Yeah. I went to my GP last night as I've been feeling even more awful than usual. Normally I feel down, paranoid, anxious and worthless, but I have a hold on them. Over the last few months though, it's been getting worse and the last few weeks have been torture, to the point where I was planning suicide. I honestly only went to the GP because I needed to talk about it. I've been before with the same problems, and they usually send me away with medication (the same meds they give me EVERY time, that DON'T work!!).
However, this time I saw a new GP, who quickly went to consult with someone else, and then they both decided I was in danger and that I needed to go to A&E. Utter surprise, as lately my GP surgery has been treating me like a malingerer and I'm actually about to launch a formal complaint with PALS about them. They made me take my partner so they'd be sure I'd go (I made my own way, no ambulance or anything).
After two hours and a rather brusque on call doctor, a member of the mental health team saw me and is going to refer me to a psychiatrist. It was only two hours, which in A&E is some kind of modern miracle, but it was awful. I'm terrified of hospitals and medical buildings of any kind, so it was pretty horrible. Not sure how I feel about the outcome. I'm feeling rather out of it today, to be honest.
Interesting point, last night, no less than five medical professionals asked me whether I was hearing voices or seeing things. Obviously this is to do with that ad campaign the NHS has launched, but I've been on record as having mental health issues for ten years now. Why have I never been asked that before? What if I'd said yes? Would that mean that I'd have been left ten years in the wrong treatment because it had never come up before?!
Anyway, not sure where I'm going with this. I'm kind of ambivalent about the idea of more treatment. I've never been to a psychiatrist before, but I've been in and out of counselling and CBT for years, and I'm actually on the waiting list for group therapy. I'm not holding out hope, is what I'm saying.