I'm sabotaging myself.: I hit my one... - Weight Loss Support

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I'm sabotaging myself.

IamwhatIam517 profile image

I hit my one year anniversary for being on my weight loss journey on Thursday during which I've lost 7 stone and people are noticing and complimenting me a lot. However I seem to be hitting the self destruct button, I'm on day 3 of mindless binge eating.

I'm at the halfway point to my goal weight and I'm in that frustrating phase of my old clothes are baggy but all my other clothes are still to small or unflattering to wear. I've got lots of social events coming up and I'm back in that mindset of stuffing myself stupid for the whole week leading up to the social event. Considering I've got an eating event every weekend for the next 4 weeks this does not bode well for me.

I'm feeling kind low.

89 Replies
Tall1732 profile image
Tall1732Maintainer

I know exactly where your coming from. Ive been keeping the weight off apart from holidays and Christmas for the last year after my weight loss of 33kg at my heaviest. Up until 2 weeks ago like yourself was on a eating mission. I put on 7 kg over a 6/8 week period. Been back on the exercise and eating sensible and now only got 1.5 kg to lose. Just try and focus on what was working before and reset your mind. Not worry you can do it.

IamwhatIam517 profile image
IamwhatIam5176 stone in reply to Tall1732

Thank you for your support xx

Tall1732 profile image
Tall1732Maintainer in reply to IamwhatIam517

Ive had a another good week weight gone down by 1.5 kg. Only got 1.2 kg to hit my target weight of 85 kg.Fingers crossed a good push and will hit it by end of this month so

Hi IamwhatIam517 sorry to hear that you’re struggling. I wish I had the answer to share, unfortunately there is no logic to binge eating, not for me anyway. I am currently on my 6 th day binge free, which is the longest I’ve gone in a while. I can only take it a day at a time and not plan too far ahead. It’s my birthday soon, I know I will eat, drink and be ‘merry,’ but will struggle to get back on track afterwards. Unfortunately I am not too good at moderation, I tend to be ‘all or nothing’. I really hope you get back on the wagon soon and try to enjoy the summer ahead. 😊

IamwhatIam517 profile image
IamwhatIam5176 stone in reply to Pink4eva

Thank you, its nice to know I'm not alone. We're very similar

BJ2020 profile image
BJ20205st 7lbs in reply to Pink4eva

Same sometimes I'm wondering if we restrict ourselves too much and then it's our bodies way of revenge

HappyBeee profile image
HappyBeeeRestart Nov 2020 in reply to Pink4eva

Ah that sounds like me too!

Bronearth profile image
Bronearth2021 June

So good to here of your huge weight loss. You just have to hang in there. I have lost three stones, and i feel health wise so better for it. I am now never tempted to eat anything like sweets cakes ect. My BP is now lower., Get back on track. You can do it. Your body will thank you for it.. I wish you all the best.

IamwhatIam517 profile image
IamwhatIam5176 stone in reply to Bronearth

Thank you for your support

BJ2020 profile image
BJ20205st 7lbs in reply to Bronearth

What's your secret. I still need help with the sweet stuff and I've tried fruit as a replacement I tend to have it in larger quantities and still have the chocolate

Bronearth profile image
Bronearth2021 June in reply to BJ2020

HelloBJ2020 When i do have the urge to binge i only have healthy foods in the house. If i have salads i have a large one. Instead of bread i will have a wrap. Boring but true water before a meal always does help. If you cheat, the only person you do cheat is you. We are what we eat. That is why i was fat. The day when i saw myself in the mirror in the buff i new i had to change. So come on BJ2020 You can do it.Bronearth.

BJ2020 profile image
BJ20205st 7lbs in reply to Bronearth

Thank you. It's the last little hurdle to overcome. I'll get there though

Bronearth profile image
Bronearth2021 June in reply to BJ2020

Yes, i have a feeling you will x

Lytham profile image
LythamModerator

Awe hun ! I'm back off holiday today and getting straight back on track tomorrow, fancy joining me? :-) x

IamwhatIam517 profile image
IamwhatIam5176 stone in reply to Lytham

I hope you've have a lovely holiday. Yes let's do it. I think I need my badge to be changed to a restart June 2021.

