New to this site: My son is 15 and does... - CHADD's ADHD Pare...

CHADD's ADHD Parents Together

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My son is 15 and does not have a formal diagnosis. We've tried Psychologists on a number of occasions. He is uncooperative and it is expensive and time consuming. We have 3 other children aged 10, 12 and 16. I'm using this opportunity to debrief. By the time he was 8 we concluded life was not normal and he wasn't growing out of the issues. He is intellectually gifted (formal diagnosis age 10) but socially not. He is social and friendly, but is a constant source for conflict in our family and I don't think he really has strong friendships, or a best mate.

I'm sad about the family life we have experienced. Parenting books don't really help. Friends don't really understand or don't see what we see. My eldest wants to move out as soon as possible. This saddens me. Our life is different when our son is not around. I cannot relax in my own house when he is home. We've tried being a restrictive house in use of screens as we prefer a creative focus, however he would happily spend his life moving from screen to screen. You tube is a constant distraction.

My husband and I are still together surprisingly. We understand how each of us has behaved badly or experienced anxiety/depression over the years with our inability to manage life with our son effectively. I can't see our son wanting to move out when he is 18, and can see us needing to continue to support him as an adult. I worry about the potential alcohol use and capacity for relationships into the future for him. Gotta keep on.

7 Replies

Mich69- I am glad you can use this blog as a safe place to express your feels and share things going on.

In the begining of my journey I knew I would not make it if all I did was worry about the future with our son. What works best for me is to celebrate the days that are great and know that when they are hard it will change. Being a mom is the hardest job in the world then add all of the other pressures of life, which is so stressful. But having a child with AHDH, diagnosised or not changes everything.

I am truely sorry that you are dealing with this. I hope you can worry about today becuase anything past today is in the future and we never know where they are headed. I hope with the right guidance he will make the right choices.

I am not sure if your son is on medication or not but this would be a great thing to consider, so you don't have to experience such negative things.

Best of luck with trying to survive, I am giving you a big warm hug so you know someone understands you and wishes it could be better for you.

We are here for you when you need us. We are all in this together...

Take care

Mich69 in reply to Onthemove1971

Thank u. I was feeling at a loss the other day. I found a 2+ hour video on this website presented by a Psychiatrist which helped me understand ADHD better and I'm using this knowledge to understand our situation better.

The 1st psychiatrist I took my daughter to told me she was uncooperative. I said why do you think I have her here ? Quickly switched to someone else. It was a battle off and on for her.

Her children started seeing a doctor at a young age so they are more acccepting although the oldest one's not quite in high school so we will see.

Mich69 in reply to anirush

Thanks for your perspective

Hang in there!

My brother-in-law with ADHD was a “bad student,” constantly starting and not finishing things, bad with money...

But he’s gotten much better! He found something he loves (working on cars), and it’s allowed him to hyperfocus in a productive way. He loves his job, and it lets his true self shine, when he can help friends and family. He’s caring and generous - traits we didn’t always see when he was struggling with ADHD.

I know you’re scared and frustrated. But I want to tell you that it can get better! Don’t give up!

Mich69 in reply to Mama_Maehem

Thanks for the positive outlook. I needed some hope the other day as I was feeling overwhelmed.

Mama_Maehem in reply to Mich69

We've all had those overwhelmed days! We're here for you!!

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