs of the chair. Don't get angry at your child just explain to them that the chair is old and it will break.

He gets angry very easy and losses focus when he does homework.... But he is so smart in other things.

Don't give your child medicine try to avoid any drugs.

ADHD children are special and very smart and you will see that this child will grow up to be an excellent adult.

If you wonder how I know this it's because I'm ADHD.

I'm 42 years old and I grew up thinking I was stupid because I had ugly handwriting, I would pass my classes with very low grades, I couldn't read well and I was very hyper active and always, always getting In trouble.

In the early 80's my parents didn't know about ADHD neither did my school. In high school I went half a day to a tech school because I hated school, I was not smart like the other kids, I wanted to drop out. When I went to Tech school half of the day, I did cooking class, baking class, computer class and fashion class. I did my last 2 years of my high school tech on fashion design. I did great. I even won 2 awards for my clothes design and creating a designed business.

Then my older sister saw I was good with hands on stuff she adviced me to go study media arts. My grades were so bad, my SAT's were so low that my university would only accept me as a part time student. Then a year later I became full time. After 5 years I graduated with my BA in Media Art.

I then started working at television stations being one of their top employee.

Then a teacher at a college for media editing.

I was then lucky to open my own small production studio and then my own cute little diner cafe.

The reason why I was able to do all this is because I am ADHD and proud of it.

I am so energetic and hyper I need to move around and work. Also to have the energy to come home to take care of the family and clean the house.

The point to my whole story is Do Not Worry about your child.

Just help them to work with their ADHD without making then feel dumb. Just let them get through school. School is BORING!

Help them find what they are good at and guide them to it. Keep loving them because they need that love and trust me it is going to be OK because ADHD is a blessing when they grow up. ❤

[Janice_H]

Hello, thank you for sharing your story and providing the advice. When I read your post I cried.

I worry so much about my son who is 11 with ADHD. He barely passes his classes each year and struggles with reading comprehension and math. He is very sloppy and unorganized with terrible handwriting. Homework time is a nightmare for me and I usually go to bed each night upset, frustrated and feeling overwhelmed. I never know how to or whether I will ever resolve his educational problems.

He knows he is different from other children his age and often says he hates himself because he is dumb and does poorly in school. It breaks my heart that this diagnosis prohibits him from being successful in school. I often wonder if he will graduate, learn to tell time, count money and learn all the other life skills needed to become an adult. My days are filled with worries and uncertainty.

[DebKyri in reply to Janice_H]

My advice about school having color folders helped my son a lot to keep him organize, even though he puts everything backwards in his school bag... But that is how he wants it.

Doing homework with an ADHD child is very hard. We would fight and we would both go to bed crying. Then i realized this is not what I want to do as a parent. I don't want to fight with my son about homework. So I started working extra hours at work to pay for my son to go to an after school. Where it's more a fun school. They help with their homework and then they play with other kids.

If you have one in your area ask and see if your son can go, this might help things calm down for you at home.

Stay strong, and never forget to give your child hugs and kisses even if they don't like it.

I have my 11 year old not wanting a hug but i told him until I'm 99 years old, i will always give you hugs and kisses because i love you so much and Thank you for coming into my life. ❤

[patricia43m]

Glad it all worked out for you. I think it's dangerous for you to give medical advice though (do not give kids medicine).

Some kids are better with and some are better without.

I think your post is helpful - all ADHD parents want to have hope for their kids. I just don't want anyone taking medical advice. They should speak to their doctor, their child and the teachers to work out a plan.

My child has depression and anxiety - likely because of his ADHD. Without medicine, he would not function. So please let me decide what is best for my child.

[DebKyri in reply to patricia43m]

I apologize about the medication part.

A parent knows what is best so do what you beleive.

Keep the love alive and positive energy.

[shellyn04]

WOW DebKyri!!!! you just decribed life here at our house with my ADHD son!!! he's amazingly adorable, kind, caring and SMART!!! my little blessing is 12 years old. just started middle school and let me tell you... it has NOT been easy for him to settle in. his handwriting is terrible (he knows it and complains about it) he had a hard time with focus, organization is a nightmare for him, he complains about not being able to keep up with everyone in class and i can NOT tell you how tough homework is. i think the hardest part is watching him struggle with it.

we do give our son medication. he is extremely hyper without it. and i can tell you as a person myself that went through allll that your also described, i now take medication myself. and it has slowed down my brain a bit so people don't take a deep breath after i finish talking. it helps me cope with my differences. and as patricia42m said, meds aren't for everyone, but a GREAT help to some. so i think it depends on each individual child.

i also wanted to say thanks for the comment about how great he will be later in life. i continue to tell mine the same thing. i was that girl that ALWAYS doubted myself, always in the low classes and couldn't WAIT to get out of school!! and there was no way i was going to college. couldn't be easier than grade school?!! but i tell my son, we all have our different strengths...mine wasn't school. i didn't go to college but i worked my buns off to make something of my self in the working world. today at 47 i am pretty successful in my job and make twice what many folks i know went to college make. so keep telling them positive affirmations. i will share your stories with him to let him know its not just him and i in this world with ADHD and struggles. i know it will make him feel better about his self. glad i came on here and saw all of your posts. in a strange way it makes me feel better we are not the odd men out :) i will continue to follow!!!!

