My son is 15 and does not have a formal diagnosis. We've tried Psychologists on a number of occasions. He is uncooperative and it is expensive and time consuming. We have 3 other children aged 10, 12 and 16. I'm using this opportunity to debrief. By the time he was 8 we concluded life was not normal and he wasn't growing out of the issues. He is intellectually gifted (formal diagnosis age 10) but socially not. He is social and friendly, but is a constant source for conflict in our family and I don't think he really has strong friendships, or a best mate.
I'm sad about the family life we have experienced. Parenting books don't really help. Friends don't really understand or don't see what we see. My eldest wants to move out as soon as possible. This saddens me. Our life is different when our son is not around. I cannot relax in my own house when he is home. We've tried being a restrictive house in use of screens as we prefer a creative focus, however he would happily spend his life moving from screen to screen. You tube is a constant distraction.
My husband and I are still together surprisingly. We understand how each of us has behaved badly or experienced anxiety/depression over the years with our inability to manage life with our son effectively. I can't see our son wanting to move out when he is 18, and can see us needing to continue to support him as an adult. I worry about the potential alcohol use and capacity for relationships into the future for him. Gotta keep on.