ADHD Parents Together
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ADHD 8 year old girl...

Hi. I have an 8 year old that was diagnosed with ADHD AND ODD in 2014. We manage her diet quite well, and have her on natural supplements. Most days are good, but about twice a week we have melt downs. I mean tantrums like a 3 year old, and she is very defiant and always has to say the last word. We have noticed she's lying a lot, about simple things, she's very mischievous and when we ask her why she did it , she replies because I want to. I have done everything from behavior charts, rewards, apps to keep track of her behavior. Some days I cry , because I don't understand why she does things. Never a problem in school. She does good work, loves cheer. She hates being alone in any part of the house so she follows us around all day long. She is a sweet child, we love her so much, but her defiance gets to me so bad. Mainly because I know she doesn't act like this in public. I caught her the other day sticking her tongue out and flipping me off. Now, we never disrespect each other like this. My husband and I try to reason with her, but all she says is ok, I promise and 5 minutes later she does some other stuff she's not supposed to be doing. Any advice? Before my hair falls out!

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Im going through the same thing with my 7yr old son. Thought i was the only one. Good to hear I'm not alone.

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What type of supplements an vitamins seem to help/

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Im still looking into vitamins and supplements, ive tried a few and no progress. What about you?

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I've tried various supplements, vitamins with omega 3, essential oils, etc. nothing was helpful. Watching Russell Barkley videos, he confirmed that those things provide little if any help for symptoms. Exercise is very helpful though.

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Ok thnx,i keep him active un sports but still has high energy. I try to do calming activities as well.

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I have had her on supplements , I mentioned them in another post, they work on her, omegas are huge and a good probiotic. NO simple carbs, nothing processed, I make her everything from her fruit roll ups to her apple chips, I send her lunch to school and I give her L-Dopa as a supplement as well. we do counseling and play therapy. She has a trampoline, so when she gets to excited she has to go use it for 30 minutes. its a lot and sometimes I feel like I am drowning , but its getting better. I use rosemary and avocado oil in a little roll on for school.

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We suspect our son lacks seritonin. We're trying 5-HTP and L-theanine, magnesium. I'll let you know results

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Thnx

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I have Hope on GABA , THEANINE, magnesium, and zinc and a glutathione builder, ( Protandim, which I get from my girlfriend), and a good probiotic. I put a powder called CALM in her bottled water for school. this seems to keep her leveled thru school. she takes these in doses through out the day.

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Ok thnx, does calm have a taste?

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they have flavors like lemon and raspberry. My baby likes the rasberry

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Is this all in one pill? Thank you for sr

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My great grandson is 9 he has been with me since 2011. I am at the end of ropes on trying to get advocate to help with the restrictions at school. The teachers I understand do not have training with this adhd. All ADHD is not the same an each child is different with symptoms.

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I hear you. If it's any comfort, that she is able to hold it together in school is a very good sign for the long run (I've been told by psychologists, anyway!!). My child is a few years older, and we still have times of meltdown. Once one starts, I find there's no real way to derail it; we send him to his room not as a punishment but to give him space to calm down and for the rest of us to not have to be faced with the storm of emotion up close and personal. He can come down when he's gotten himself under control. We try to talk about ADHD and how that affects people. As you probably already know, impulsivity is a big feature. That includes impulsively being insulting, rude, mean, etc. Medication and simply growing older both, I think, have a role in helping there, but won't eliminate the issue. I've tried to coach my kid by encouraging him to apologize genuinely after these types of outbursts, and where possible to find some way to amends. I also try to make a point of apologizing to him if I flip my lid. I also try to redirect-- to counter what feels like a lot of negative, I sometimes try to have him as a goal to say three nice things to family members in a day. If there's a miracle cure, well, I guess we wouldn't need this forum, but these small things at least seem to help make the path a little smoother.

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Thank you . I am still trying to find solutions for his rude remarks ugliness of words ! I to let him finish his rant an rage away from me as much as possible . I send him blessings an just keep praying . I put sleep meditation on at bed . He was exposed to do much in the drug world my world is boring . He's 9 with the mindset of a 14 year old , language of the street gangs an scared straight seems he is enthusiasts by it . He was born with the drugs being used until she was 7 months pregnant then . So any advice for potty mouths would be helpful . I have already tried apple cider vinegar , chili pepper , soap etc also taking time outs , push ups , jumping jacks . Netflix , games !

