Feeling slightly down

[Lilmis]

Recently I've been feeling pretty low, about 2 months ago I landed my dream job, I was over the moon, then to be crushed today by my manager telling me because I'm agency my last day will be end of this month, now it may not sound so bad and that what the hell I should be able to cope, but I've been chasing this dream job for years, now it's gone I feel like the unluckiest person ever.

I've got no support system like my future husband doesn't make me feel like I can talk to him if I said to him that I'm feeling down or that I just wished sometimes that I could go to sleep and never wake up he'd say I'm being ridiculous which I probably am, but that's how I feel.

I also going back onto the job situation I had a very good salary in my previous job before my dream job and I never had to think twice about money but the dream job doesn't pay as much but it's a dream job.

I'm sorry if it seems like I'm just going on about crap, but because I have no one to talk to I didn't know what else to do, and I really can't sleep with worries of money, and now possibly no job.

I told my future husband I wanted to leave the uk go live somewhere else like Australia but he doesn't want to leave so I'm sort of stuck here because no way in my situation would I be able to raise 6k for a visa.

[Hidden]

I'm sorry you are in this situation. Sometimes, in my deepest "down-on-my-luck," I try to look for inspiration...for reasons why I may be where I'm at. If we had a crystal ball and we saw the future and could see our successes we would realize two things:

1) sometimes the small things in our presence don't mean much in the grand scheme of things and

2) sometimes these types of things happen to get us as they are part of the bigger plan.

Imagine, for a minute, that your current situation sends you on the hunt for your dream job again....but this time, it's even better!!! And it's permanaent!! And it leads to a chain of reactions that bring more and more and more!!!

If you can, read the Zen and the Art of Happiness by Chris Prentiss. It's a short read. The catch phrase is: "Everything that happens to me is the BEST possible thing that can happen to me!"

Lilmis, I hope you fell asleep by now and are resting and when you open your eyes, you realize that BIGGER and BETTER is waiting and it's SPECIAL and it's just for YOU!

[Lilmis in reply to Hidden]

Thank you sponiek yeah I eventually got to sleep around 1 and now feels like I've had no sleep what so ever . And yeah I'll read Zen and the art of happiness see if that can shift this mood because at the moment it just feels like I keep trying and failing at everything I do.

I just wanted this dream job to be permanent because I feel so much pride when I go to work here but I know it'll not be permanent and I keep thinking should I apply internally for another poistion here and wait for another opportunity to get bank into my dream job, but then the really isn't anything else I'd rather be doing than this dream job.

I've got no more fight left in me, but I'm going to read that you said and hopefully get some inspiration because at the moment I've got none of that.

Thank you again.

[Hidden in reply to Lilmis]

I can empathize! And I've been there and I'm sure many others have on this site. I'm proud of you for posting this...let it out because it's poison in us.

I hear that you CLEARLY know what you want. I wish I knew what my dream job was so I could move in that direction. Since you know, I would ask that you do something....

Every morning in the parking lot of your work, or while you quietly sitting with coffee, find the time to WRITE what you want. The only catch is, write from the perspective that you have already received it. Feel it as if you are IN THE PARKING LOT of your DREAM JOB! Avoid writing "I hope I get," or "I'll be excited when..."

Write a bullet point list and be careful what you ask for and the sky's the limit:-). Keep a notebook/journal. When your done writing these things, CLOSE the book and feel the feeling that you don't know HOW this will happen, and that you JUST KNOW this will happen.

Lastly, don't be disappointed if it doesn't happen right away. Everything happens in the perfect due time. Have trust, have faith, and have fun!!!

Have a good day!

[Lilmis in reply to Hidden]

Thank you and I will try that, writing stuff down, although I had a breakdown today in work and I just didn't want to be there but then I decided I would ring a agency that specialises in my area, and anyways cut a very long story short some random lady called for a job I applied for and gave me so much advice, but I've got so little time to put this in place as not being able to sleep recently maybe I should be updating my cv, but I've decided I'm going to update my cv Saturday morning along with doing college course work that I need to do, and ive had a look at zen the art of happiness not that any of it is sinking in just yet but maybe because my head is so far west as they say, I just need to bag another job I know once I do I'll feel much better about myself and fingers crossed this mood will lift. And to be honest in my college course we've just not long completed a self assessment and as you know your your worst critic and I know I keep dragging myself down and feeling disheartened when I don't get what it is I'm trying to do, I think of others before my self which isn't always a bad thing but can be bad if that makes sense.. anyways I'm waffaling

Thank you for your very kind words and advice it means a great deal to me I genuinely mean it

[Goldfish_]

You have to focus on what you have got and not the lost things. If you do focus on the negatives then it will drive you mad. It is past, gone, so you need to look at the present and put that behind you

[Satsuma in reply to Goldfish_]

Wise words Goldfish_

[Rick1on1]

Hi Lilmis,

Is this bout of depression a once-off or have you had them before?

If you are frequently down then you need to treat it and develop an action plan to support yourself through this illness.

I am also concerned that you do not have support from your fiance. We see many people here who struggle with our illness more than they should because of lack of support from family and friends. Some people just cannot make that leap to understand how debilitating this can be.

