I am done caring


I don't know how to start this post. I am feeling very depressed to the degree where I don't see the point in trying anymore to keep doing things. I am constantly cancelling plans I may have had to find voluntary opportunities, work experience or workshops to help me with my professional development as I am starting my third year of university in September. I just end up staying in bed the whole day and do not want to do anything. I feel as though I am done caring about everything about what happens in my life, about everyone else, I just don't feel anything at the moment. Is this normal? I also keep missing days of my antidepressants.

15 Replies

  • I emphasise NG but missing your ad's certainly isn't helping. Ad's have a culmulative effect ie the more you take them the better you will feel. Make a special effort to take them regardless of how you are feeling. Perhaps keeping them by your bedside with a glass of water would help?

    Are you having any counselling? x

  • Yes everyone says this but I have only taken them again because not taking them makes me feel worse to it being unbearable. I know that they help but I often don't see the point in taking them as I do not value myself or see the point in doing anything.

  • Can I suggest making small steps towards reinstating your self worth ? You say you don't see the point in taking your meds as you don't value yourself or see the point in doing anything ... To move forward we have to take the bull by his horns so to speak and guide ourselves into better waters. The only person is us who can do this. People can advise and give their support but ultimately the change is down to us .. Do you want to still be in this same position for the foreseeable future ? Or do you want to be somewhere completely different ? I say this having gone through a tough time and I have had to make changes for the better. It does work and we can do it ourselves. Small changes amount to bigger and better things .. Hope you find strength very soon Naturegirl22

  • Hello Naturegirl, your symptoms and feelings are pretty typical and normal of depression. Fortunately depression usually goes away of its own accord eventually, far faster if you seek medical help and are prescribed antidepressants. This means that eventually you will resume normal life although depression could reoccur in the future and often does.

    The point in doing things ,or at least as much as you can, is that when the depression ends the less you do now ,the more difficult it will be to pick up the threads of normal life. You are starting your third university year in September. It would be a tragedy if your lassitude extends into that third year and badly affects your degree and hence future prospects. You may not feel you care now about what happens in your life but when recovered you could end up regretting not making the maximum effort you can now to achieve as much as you can while depressed.

    I know that this is very difficult but it should n't be difficult for you to at least take your meds.If you need a nursemaid to make sure this happens you are in a bad way.

    Everything you feel and have written is normal with depression. You have to show the abnormal courage , resilience , and self discipline to overcome that "normal". No one can do this for you but you should be intelligent enough to know that at your stage in your career just giving up and spending days in bed will probably have a cost in later life which you will almost certainly regret.

    I can console you in that I feel great sympathy for any young person suffering depression but I would n't be doing you any favours if I did n't point out that recovering from depression requires some effort,usually a great effort, from the sufferer although drugs, therapy, and support from friends and family are usually needed as well.


  • Depression doesn't go of it's own accord, it is always there no matter how you are doing. I have had depression for 16 years and was diagnosed with BPD one and a half years ago.

    You say it shouldn't be hard for me to take my Meds but you have no idea. When you don't feel like doing anything, you don't see the point or value yourself or your life enough to even do anything such as taking medication, it is a way of self-harming and neglecting yourself

  • And I don't like your statement that I should be intelligent enough.... intelligence has nothing to do with it at all!

  • Naturegirl ,you're right in that depression often recurs but fortunately it is very rare to get continuous depression for more than say a couple of years,usually it is far less.

    That means that eventually you will feel more positive about life and hopefully seek to obtain some satisfaction from it, however hopeless it seems at the moment. While you are suffering you will inevitably not be capable of doing as much as usual but it is important to do as much as you can as this will make resuming a normal life much easier when the depression lifts.

    While self neglect is usually a part of depression, most people who beat spells of depression,and thats most of us, realise that we can't rely on 24/7 supervision to ensure we take our meds. and don't spend all day in bed. You're right its not that much to do with intelligence , plain common sense would be a more accurate description.Young people ,particularly kids , are fond of saying they don't really care what happens to them. For anyone with depression this is the first stage of throwing in the towel . Usually one soon wants the towel back but its easier not to throw it in in the first place.

    The medics and people who care about you will help all they can but you also have to do all you can,however little may be possible , to fight and beat this illness. After over 50 years of it I have a pretty good idea of what that means and as encouragement would say that even with recurring depression it is possible to have a successful career and as contented a life,most of the time as one could reasonably hope for.Although you can say you don't really care what happens to you , you almost certainly will when the depression lifts and all you can do now is as much as you can to recover and as quickly as possible and until then carry on as much as possible with normal life.


  • No need to over-react to that statement. From where I'm sitting, it wasn't said to insult OR hurt.

    You'vesimply misunderstood the good intentions behind the statement.

    And YES depression certainly does lift to some degree, if only for a short while.

    I am currently in a place similar to you. I struggle like most of us here do but I do take my meds. I'm currently working on trying to heal in other ways but it's difficult when you're doing it alone. And yeah, I'm at Uni too.

    You're clearly at a very low point. You sound like you've lost hope.

    Depression needs to be treated holistically and with assistance. A person can't do it alone because it's TOO difficult.

    If you need to, defer your studies. Seek out all who can be of assistance. Prepare to fight and fight long and hard. If your meds were helping, take them. If they weren't, then consider new one's.

    All you need is one little bid of hope and a small step to get the ball rolling and that's all. Having said all that, until you start to value yourself and life, very little is going to change for you unfortunately.

    I wish you peace from suffering.

  • Thank you. I am aware of all of these things already, well aware but when you feel like this, even getting out of bed is difficult and when you don't even see the point of doing anything, I really hope it passes. I have Borderline personality disorder as well.