Lytham profile image
LythamModerator in reply to IamwhatIam517

YAYYY ! Together we can do anything ! :-)

It sounds to me like you should be looking for a 7st badge? :-) x

IamwhatIam517 profile image
IamwhatIam5176 stone in reply to Lytham

We can do it!! I think the recognition of people in person and online is messing with my head a bit. Short term I think I need the restart badge until I can get my head straight

springersrule profile image
springersruleModerator in reply to IamwhatIam517

Oh i know exactly what you mean Iamwhatiam. The psychological struggles that come with the compliments and recognition is very real. It does pass though, i struggled for a couple of months when my head got in a spin. Then one day, out of the blue, i felt it was all ok. Having my badge did help me to keep the damage limited though. I record all my weigh-ins in a notebook too just so i can look and smile at it. I think it helped to believe what's been achieved 😊 xx

IamwhatIam517 profile image
IamwhatIam5176 stone in reply to springersrule

Thank you. Its weird when compliments and recognition of our hard work can be a spanner in the works isn't it?

springersrule profile image
springersruleModerator in reply to IamwhatIam517

Oh it is, and it doesn't make sense. I got in a similar spin over losing consistently every week too!! I know, stupid right, but my head (at the time) was telling me that weight loss doesn't work like that so i must be ill!! I struggled to accept it was just normal for me!

There's nowt as queer as folk as they say 😁 xx

IamwhatIam517 profile image
IamwhatIam5176 stone in reply to springersrule

Oh I've been there my friend. Years ago. But that time it eas my weight watchers leader saying I was losing too quickly and that I must get myself to the doctor. Even when I went and they said I was fine she kept insisting something was wrong. Its taken me nearly 10 years to overcome the mental damage she did

springersrule profile image
springersruleModerator in reply to IamwhatIam517

Oh i can believe it. I've certainly learned a lot being here on this forum. Its also good to know others have had the same issues. Its always better when you know you're not alone 💖 xx

HappyBeee profile image
HappyBeeeRestart Nov 2020 in reply to IamwhatIam517

I so relate to this!!

Lytham profile image
LythamModerator in reply to IamwhatIam517

Wear your badge with pride chick, you deserve it ! Shall we make a pact to come on here every day with an update to keep us in the zone? :-) x

IamwhatIam517 profile image
IamwhatIam5176 stone in reply to Lytham

For the next week I'll do that. A daily log 😁

Lytham profile image
LythamModerator in reply to IamwhatIam517

Smashing, see you here tomorrow ! No snacking tonight! :-) x

IamwhatIam517 profile image
IamwhatIam5176 stone in reply to Lytham

Oh no I'm done. I feel so sick

Lytham profile image
LythamModerator in reply to IamwhatIam517

You'll feel loads better when you're back on track tomorrow :-) x

Lytham profile image
LythamModerator in reply to IamwhatIam517

Morning Chick, are you ready for a binge free day? :-) x

IamwhatIam517 profile image
IamwhatIam5176 stone in reply to Lytham

Woke up with a bad mind set but have had my breakfast and doing ok so far. Trying to find something to do so I'm not sat here thinking about it all day.

Lytham profile image
LythamModerator in reply to IamwhatIam517

Well done for fighting that mindset, stay strong hun !

I've stripped the bed it's all on the line, done my HIIT walking routine and made a Frittata :-) x

Frittata
IamwhatIam517 profile image
IamwhatIam5176 stone in reply to Lytham

Well its evening and I've managed to stay on track today. Hoping to keep myself on the track till bedtime. Tomorrow will be easier

Lytham profile image
LythamModerator in reply to IamwhatIam517

Yayyy ! You've cracked today now, tomorrow will be a walk in the park! :-) x

Lytham profile image
LythamModerator in reply to Lytham

Hi hun, how's it going today? :-) x

IamwhatIam517 profile image
IamwhatIam5176 stone in reply to Lytham

I nearly talked myself into binging again but then managed to talk myself back out of it. I've had my tea, stuck to plan and hoping it stays that way. Made a pasta bake for 2 evening meals this week which makes me happy. I dislike having to come in and make my tea.

