Giving Up

Hello. My depression has hit a all time low. I am 23 and struggling with my moods and I am getting increasingly lonely. I am a musician and I am currently studying music at uni. I have however accepted the fact that I am going to be poor and struggle well into the future. I am very poor and do not eat properly. I drink and smoke cannabis just to make the time go by and take my mind off things. Of course it doesn't. I don't really talk to my family. I always get upset cause I know I am letting them down as it is and I don't want to give them more things to worry about. I am not happy with my living situation and I am behind on rent. I am meant to be starting a new job on Friday which requires me to have black shoes which I don't have or cant afford. The job means I will be working Christmas eve and boxing day which means I will be in an empty house on Christmas day. I feel really lonely. I have friends around me but I don't tell them anything personal so I just hide under my bedroom duvet wishing I wasn't around to bother anyone.

I just don't see much of a future that I want to be part of.

8 Replies

  • Cannabis can cost a lot of money and alcohol is more expensive now and these together will eat into your money.

    Alcohol is also a depressant and won't be helping you to feel any better. Diet is also important in maintaining normal functioning of the brain. Becoming addicted to drugs also causes problems. Perhaps if you worked on not drinking and smoking things will start to seem better? I know I can't drink and tend to stay away from it. Alcohol alone can make you depressed and getting drunk on your own can be lonely. I think that without the expense of the cannabis and drink you will have more money to eat a healthy diet. Also exercise is fantastic for raising the happy hormones in your body, so why not take up running or walking? Take your iPod and go for a walk every day.

    Only you can help yourself and so it's important not to be your own worst enemy. You are lucky to be at uni studying a subject you enjoy. Playing music can be therapeutic for those who suffer with depression.

  • Hi bassplayer my heart goes out to you ,you sound as though you've almost given up . please know you are not alone . the way you're feeling is due to your iillness ( depression ) . Depression stinks ; i know i have it and understand how you feel at the moment . you're not letting your family down , you have an illness and they will want to know how hard you're finding things at the moment . equally i'm sure your friends would want ot know how you really feel , maybe start with one friend or family member you feel close to . your family may worry but it is because they care about you and i'm sure they would hate to think that you were feeling so bad and not talking to them about it ; . My own nephew said pretty well all the things you have written in your post when he went through a very bad patch 5 years ago and i was upset that he had been struggling to cope on his own , so please talk to someone .. if talking to family or friends seems impossible just yet you could phone the Samaritans , they are so good and have helped me through some difficult times or there's young minds ( part of the Mind charity ) . both numbers you can look up through google . i

    i would love to hear from you again on here to see how you're doing and will look out for more posts from you .

    remember though YOU'RE NO ALONE !


    Surffan x

  • Okay the 1st thing you do is stop taking cannabis which will make your depression worse and cut down on your drinking - just get a pair of black pumps for the job at the bar you did not say if you are male of female

    you also need to tell your mum or dad that you need some support ie some money tell them that you are finding the money situation not feel lonely find one person in uni that you can talk with go and see your tutor and ask him to recommend somebody you can speak with at the uni or go and see your gp

    and explain how you feel and they might recommend some medication to pick your mood up. Make a start you could change this situation around if you try. I know its difficult with all the pressure of uni work

    but take one task per day. Also you have to remember that plenty of students are in the very same position it can be lonely - my daughter is doing music at uni also I support her its not easy. Talk with your parents and ask for some support if you can and stop taking that weed believe me it will make you lazy and it does cause depression. I am sure somebody in the uni would support you just go and ask. You must try and eat properly - get focused just hiding away in bed will not make it go away. You have a place in life you can only do your best do not put pressure on yourselve take it day by day. Forget Christmas get to work you will feel better for it and think of the money - Christmas is just a two day wonder forget it and focus on your uni work (this is your one and only chance to get this degree so make the most of it and stop the weed

    You must also try and find one friend in the same situation - maybe another student who you work with and tell them how you feel. Listen you can only do your best life changes daily things will get better once you take control. And remember you are only young once this time at uni will soon pass but dont let it pass without being in some sort of control. Try and make a start - stop the weed 1st see your gp second

    ask your family for support 3rd and see your tutor or student advice support officer (all uni have one)

    most of all do not hide away I am dam sure you have lots to give in your life try and make a start.


