I've separated this from the other post, which should really have come after it.
On Wednesday night we had a meditation time and we were asked to think about dreams we had when we were younger etc. and I realised that my dreams were of being 'normal', of being accepted by my peer group, of Mum being healthy, of getting married and having children. All of these proved pipe dreams - I'm 67 and have never been asked on a date. My' babies' have four legs, tails and (usually) fur!
I would probably nowadays have been diagnosed with developmental dyspraxia (co-ordination problems), prosopagnosia (poor facial recognition) and possibly mild Asperger's syndrome. I was a very 'verbal' child and learned that my teachers and my parents liked it when I was top of the class and through school and studies was usually one of the top two.
As part of my depression, I've found myself losing interest in three things in particular - image manipulation/Photoshop Elements, preparing photos for this year's competition, and rat showing. I realised that in all these things, especially the last, I never will be the best. (Breeders normally keep the best of their litters to show themselves, or sell them to other breeders so that their genes are passed on, and non-breeders come last in the line.) I can't always be 'the best.' As a Christian, I believe that God has a plan for me - to be the best 'ME' He intends, and I'm reminded of the words by the former Salvation Army General John Gowans, "In this quiet moment, make a better me."