Since the age of 18 (I am now 42) I have suffered with chronic depression and anxiety, severe mood swings, hyper sensitivity, reduced self esteem and confidence , general pessimistic outlook and ongoing difficulties with my personal, social and occupational life. Have been on and off anti-depressants since 18,but they have never helped much.
Recently I have been in a darker then usual place and have been thinking about suicide on a daily basis. Life has become such a struggle emotionally and I have been battling like never before. I would break down in tears for no reason..the other day at the checkout in Tesco! It is a relief to go to sleep at night and a lot of the time I think it would such a relief not to wake up and go through it all again. But I have a son and though he is an adult now, I don't think I could do that to him.
A few weeks back I went to the GP and insisted on being referred to the Mental Health Team. I have just been assessed by a Psychiatrist who has diagnosed dysthymia. I have never heard of this condition before so looked it up and this is me to a T. I had a difficult childhood with a hard and critical father, parents who fought like cat and dog . I was never shown any affection as a child.
Can anyone go me any insight into dysthymia and how they have managed to overcome it, if at all? Also, if psychotherapy will help as this is what the Psychiatrist has recommended. Also, not sure whether to go back on the anti-depressants as they have never really helped. The Psychiatrist says I should speak to my GP about the medication but this has never got me far in the past.
I just want to feel like a 'normal' member of society and find joy in everyday life so that everything I do does not feel so hopeless and such a constant struggle.