  • Depression is an unusual illness where there is no motivation to do anything so you have to do something first to motivate yourself. Not easy I know but you have to try. It also leads to negative thoughts where you don't feel worthy of getting help, and low self esteem. Don't let it trick your mind and recognise that it is the depression that is the enemy not your mind. Do you have anyone to help you and remind you to take your meds regardless how you are feeling.? x

  • Oh honey I wish I could just wrap you up and hug you xxx I have two adorable daughters that both suffered bouts of depression whilst at university and for me it was much worse seeing their suffering than my own bouts of depression when I had just given up even wanting to help myself.

    When I was very young I remember just trying to sleep the hours away because it was easier than facing the world as I saw it, always more aware of what was wrong rather than seeing what was right.

    My girls are very different from one another, one needed friends to keep reassuring her although it never did and she needed meds to help calm her thoughts to change focus back to her studies which she loved so much. The other one used exercise and the responsibility of having to look after a horse to help her through. Both have somehow got through and are very happy, but sometimes it can take the slightest knock to make their self-esteem plummet into the depths, it's sometimes hard to believe when is see them at the opposite and laughing at everything that goes wrong. I sure don't miss the endless trips bringing them home so they weren't left alone, but I will still worry myself silly about the 'what ifs' of this world to keep those I love safe.

    Each time I have to try to come back to the present and not the past or completely unknown future. It's like everything you have been so good at teaching yourself up to now, you worked hard and repeated doing things over and over until you could do them, there is passion and drive in you that is so easy to dismiss when life seems too difficult to cope with.

    Are you enjoying the course you have chosen? Sometimes it's more important to enjoy it than worry if you will pass it or if it will get you to where you want to go. Try and see the support counsellor at uni, I know one of my daughters was helped a lot with her personal issues of trust.

    Your imagination is an incredible asset that can sometimes help, try protecting that inner negative thoughts to a scraggy black bird lurched on one shoulder and imagine a be beautiful multi coloured happy parrot on the other that will say something positive to every negative thought, it may help you realise they are what they are, just thoughts, not reality so that you can stand back and observe.

    Ask yourself what you would do today if you didn't feel this bad? Could you just try one small thing that would help and then at the end of the day try to be pleased with that one little thing, tomorrow it could be two.

    It may take a little while to recover, but then it took much longer than you think to build this depression inside.

    Please keep hope in your heart that the you going forward can be stronger, happier with a heart full of love, not just for others, but for that lovely you that is presently hiding at the back of your head listening to the wrong voices.

    Lots of hugs, Moni xxx

  • This is such good advice x

  • You sound as if you are really feeling low right now. Small things help you move forward and staying in bed will most probably keep you stuck in low mood. Getting up and dressed tells your body you're ready for life. Eating meals helps you think straight. Just small things kick start some recovery. Feel proud you've completed 2 years of uni, that's amazing.... you have done so well. Your medication needs to be taken consistently for it to work. You have done a positive action by posting your feelings on here. All on here are willing you forward. A positive attitude is vital. You must believe that you can get back to feeling better, by better I mean better than today. Lots of people with BPD can manage it, but it takes some managing and some routines to deal with the tough days. This is your tough day. Try to tell yourself you deserve an better than this, just get out of bed and try. You have proved you have the power to get great things done. Try to boot the black cloud away and get on your best clothes and just take baby steps. (Don't focus on stuff you didn't end up doing, that's no problem, you was not ready on those days. Some stuff will get done, some stuff won't.) But you deserve to feel well. Just start back with your old routines of getting out there, if you can. Good luck.

  • Hi Naturegirl

    I have BPD along with anxiety, depression & physical issues & a few other things! I haven't been to university, as I am having to do long distance learning, to retrain again to change career for the second time, due to my health issues limiting me.

    I know you don't want to get out of bed, go anywhere or do anything! I feel like this quite often & have to use my inner strength to get out of bed & to study to meet deadlines!

    I notice you have said a couple of times you have said you have heard the advice before! So you know all about what is being advised! I have too, but sometimes we need to hear it again! You've are showing in your posts that you have some inner strength, maybe now you could draw on it!

    I know you say that you don't to take your meds sometimes, this can confuse your body if you do & then don't! That can really impact on your mind & mood & body, and it doesn't know how to react! If you decide to despite everything to stay in bed, you could put your meds beside your bed with a glass of water, even if you just lean out of your bed to take them & then turn over! It's your choice, but who knows what will happen this time next week if you give it a go!

    You've obviously joined the group looking to get some support or answers, which I know everyone is prepared to give, from what they know or have experienced, but you need to work with us!

    I know it's not easy when you feel rough, maybe day to day you could make a few small steps! I'm not gonna tell you what to do, that is up to you! I know when I've felt like you do, I wanted to stay in bed & had to sit on the side of the bed or on top of the covers, that's a step small I know but a step! Getting the glass of water from the kitchen another step! I know you're not a child, and I don't see you as one! I just know taking those small steps could help, I don't know I'm not you! And small steps keep the brain active! Being at uni I don't know how it feels, but others do! I just know I have to kick myself sometimes to get my studies done, even though I want to watch TV all day!!

    Take a day at a time.

    And Take Care. spykey

  • My advice if you are feeling this low is to try to go to see your doctor again, I know this can be a massive challenge when you feel this low. If you can't make it to the surgery you can call them and ask for a telephone appointment or a home visit. They have crisis counselling for times when things look blackest. Speaking from experience try to do something as soon as possible. I've been where you are a few times. Sometimes you can come out of it on your own, with time, but the other option is things go downwards and that doesn't end anywhere good. I hope you can find some last shreds of strength. The fact that you are still on this site shows that you are still fighting, that there is still a part of you that wants to be ok, even if that seems distant at the moment. Keep fighting, you are worth it. Hugs.

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