  • On the practical side of things you can get a pair of cheap black shoes in places like Matalan etc for about £15. In terms of being a musician - yes it is going to be a struggle for you to 'make it' let's say and it depends what exactly you want to do with it. Having struggled myself with an entertainment career, I know its pitfalls. If I could go back and advise my younger self I would not 'give up my day job' as is so often heard and make sure I wasn't sacrificing financial security for a grand dream that probably won't pan out. That doesn't mean in any way to give up, it's just saying have some realism in your methods and dreams and your approach to getting them. And please do not rely on weed if you're prone to depression because my music producer mate started smoking it at 21 and has never had a full time job in 20 years since. You don't wanna go down that road.

  • Hi Bassy

    Sorry to hear life is feeling so much of a struggle for you at the moment, sometimes we can dig ourselves into a pit of loneliness, thinking there is no alternatives and this is what life is going to be like.

    You are studying a wonderful subject at uni, because its something that can be so absorbing, I often find it’s things like this that can help so much with depression, putting your heart and soul into music or art. Being a good musician or artist is not as natural as some people think, but requires hour upon hour of hard work, by focusing on the things like these, its constantly occupying the mind just the same as those that practice meditation and relaxation find it helps with depression, it can stop things spiraling out of control.

    Having a struggle with money sucks big time, sadly there aren’t that many people that don’t have this struggle, I remember when my family was small and we never had enough, I used to go out walking to find what foods I could use that were wild! You would be amazed what is available and how tasty they are. Ok I am not suggesting you do that, I was just that sort of person who loved paying with food, or just investigate what all the alternatives to my situation were and my kids used to love helping collect nuts and petels and mushrooms to see what I could do with them :-)

    What I am trying to say was not having the money took second place to having fun seeing what we could do instead of what we couldn’t. if working to earn some extra money means you first have to settle with getting a pair of second hand black shoes, you can pick them up very cheaply, if that idea is too grim for you, suggest to some of your family to get you them for Christmas? make sure you have checked out all the help at your uni, as they all have special funds to either give out top ups, some are loans and some are just hardship funds that you don't need to re-pay and if you need something like shoes I am sure they would get them for you :-)

    I don’t know where your university is, but if you are lucky to be in a big town you will find there are a lot of charity organizations now that give food parcels to those not so fortunate. Have you ever thought about helping out at either a homeless shelter or other type of home over the Christmas, they are always so in need of kind hearts to help them out, you not only get some dinner, but find yourself in a very happy atmosphere were everyone tries to make the most of the event and have fun? And certainly being a musician make you personally in very great demand with those sorts of skills!

    Honestly bassy, non of us really never know what life will have in store our the future, so don’t upset yourself thinking it will always be a struggle, just focus on the present and finding out ways to fill your days or hours with what really matters to you. xxx

  • Hello Everyone.

    Thank you for your comments they mean a lot and have been helpful. I start my new job tomorrow and will be buying some shoes in the morning. I spoke to my mum on Facebook. I didn't necessarily tell her how I was feeling but I said how stressed I was and that I would not be home for Christmas which did kind of upset her. She seemed more concerned about me being on my own on Christmas day.

    I am my own worst enemy and I do have an addictive personality. I have not had a drink today or a smoke. My head does fill a little bit clearer although I do feel pretty low still. I suppose one productive thing I do when I feel like this is write poems.... I like to write songs and will spend hours in the library flicking through books and newspapers and scribble down ideas of what I am thinking or feeling.

    Another side affect I do have which I wanted to bring up...................... As well as feeling low for a period of time I also have phases of being really hyper and awake. I am not complaining to be honest cause I get a lot done, feel great and full of confidence. I quite often stay up for a couple of days during it......

    Does anyone else get that?

  • You will go down that buzz route if you smoke weed - stay off the stuff/drink let your brain get back to normal will take some time - just pack drugs in otherwise you will end up with mental health problems for life and you have so much to offer. Be up front with your mother tell her the truth (she will know anyway - ask her for support in your chats she will support you I am sure) Take it day by day your sleep pattern will return to normal, also its good you go down the uni to work I am sure you will see other students working in library just like you I know my daughter lives in her library and recording studio can be lonely but she take time out

    manages one night a week to sing at the open mic night (cheers her up) focus on your good points and please pack in the weed. Find yourselve a friend who is not into that stuff.

    Living and coping with depression is bad enough once you are a suffer (you could turn your life around now is your chance you do have a purpose in life you just cannot see it (stop looking for failure in yourselve and focus on your work, meet up with a nice friend somebody who is drug free /// also make to effort to see your mum at some point tell her you will come for the New Year ......... if you can you must plan ahead in future get in control of your own life.


  • For anyone suffering from depression, I recommend the system.

    Written by a former depression sufferer, it teaches 7 steps which help to eliminate depression from your life.

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