Feeling discouraged

[Momof4blessings]

So, I have three children, ages 7, 6 and 4, who have all been diagnosed with ADHD (the oldest also has high functioning autism). And I have a precious one year old toddler.

I feel like behavior is almost out of control in our home. It's soooooooo discouraging. I got the two big ones out the door to school after an intense morning, and breathed a sigh of relief......but within minutes, my mind is going through all the crazy behavior I can't seem to control. How they play off each other, how they each are so explosive in their own way, how I feel like my voice is totally unheard most of the time.

My 7 year old and 6 year old are both on medication, and it has proven VERY helpful. But, with the school year coming to an end, it almost feels like we've gone back to our pre-meds days. I just called and set up appointments for both of them with their doctor to go over their current dosage.

But I know from experience, that medication doesn't control everything......and I feel like my mind is an egg scramble. They will scream, fight, throw things, fly over furniture -- and I stand there. Watching it all happen. In a moment that I feel strong, I can yell just enough over their chaos to give instructions and redirect, or remind them of rewards for appropriate behavior. In moments when I'm at the end of my mental abilities, I just stand there, feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders.

I know I don't have good enough rewards in place. Or strong enough consequences. It must be. My children yell and scream at me, they tease each other incessantly. Hitting, throwing, yelling -- common place in our home.

This is not the home I wanted when my hubby and I married 9 years ago. This isn't the story I wanted when we laid in bed and dreamed of having a house full of children, in the country.

Needless to say, we're not having any more children. ADHD has sucked the fun out of family life. I feel so frustrated and discouraged.

Thank you for listening......most people around me don't get it. To them I just have very ill behaved children....which is the truth, for sure! Ha. But I know the medical reasons behind the behavior.

Even still, it's just flat out miserable to live with.

[Grandma01]

My hat off to you for dealing four children weather on your own with your husband. I am the primary caregiver for my grandson which may likely be my only grand, and he can be a handful by himself. Keep working on those rewards and ACTIVITIES which can be used as rewards in themselves.

I love activity days because that means I don't have to be alone with him one on one on a daily bases. I say primary caregiver because he and his mom share some of the same symtoms and personality, but she doesn't understand what he's going through.

My biggest challenge is the insane talking at unwanted times, when he's trying analize something.

Any looks like your already on it. I think it has to get better!!

[Momof4blessings in reply to Grandma01]

Thanks so much for the encouragement! I so appreciate it. 😊

[Mimimarie]

Im new to this site and what a breath of fresh air to read your post. I’m going through the same thing with ONE child so my biggest praise to you, seriously. It’s so discouraging isn’t it? Have you spoke about getting a Behavior Therapist? I have a caseworker for linkage to all types of resources & even considered putting him in the Boys & Girls club for the summer because I have a 4 month old and all the yelling and arguing just isn’t healthy for her to hear. You can work with one to get a discount considering their disorders. He’s also on a waiting list to see an ABA Therapist which is intense behavior counseling that I’ve heard, works miracles! I’ve also gone to the library and taken out books on defiant kids that’s helped a lot. I’m also in the process of getting SSI for him.. because that $ can go towards things like camps, doctors, behavior etc.

I hope this info helped and from one discouraged mom to the next, you’re doing an amazing job.

[Momof4blessings in reply to Mimimarie]

Thanks sooooo much! We are on a waiting list for ABA therapy for my oldest. I need to call and find out what's going on with that, since it's been a while. Ya, I need to look into the SSI situation. That could be so helpful. Thanks again for all the ideas!

[Pennywink]

Maybe also hang in there a bit until school is out. I do library visits to elementary schools, and they are all a bit of a hot mess this time of year. My son's tics also flare up like crazy the last month of school - though now that school is out, they are mild / almost gone again. (He has Tourette Syndrome w/ ADHD.)

[Momof4blessings in reply to Pennywink]

Thank you!! Yes, I feel like this build up of emotions about school getting out next week has been awful. Thank you for reminding me. 😊 As we walked to school today, I asked if there's been changes at school, as the year comes to an end. Both of my kids mentioned that their teachers are taking down decorations and cleaning up the classroom during their school day. They both echoed that it's very sad. I kinda wish the teachers could do that after class or something.....oh well. Maybe it wouldn't matter. And ya -- my son has tics and they've been a ton worse the last couple weeks. One psychologist suggested he could have tourettes syndrome, but I never looked into it further. He does have ADHD.

[Starrlight]

💕