Being "the best" / Having "dreams" (earlier post which didn't seem to go)

I've separated this from the other post, which should really have come after it.

On Wednesday night we had a meditation time and we were asked to think about dreams we had when we were younger etc. and I realised that my dreams were of being 'normal', of being accepted by my peer group, of Mum being healthy, of getting married and having children. All of these proved pipe dreams - I'm 67 and have never been asked on a date. My' babies' have four legs, tails and (usually) fur!

I would probably nowadays have been diagnosed with developmental dyspraxia (co-ordination problems), prosopagnosia (poor facial recognition) and possibly mild Asperger's syndrome. I was a very 'verbal' child and learned that my teachers and my parents liked it when I was top of the class and through school and studies was usually one of the top two.

As part of my depression, I've found myself losing interest in three things in particular - image manipulation/Photoshop Elements, preparing photos for this year's competition, and rat showing. I realised that in all these things, especially the last, I never will be the best. (Breeders normally keep the best of their litters to show themselves, or sell them to other breeders so that their genes are passed on, and non-breeders come last in the line.) I can't always be 'the best.' As a Christian, I believe that God has a plan for me - to be the best 'ME' He intends, and I'm reminded of the words by the former Salvation Army General John Gowans, "In this quiet moment, make a better me."

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  • It's funny how we lose interest in things, isn't it? I wonder if it could be worth exploring something new? A complete change? Have you ever done anything like take the rats to visit local schools? Just a thought ...

    As for 67 and never having been asked on a date - there's still plenty of time, if it's what you're looking for. What about a dating agency?

    I envy you having religion. The way my mind works doesn't allow for things that I can't prove. I can't accept a God that I've never got a chance of seeing. I often wish I had someone, or something, to talk to, and something to help me make sense of the world around me.

  • I sometimes think we are conditioned when we are young to have a very narrow view of success - the well paid job, the detached suburban house, the whole 2.4 deal. But at the end of the day, everything in life has its good and bad aspects, and there is no one size fits all, or any recipe for a "successful" life.

    I did economics at university and realised that the expansion of a capitalist economy actually depends on keeping up demand; demand depends on people always wanting more, never being content with their lot, always wanting the bigger house, the new iphone, the fancier car. Made me think a lot more about what I actually wanted out of life, and whether I was just following that ideal that we're conditioned to think of as a success. Ultimately, I decided that with things like relationships and children, I don't know that it much matters to my happiness in the long run. There are good things about being in a relationship, and there are good things about being single. If I find someone I like who likes me, great, if not, no big deal.

    I was brought up a Christian, but I'm not any longer. Funnily enough, one of the things that contributed to that was the idea that God had a plan, or knew my future - I'm wired the complete opposite way, I can't stand the idea of fate or destiny in any form; although I do definitely agree that the point is not to be the best, but the best form of you.

    Bit of a different source for a quote, but I like this: "He would not defend himself; he didn't even raise his hands, I will not beg, because this is how I am" (Manic Street Preachers, Marlon JD).

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