[DebKyri in reply to shellyn04]

I praise you Shelly, you have done great and I am so sure your child looks up to you and sees how far you have come and if he doesn't understand now, he will for sure when he grows up.

Never stop showing him your love.

Does your son play any sports?

[shellyn04 in reply to DebKyri]

thanks a MILLION for the kind words deb!!! and no... my husband and i are were very athletic. he won't do any of them. he is too afraid he will let everyone down. i tryed horse back riding. he loved the horses but didn't really care about riding them. i tryed to see if i could get him to do piano since he always plays with it at my dads house. he wouldn't. he's only in his first year of middle school. and i can tell this is when they seem to send them towards different things they may like. the dr tells us he will do it when he's ready. so my fingers are crossed. you sound FABULOUS debkyri!!! just what i needed to read the day after a very tough struggle playing catch up on homework last night. ox

[DebKyri in reply to shellyn04]

Hello Shelly,

Keep trying and of course when he's ready he will pick something. Maybe one day a friend at school might suggest something... Just don't give up and try not to seem too annoying do it in your cool, smart mom/friend way 😉

My son , he may really want something and when he finally gets it, he does not care about it or he loses interest fast.

We also tried different sports.

When he was 4 he was doing Judo for 2 years. He was great because he also has a temper, so it helped him to release his angry.

Then he stopped and he tried soccor and now he plays basketball.

He wants to quit but we are trying our hardest to keep him interested in it. He needs to use his hyper energy somewhere.

I realized that the younger they start it's easier to keep them in a sport but as they get older and have a mind of their own they choose what they want.

Also because my son has a low self esteem about himself he does not want to start something new and look stupid or useless as the other kids are more advanced.

I also go bike riding with my son... Not often but I try my best.

He loves technology, tablets and play station. Is your son into these video games?

[shellyn04 in reply to DebKyri]

yes, he really is in to the video games. more in the last 6 months than before. i get playdates (we live out in a rural area on 9 acres) at our house as often as possible. we are the playdate house!! just bought myself and hubby a bike so we can all go ride. i don't mind a little decompression with the games, but not all day!! so i don't fuss, i just drag him out for a bit i think i've been seeing much more anxiety lately so i called the dr yesterday and they changed his bedtime med to one that has a bit of anxiety help to it. fingers crossed!!

[DebKyri]

I would like to apologise about my medication advice, that was wrong for me to say... Sorry.

As a parent you know what is best for your child, always follow your gut feeling.

My advice about school having color folders helped my son a lot to keep him organize, even though he puts everything backwards in his school bag... But that is how he wants it.

Doing homework with an ADHD child is very hard. We would fight and we would both go to bed crying. Then i realized this is not what I want to do as a parent. I don't want to fight with my son about homework. So I started working extra hours at work to pay for my son to go to an after school. Where it's more a fun school. They help with their homework and then they play with other kids.

If you have one in your area ask and see if your son can go, this might help things calm down for you at home.

Stay strong parents, we all had a tough childhood just never forget to give your child hugs and kisses even if they don't like it.

I have my 11 year old not wanting a hug but i told him until I'm 99 years old, i will always give you hugs and kisses because i love you so much and Thank you for coming into my life. ❤

[Alliea79 in reply to DebKyri]

Thank you. This insight and personal experience with suggestions on what works for you (I appreciate the addendum on med stuff selfishly because it is not what we want in our house but we do what is needed in the end). I really appreciate the encouragement and words of hope and promise. Xo

[willandgrace]

Made me cry too - as a mom of an ADHD 14 yr old boy who hates school and his medicine. He convinced me to let him try today without it. Your message is so positive. We all worry about our ADHD kids regarding BORING school and their futures too. TY so much for that messsge. It means a lot and I needed that today!

[DebKyri in reply to willandgrace]

Stay strong will&Grace, never stop showing your child that you love him.

High school is tough and teen years are a huge challenge for teenagers now a days.

I'm so sure you are such a cool parent.

How did he do today without his medicine?

[Hidden]

Thank you! This is truth! God bless xo

[anirush]

My 13 year old grandson went from being everyone's headache in 6th grade to a good student in 8th. One teacher who had him in both grades says he can't believe the difference.

He still struggles and often has to go to tutorials just to pass. But he is stable on current meds and really trying this year.