So I have begun to lose muscle use in my legs. Originally I visited my GP for a painful mass in my pelvis, she believed it to be a hernia, but wanted me to see my OBGYN first. They did a Pap smear, urinalysis, ultra sound, and Pelvic CT scan with contrast and dye! It was confirmed yesterday it was a Inguinal Swollen Lymph node, both in fact, but left side being the worse. Scheduled me for a biopsy consult next Monday. Today I checked in with a GP for blood work. Upon check she wanted to do a physical and feel as many lymph nodes that I felt comfortable. Left lymph node in upper arm pit swollen to the size of a quarter. She gave me a sad face. Told she was generally concerned about my weight loss and wanted full blood panel. I went to work for a little while. I manage a coffee shop. I just stopped in, check my delivery invoice. Chatted with a couple of customers, I’m not feeling great today, last two days especially, my throats been sore. No fever, chalked it up to pollen. I left and went home to take a nap. I woke up and tried to get out of bed. And my body hurts, but my legs most of all are so sore and numb, aches horribly, and it feels like I ran a marathon. But it was actually a less than normal day. I chalk this up to I’m losing my mind and completely have begun to fixate on everything as somethings wrong. But then I begin to remind myself. I have rationalized that I’ve been saying “I’m fine for months” and it’s hardly even true.
Not fine, we’re all dying! But I’m grossly aware that I’m not OK! I’ve been living in my body for 30 years. I think it’s safe to say “something is fucking wrong!!!!”