It's 11:45pm, and I'm in the kitchen eating pumpkin pie. Two pieces. I shouldn't, and I know it. But I am. Because I'm hurting.
I'm looking ahead to the rest of the holiday season, and all the family get togethers. We have several on the calendar for December.
My mother in law was here over Thanksgiving, and usually we get along okay. But this time, she kept making comments about my children. Little criticisms, little analytical comments about behavior, or even their motives.
This actually isn't anything new, she has been this way for years. It's just been better lately, the last year or so. But not this last week!
And her daughter is coming into town next month, with her husband and 6 month old baby. This sister in law was so forward with my children when she was here last, that I'm eating more pie tonight just thinking about it. Makes me want to cry. She and my mother in law reprimand my children in front of me, they "count to three" with a consequence at the end, while I'm cooking dinner, and make comments like "oh, he wasn't doing that at all until you walked into the room," said with a raised eyebrow and "knowing" look.
I've laid awake tonight, arguing with eachof them in my head, one at a time. The both together. Trying so hard to make them see the truth. That ADHD isn't my fault. That my children are doing excellent, considering what they have had to work with (we have severe speech delays, a daughter with ASD, and three diagnosed children with ADHD).
My seven year old son with ADHD has so many tics, that he's being watched for tourette's. He was in the second percentile for speech at the age of three, and was only 10% intelligible at the age of five.
We have come so far with him. Worked so hard.
And they call him a "Mama's boy," and smirk about me "giving in" to him.
It hurts. Makes me so angry. They know nothing of our journey, though they have watched us walk through it all.
I need to have the courage to stand up to them this holiday season. When they make those little side comments, or insinuate that George is a Mama's boy, I need to tell them the truth boldly. Here's what's on my heart to say:
"No, he is not a Mama's boy. I don't appreciate you speaking that way in my home. Truth is, George is doing excellent at school and we are so proud of him. He's a leader in the classroom and in his speech therapy sessions. He is a kind, thoughtful and creative child. And we at home only say words that encourage each one to be their best. We don't criticize, or "label" or assume the worst of someone's motives. We assume the best, and treat each one with respect. Each one is on their own journey, and we strive to meet each one's unique needs."
I don't think my words will mean anything to them. They have figured me for a permissive parent for so long, I don't think there's anything I could say to change their minds.
But, I can make it clear what's acceptable in my home, and in my family, and that's what I'm going to do.
I have so much on my plate with my children's needs, that this kind of stress is just too much. If any of you have advice or a story of your own to share, I would love to hear it. 😊
I'm going to put the pie away now....I already feel a little stronger just sharing with someone who gets it. Thank you.