Rick1on1

[Lilmis in reply to Rick1on1]

Hi rick, I've had it once or twice before like well I think I have mainly around how my fiancé has been with me I've been to speak with a professional before but then I didn't go back well mainly because what I explained to him about how I was feeling he wanted me to go to a refuge for women but I feel comfortable with my fiancé and well anyways that's a whole different story, anyways I sorted things with my fiancé but I still don't get the feeling I can tell him like what I've wrote down on here, I don't have many friends that makes me sometimes anxious I suppose the word is, no one who knows me and gets me? Only my fiancé does and he's been trying to help but not in the sense that we can have a talk like I told him I had a breakdown today but then he quickly switched topics it's like I have to be strong and that's probably why I can't talk to him it's like admitting I'm weak if that makes sense? I'm going on about crap probably gone well off topic there too..

[spykey]

Hi Lilmis

How are you doing? I'm really sorry that I didn't welcome you to our friendly, supportive & non-judgemental site! Feel free to keep post as and when you need to! We will try try to support as much as we are able to!

It's great that you've had a number of replies from our great AoD family members!

Sorry it's a belated welcome!

Take Care Warm Wishes spykey🤗

[Reposting1]

Hello chuck

What are you going to do that is positive ????

Have you started fishing for a job yet ??????

do you live your life for your job ????

Are you happy at home??????? If you were in a boring job could you give yourself to it with the happiness that you take to work with you from home ????? Where does that happiness and fulfillment come from ?????

I understand how you feel , shakey like standing on a piece of paper ice floating on a river with nothing to cling onto . This site is important for people like you and I , its something to cling onto when we're cast adrift , but you need more support as well . Sometimes strength is hard to find , not everyone has that strength and determination sometimes it depends on how you were brought up I know that I never had that strength. , but , I had a heck of a lot of determination .

I'm 71 and when i look back I think what a drastic childhood I had that ran into my late teens ,, I was rescued by a loveing caring wife that makes me the other half of a whole ,,, I still have all the pain etc of my past but I don't need to look at it I just need to look at her and I'm not on that ice on a river and yes we do have our ups and downs , that's life and how we grow .

I'd like you to keep in touch , you have my best wishes

[Lilmis in reply to Reposting1]

Hi reposting one,

Yes I've been hunting for jobs, been turned down a few times, just wish now I know my end date is coming soon that I could just leave now but with commitments I can't just up and go so I really do hope I get something now rather than having no job and also I feel I should just leave them to do what they need to do without me but then I'd feel sorry for the staff I'm helping grrr hate this I really do.

I don't actually live my life for my job as such I do want a career and I want that before I'm 35 and I'm 31 now so not long really.

I suppose I could be happier at home as I said I don't get much emotional support from my future husband he supports me financially but moans about that I suppose.

I just need to try finding another job paid better and for a good company, I think once I get my job in my desired career path I'll be content you know I won't need his support I'll be a independent woman what I used to be before I stupidly decided to change career paths but I know that in time not straight away (bottom of ladder) but as I climb up I'll be in such a better position in life, just holding on to that one thought right now.

[Reposting1]

Hi lilmis

I do understand your feelings of need for financial independence but does that mean you are able to lean on each other and feel comfortable with each other . However what about the career you left would it be possible to return to it , would there be an opening available , would it mean you returning with your tail between your legs . When we work for someone we have to be a tool in their tool box , we must not only be the tool to fit a purpose we need to be a tool of great use and desire , this is mostly achieved from long reliance or working up the ladder that your boss comes to rely on keep looking and pushing , are you sure that they no longer need you

[Lilmis in reply to Reposting1]

I can't go back to my previous job it ended and I was out of a job for 3 months then I got given this opportunity, and now I've lost this opportunity so now I've got to find a job in this field because it's hard enough to get into this career to be leaving this career path to go back to what I did similar to before

That probably makes no sense

[Reposting1 in reply to Lilmis]

I understand

But don't lose hope , anxiety and insecurity go hand in hand with depression , stick in there and keep your spirits up , it won't do your relationship at home any good if you mope , that's where your strength is .

Thinking about you

Reposting1

[Reposting1 in reply to Lilmis]

I do like that idea of a diary that put forward please keep in touch , it's much better than bottling it up anyway . I do hope our chatting so far has been positive , I'm not really worried if you want to talk about what you bought in Marks & Spencer

With love

Reposting1

[Lilmis in reply to Reposting1]

Thank you reposting, I got good news today that another company likes my cv, but I've got to get past tests and that at the moment I feel so stupid and well I suppose the more I think about it maybe I should just try my hardest and if I don't pass then no big deal I suppose... but it's the agency I need to keep on my side if they think I'm stupid words of the future husband then they'll not want to help me, but what else can I do. anyways not going to worry too much about that right now.

Yes a diary sounds like a good idea I was once told to keep a diary when I was younger and suffered very bad depression, although can never remember if that helped me or not. Plus if I kept a diary he'd be able to see it unless I see if I can download one on my phone maybe.

Thank you for being positive with me and I apologise if I don't seem very positive right now just can't help it at the moment with everything that's going on in my life

[Reposting1 in reply to Lilmis]

Keep in touch

[Rick1on1]

Hi Lilmis,

I can't help noticing that you are constantly putting yourself down and trying to trivialize your feelings. Please don't. You already have low self-esteem and you should not be beating yourself to the ground like this.

Irrespective of what life throws at you; you could always be proud of how you reacted to it. You are not there yet, but it could be something to work on. Let that be a purpose, a guiding light if you will.

Have you considered a diary as a way of getting things off your chest? You may start seeing a trend that can help to prevent you from becoming a victim of severe depression.

Take care and good luck and let us know if you need help with anything specific.

Rick1on1