Has anyone done #take5toblog? time-to-change.org.uk/timet... It came up on my Facebook feed from Mind, and I found it inspiring.
I did it yesterday. Initially I wasn't going to share it, but then I thought that I should - because I'm tired of hiding myself. I have finally broken the ice; and revealed to not just a close few, but everyone, that I self-harm. I now have no fear of what people may think (which is always a struggle for me. I'm found of 'mind reading'). I am concerned about what my mum and dad will think. But, y'know, I've come clean about it - it reveals the depths of how much I've struggled. So now we can talk about things on a better footing.
I would encourage you to take part. Even if you don't share... for me, it helped me realise how much I have struggled in the past, and where I've come from.
1. My name is Ewan and I have experienced depression since I was a teen, as well as self-harm mainly through cutting myself.
2. My mental illness has affected my ability to love my wife fully, to listen other's wisdom, it has affected my ability to make friendships, makes me withdraw which I mask in various ways (for example, at dinner parties, hiding by helping in the kitchen), has made me miss meetings, days of uni, made me lose a university placement as I had a breakdown during it...
3. my greatest source of support has been my wife and a couple of close friends. Up until you read this, my wife was the only one who knew about my self-harming.
4. my hope for the future is that I will be able to handle emotions with the right response; that I won't even think about using a knife, that I will be able to do all of the jobs for the day without getting exhausted, that when I am mentally weak I wouldn't stay in bed but get up anyway; that I would never have to hide from myself or others.
5. I'm doing this post because... well, the recent 7 things you haven't known about me yet Thing has been fascinating and amusing, even titillating at points. But even if I was nominated for it, I wouldn't do it, because I want you to know the real me. The one who struggles, day in day out, with doing the things that others just get on with - the me, who is a mess.