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her impulsivity is more like ticks, she hates silence, so she makes inappropriate noises in class when they are doing study time, so I bought an MP3 player with soothing noise and she puts those on during silent time. Her teacher allows her to get up and walk in the back of her classroom. I started giving her this juice called AXIO I got it from my girlfriend, it has vitamins and minerals and Pine bark extract which calms the brain, she loves that stuff and it seems to be working. We do a lot, make all her lunches, nothing absolutely nothing with HFCS, no simple carbs, high amounts of good fats, omegas, and brain supplements like GABA, THEANINE, etc.. ALOT of EXERCISE, and a lot of time on the trampoline. lol... Counseling started and she seems to like that too, we do play therapy , sand therapy, journaling,... she holds it together during school which is AMAZING, but home is hard but that's why we are here. its very different for us, I have a 23 year old, 19, and now her 8.. I'm exhausted.

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Thank you

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My son developed awful ODD. This took years of my wife and I doing the exact opposite of what we should have been doing. First, forget the idea that you can 'force' your kid to do something. This authoritarian style works ok on kids without ADHD, but backfired with our son and made him more defiant and even violent. These kids feel so out of control they have a need to defy people that try to control them. Instead, give choices and 'matter of fact' consequences. Say 'Do it or don't do it, it's totally up to you, but here's what will happen'. Showing no anger or spite is critical. Second, take care of yourself first so you don't develop underlying resentment. You're in charge of your happiness! If you feel resentment, kids pick up on it and it adds to their anxiety about themselves and they act out more, specifically targeting you. Viscious cycle. Third, both parents need to appear calm and completely on the same page. If these kids see mom and dad losing control, they'll fill the void.

Good luck, it's not easy.

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Thank you! I'm his greatgrand mother 69, I have given him choices as you mentioned . I also put him in football an boyscouts this year to exert his energy in a positive way . Hoping this will help I'm a widow therefore there isn't a male role daily . He lost both his cousins Aug 16, 2016 cancer age 7, the other Sept 16, 2016! He was very very close as a brother to Devin . So last year the emotional , physical , mentally damage surfaced in school an my life on explaining God didn't do it !

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Maybe he should speak to a counselor.

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Any way you slice it, this is difficult and trying and isolating. You're not alone, I think everyone on this thread has first hand experience with difficult kids who have huge meltdowns, scream, throw fits, break things, are rude, disrespectful, etc. which leave us feeling drained, like we're failing and ultimately just extremely sad. The most important thing to remember is that when they're overwhelmed, angry and in a fit-they are actually looking to us to be calm, quiet and rational-the very things they cannot be. Take care of yourself, eat right, exercise, laugh; then you'll be at a better place to remain calm and collected when she's throwing a fit. Positive reinforcement, allowing yourself to come from a place of love and understanding instead of from a place of anger or defeat can make a world of difference. Ultimately, we're only in control of ourselves, and if we allow ourselves to get to the same overwhelmed, infuriating place that our kids our, it gets ugly quickly. Being firm but fair, walking away, giving clear, concise choices & explanations of their outcomes are all very helpful.

With our son, we've also found that having a 'calm down box' is helpful. It's in his room, and inside of it is something for each of his senses-cozy blanket, small jar with scented beads, a few small snacks, headphones (either noise cancelling or soft music), glitter jar. Once he's smelled something nice, or tasted something good, or felt something cozy or allowed himself to listen to the music, it resets his senses and gets him calmed down better than anything I could have done.

We also say things matter-of-factly when the fit is over: We don't speak to each other that way. We are kind and loving. It's never to late to try again.

You're not alone, we're all feeling the same struggles, but keep up the good work and bit by bit you'll see improvement.

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Thank You, The idea of the " calm down box " is brilliant. I am a Nurse and a Nutrition coach 9 I have my own business. Her diet is good, we do plenty of exercise ( cheer, trampolines, parks, bike rides etc.. Plenty of good talks, my issue is her ODD is getting worse and she is a tall girl. She is almost as tall as me and she is sometimes angry and it scares me a little because I cant seem to get thru to her. But.. we tried the " calm down box" I put a healthy snack, I made her a lava rock bracelet and added pretty colors, essential oils, I bought a little bear and added essential oils to that too and her mp3 player with her soothing music.. OMG... 5 minutes and done.. I also got in to see her counselor and we added another day to her schedule. This is a new school and kids unfortunately are very mean , they say mean things and she is having a tough time adjusting. We will talk to her school and or try to find a better suited school for her. I appreciate the posts.

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Well said

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Sounds like my 7 1/2 year old daughter.

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You're not alone. I've had those moments where I'm on the verge of resenting our child. Is that terrible? It makes me want to cry for even having such resentful (=evil) thoughts. We just recently received diagnosis of ADHD & ODD for our 7 year old son. We opted to do medications. Will have to see how this journey goes.

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