I've only just realised that my partner of 13 years is really suffering from depression and will keep this as brief as possible.
She is an extremely strong and clever character , very loving and giving . She has suffered from Crohn's since the age of 15 ( now 42 ) she had her first operation 2 1/2 years ago which wasn't successful and at the same time she also had to have an hysterectomy because things didn't work out as planned she through herself back into work ( lawyer ) we struggled as a couple over the next 18 months she doesn't share her problems but solves others. Inevitably we ended up parting with me living one mile away and looking after the children until she returned from work. We spoke every day spent time together I even stayed over odd times. Then it was said that she had to have another opperation more bowel removed . After the operation she got phumonia and had to induced into a coma . This was not just deverstating for herself but also me as I wasn't told ( not married , and removed as next of kin ) I walked into ICU to see her in a coma it was awful no one had pre warned me what had happened. She pulled through and when she was brought home by her family they decided that I wasn't allowed to see her alone they controlled every thing she did and I wasn't allowed near the love of my life, after two weeks of this and so much frustration she told them that she was going to decide who she saw and what she did, then her mother moved out and dumped her she was also dumped by two of her brothers apparently over our relationship. But we both had suffered over this month and therefore have been finding thing more difficult.
I didn't read up on what problems she may have to deal with but I did know that she was struggling ( the operation hasn't been good she has lost nearly 3 stone and now finds it hard to eat but she still tries to work , I havnt been able to spend the time with her like we both would have liked . She has always worked away at times but it now was extended by a day here and there. She told me she felt like she needed sometime alone and I encouraged her to get away she had four days away (alone) when she returned I asked where we were at in our relationship ( I needed to know ) she only when pushed said that she felt that we had no future , not what I was expecting and I started to try and piece it all together . Now she has told me that she may be going away with our son after Christmas . I was now wanting to know what, where, why she explained that she needs to get away and she can't fight for our relationship anymore . Then it appears that some guy ex client who has always held a candle for her has offered her to go to his place ( lives abroad) for a holiday ? I have been devastated and explained what this will do to us both , she cries a lot and says she loves me and she could never love anyone the same again . I too have told her that it will break my heart , there has never at any time in our relationship been any indiscretions on any part . She says that she hasn't done anything and dosnt have any feelings for him and I have explained that this guy maybe a nice guy and a good man ( her discription ) but by just accepting to go is turning on the green light . She says she is torn and she can't see another way out of our mess . I have done all the things I feel I should I told her how much I love her and even reminded her of all the special times we have had but she can't see the light.
She is running away from her problems and knows it , she is too proud to talk to her doctor even though I've asked her to . I turned to the Internet for advice / info then I came across an article on Fight or Flight and depression . Yes she is depressed she even shows all the signs but is strong enough to put a face on for the right people. I'm afraid that she goes and in so breaks what is so special to us , then returns in to reallity and then we have a bigger problem. She says it may be the biggest mistake of her life she doesn't know .
What can I do ? I don't know how I'm going to feel I know it's breaking my heart now , I've told her that I am trying to cherish every last second I spend with her but it's killing me
I'm sorry for the length of this story but there are no short cuts in love . I have sent her the article on Fight or Flight and depression and asked her to go to see her GP but I can't do any more other than let her go away and make the biggest mistake of our lives , sorry I can take them to the airport.
Loving you forever B