Feeling down and awful

Come to a head for myself, father in law died 2 years ago I literally had his voice say goodbye to me in the middle of the night,mt hat has bothered me since. My own father died in March a man I had not seen in 30 years as the way he treated us all in our youth. I did not know what to think and felt wrong for feeling nothing and not knowing what to do. I had a health scare for cancer between April and now also which has really scared me to death as well. Loads of tests some painful and scans. My performance has dropped at work and I have not been getting the figures they want, when my boss gets me in I am on the edge of tears all the time my voice breaks when I try to explain. I have been unable to get rid of the feeling of being really down and tearful and my thinking feels fogged, I can't make decisions and what I do I do slowly and not in an ordered fashion. My confidence is shot, I don't feel I can do anything right as far as works concerned, the last six months have been the worst.

4 Replies

  • Hi welcome to the site. You have had a lot happen to you in a relatively short space of time and I am wondering if you are now suffering from depression. This is quite natural under the circumstances. Maybe you are also thinking about mortality and facing it for the first time? I don't know how old you are but at 62 I went through the same phase and I think we all do eventually.

    I think you should see your doctor and seek help. There is no need to be worried by this as mental health issues are something every doctor deals with many times. There are plenty of online depression tests so you can get a rough guidelines if it could be that. x

  • It is impossible to predict how we are going to respond to the death of someone close or even to a parent from whom we have been estranged - the range of feelings that the death of an estranged parent throws up are particularly unpredictable. Even though you didn't see or speak to him for 30 years it is unlikely that the death of your father won't have stirred up emotions from a long time ago - particularly if the relationship wasn't a good one and there is nobody that you can talk to about things.

    there are charities out there - Cruse is one that springs to mind - that can offer in help with getting through 'grief' and mood changes consistent with depression are a part of that


    it might be worth contacting them ... even if it doesn't really feel like grief in the normal sense.

  • Hi, it may be an idea to go to your GP and discuss this. It sounds as if you are depressed but also have anxiety brought on by a very stressful job. I watched this happen to my husband. He worked in a call centre with targets and we were going through a lot at home also. He was so stressed and working mega long hours with overtime. He just broke and really you don't want this to happen because you will reach melt down. Talk to your GP and see if they can help. The stress mixed with grief can hit you like a train so please take time out for you, for the long term. You may need medication, you may not but you sound very near to breaking. It's hard when others at work have no idea what is going on at home and yes there are people who just don't care sadly. Mainly because they have targets set to them by the boss above them.

  • Well diagnosed with depression got to go for counselling but also given some anti depressant to start taking, but not sure that I want to start taking them.

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