Melt down

[Emmie-Lou2]

I really don't come on here as often as I should but had a complete melt down today. After a 3 year investigation my elderly dad was imprisoned for something he didn't do at the end of last year. We thought things couldn't get any worse and having moved in with my mum again to help her out I thought things would settle into a routine. Of course it doesn't tho. Dad has had a rough start and the 3 years of being strong has finally caught up with my mum who now has days where her memory is affected by the stress and she's lost.

I've suffered from depression for many years so I have struggled with the last few years but for the first time I am failing in my job. Much like Mum I think I've got to the point where enough is enough and my brain is not functioning sufficiently to be productive at work. I'm at risk of losing my job and I have no idea what to do. I have no control over my brain and I'm fed up of feeling rubbish and a failure everyday. I guess I'm going to have to look for a new job that's less demanding. Less money will be an issue but need to feel good about myself again. Has anyone else been in similar situation?

I spent all day in bed today and it was amazing but I know that's not the answer xxx

[Rick1on1]

Hi Emmie-Lou,

It is very difficult to cope with depression when you have family depending on you to be their "rock".

I have been a leader in my family since a young age and as my depression got worse it was more difficult to deal with the family. At this point I have withdrawn quite a bit so the load is much more bearable. Do you have other siblings that you can help with your parents?

I am also finding my job quite hard to do. I dont enjoy the work or the people in it and am looking for something else. Some days I feel like walking out as the pressure is unbearable but I have a son and I need to provide for him so I can't. Have you considered writing a journal of your thoughts when you brain goes into overdrive?

It may help to isolate issues so you could tackle them individually.

What else are you doing to cope with depression?

Rick1on1

[Emmie-Lou2 in reply to Rick1on1]

Thank you Rick1on1

I have done a lot of CBT which I practice as much as I can but I am so exhausted most of the time I fail miserably to look after myself.

I wish you well with the job search. I think that's the route I will end up taking. It's the worst possible time to try and find the right one and sell yourself but I feel that things in my current job will only get worse all the time I m not performing.

[Blueshirt]

I understand. Spend as much time as possible with your Mum. Tell her every day how much you love her; hug her and look after her. Treasure every second with her. Visit your Dad. Make sure he has enough extra funds to buy proper food whilst he's in there. Make sure you take a 30 minute walk every day. And if your present job sucks take a holiday from work for a week and think about whether you want to change jobs. I don't know the answer, but having cocked up my own life I pray for God and good luck to intervene and save yours.

[Emmie-Lou2 in reply to Blueshirt]

Thank you soo much Blue shirt. Good advice.

All the very best to you too xxx

[Blueshirt in reply to Emmie-Lou2]

Many thanks Emmie-Lou. I pray the universe sends you some good luck now

[Findingme]

Try very hard not to allow yourself to stop doing what you need to do every day. It is so easy to give up and form bad habits, but very hard to stop them later. Be strong and all will work itself out.

[Olderal]

Hello Emmie-Lou. I have been lucky enough to have had good GPs over many episodes and years of depression. One good piece of advice I was given by one was to try and avoid big decisions when depressed. Not always possible of course.

I think it likely that you are performing better at work than you think in your present low state. Its likely that the past years troubles have affected your work performance but not by as much as you think. If you've held down a demanding job through periods of depression you are certainly very much not rubbish and a failure although depression can certainly make you feel that way. It would certainly be a good idea to make your workplace aware of the problems with family over the past year ,and tell them that you hope it has n't affected your work too much. You are likely to find they rate you much higher than you are rating yourself which will give you a lift and buy you time before making any decision.

A change of job to a less demanding one may be a big relief but could also bring other stresses once the initial excitement fades. Buying some time might even mean you find a less demanding job that pays more, and there also might be a possibility that your current employer accomodates you in a similar job which gives you a bit more time to devote to your mother. I would certainly explore every avenue at your current employer before burning any boats.

Whatever the outcome and whatever you decide I do hope luck is with you. I managed to hold down a demanding job with a large multinational until retirement and was tempted once or twice to throw it in as I felt I was n't performing well, only to be promoted soon afterwards ! Lucky,and I hope you have the same luck.

Olderal