Gio321 profile image
Gio3212kg in reply to IamwhatIam517

Good stuff! Keep going!

IamwhatIam517 profile image
IamwhatIam5176 stone in reply to Gio321

Thank you

Lytham profile image
LythamModerator in reply to IamwhatIam517

Awe well done for talking yourself out of it, you're getting there hun ! Another day on plan, MASSIVE congratulations! :-) x

IamwhatIam517 profile image
IamwhatIam5176 stone in reply to Lytham

Many thanks 😊

Lytham profile image
LythamModerator in reply to IamwhatIam517

Are you ready for another good day today? :-) x

IamwhatIam517 profile image
IamwhatIam5176 stone in reply to Lytham

I woke up in a better mindset. Managed ok today. Tomorrow will be hard though because I'm meeting some friends for tea. Trying to plan ahead and gonna try to go for the healthy option. Worried the chips will prove too tempting.

Lytham profile image
LythamModerator in reply to IamwhatIam517

Oh well done, pleased to hear you've had a good day today !

Just remember one potato equates to 19 teaspoons of sugar! :-) x

IamwhatIam517 profile image
IamwhatIam5176 stone in reply to Lytham

Mad isn't it? Aiming to go for one of the under 600 calories meals. The sooner they get calories on all menus the better. Hate having to guess how many I'm eating.

Lytham profile image
LythamModerator in reply to IamwhatIam517

I was away last week and I noticed the chain pubs had calories on their menus, even a naked steak !

See you at Wobblers tomorrow :-) x

IamwhatIam517 profile image
IamwhatIam5176 stone in reply to Lytham

Eee I've been out all day, only just got to my phone. The thread has been closed now. Will log my stats next week

Lytham profile image
LythamModerator in reply to IamwhatIam517

Ooh you'll have twice the loss to report! :-) x

IamwhatIam517 profile image
IamwhatIam5176 stone in reply to Lytham

Hopefully. Will be happy with a STS next Wednesday

Lytham profile image
LythamModerator in reply to IamwhatIam517

Are you still on track? :-) x

IamwhatIam517 profile image
IamwhatIam5176 stone in reply to Lytham

Last night was a nice meal out where I did go over my DA. Today has been ok. Tomorrow will be bad because I’m going out. If I can just keep getting back to normal after social occasions I hope to achieve that STS

Lytham profile image
LythamModerator in reply to IamwhatIam517

Hopefully if you make some good choices while you're out then a bit a damage limitation the other days, you should be fine :-) x

IamwhatIam517 profile image
IamwhatIam5176 stone in reply to Lytham

I’m feeling a weird mix of elation and misery. I went on a school trip to a theme park yesterday and was so unbelievably happy that I was able to fit into 3 rides. I love thrill rides and have not been able to enjoy them for 10 years due to being too big. I had a wonderful day. I didn’t make good choices food wise sadly and went out last night for a friends birthday. I was meant to draw my line today and start afresh but being a little worse for wear has meant another day of eating. I’m planning to start afresh tomorrow, but sat here chewing that I won’t be able to now I’ve reached one of my NSV goals. I feel like one of my huge motivators is now gone and it’s really scaring me.

Lytham profile image
LythamModerator in reply to IamwhatIam517

Ooh that's AWESOME, way to go girl, so pleased you had a smashing day !

Course you'll be able to get back on track, come up with another goal, you're amazing, you can do this ! I think you need to join siggie on today's chat to put in writing why you're so awesome! :-) x

Every moment you don’t give in to those voices is a win. I sometimes find going to bed early helps cos it stops me going haywire in the cupboard!!! :) I try and remind myself how proud of myself I will feel in the morning when I don’t overeat all evening :) x

IamwhatIam517 profile image
IamwhatIam5176 stone in reply to BrightBlueSky

I will definitely be in bed early lol just waiting for my washing to finish so I can hang it up. Thank you 😊

BridgeGirl profile image
BridgeGirlAdministrator

Hi, IamwhatIam517, sorry you're struggling with your feelings at your half way stage, and it's really good that you've come here and said it. Your weight loss is phenomenal. If you have a good plan that you enjoy, a short period off-track will be reversible.

About badges: Restart is for people who have been away from the forum for 6 months or so. I see you're an active member of the famous Wobblers and that's where you earned your badge. You'll also have seen there that members drop a badge and then regain it, which is what we're all aiming for. Your badge is recognition of what you've achieved, and what an achievement it is :)

IamwhatIam517 profile image
IamwhatIam5176 stone in reply to BridgeGirl

Thank you for the support and info about badges. I wasn't aware of that.

BridgeGirl profile image
BridgeGirlAdministrator in reply to IamwhatIam517

You're welcome :) You're a great team member, and a member of a great team :)

IamwhatIam517 profile image
IamwhatIam5176 stone in reply to BridgeGirl

🥰

Hi IamwhatIam517,

Sorry to read you’re struggling with feelings of self sabotage. I can relate. The feeling of a lack of control around eating is very frustrating. How is your self care at the moment? Are you stressed? Have you been sleeping well? Are you well hydrated? Sometimes hormones can cause an increase in appetite and cravings. You could do some food preparation for the next few days to get back on track. You have done so much hard work already so you know you are capable of breaking the cycle and getting back to a healthy balance. Keep going and best wishes!

Gio321

IamwhatIam517 profile image
IamwhatIam5176 stone in reply to Gio321

Thank you. Its more I have some things coming up that despite losing 7 stone I'm know I'm still too big to do (theme parks and high ropes) this knowledge is the reason for pushing the self destruct button.

Gio321 profile image
Gio3212kg in reply to IamwhatIam517

Seems like those thoughts of that are causing you stress. Do you have to go to the theme park? Will you be disappointed if you put it off for a while or avoid it?

IamwhatIam517 profile image
IamwhatIam5176 stone in reply to Gio321

I do for work to accompany children. I was hoping I'd be the right size to fit into the harness at this point but it has not happened sadly

Oh I'm sorry to hear what you're going through and I've been there many times. Just keep focusing on getting back on track each time and realising that we are all learning here and without it I know I would give up completely. That's the easy way out and not for us! You are stronger than you think and have come a long way x I must admit though that baggy clothes never make me feel good and I go to charity shops as I don't want to buy in-between clothes and keep imagining myself at my ideal weight 😊 have a great day

IamwhatIam517 profile image
IamwhatIam5176 stone in reply to Purplelady02

Thank you 😊

BJ2020 profile image
BJ20205st 7lbs

At least because you are aware you can stop it. Water is your friend try to go for that when you are thinking of eating something. Working on it myself. Well done on losing 7st in a year

IamwhatIam517 profile image
IamwhatIam5176 stone in reply to BJ2020

Thank you for the support

BJ2020 profile image
BJ20205st 7lbs in reply to IamwhatIam517

Good luck

gman1961 profile image
gman1961Restart April 2021

Hi IamwhatIam517,What would you say to me If I was in the same position?

You have done so well so you know you can do it having come so far.

I'm away till today and all I've done is eat cooked breakfasts every day and have a few drinks.

I feel shocking today when I look at myself .But I know I need to put it behind me and carry on.

Good luck ,

Gary

IamwhatIam517 profile image
IamwhatIam5176 stone in reply to gman1961

Thank you very much

SuzeeO profile image
SuzeeO in reply to gman1961

For what it's worth I think the advice you gave in the first paragraph was excellent (about what advice the post writer would give to you if roles reversed. I suffer with weight/food and self-sabotage and I'm going to take on board what you said. Though it wasn't aimed at me, thanks! All the best to you and IamwhatIam517 too

gman1961 profile image
gman1961Restart April 2021 in reply to SuzeeO

Thanks SuzeeO,Good luck with your effort,

Gary

Craftyperson profile image
Craftyperson1st 7lbs

First of all well done on all you've lost so far.Secondly you may be on a binge BUT you've done a good thing and come on here so doing something about it.

I think we've all been in that phase for one reason or another but you can pull it back and first thing is admitting it which you have.

How about sitting down and planning your meals for the week and just buying food for that, if junk not there can't eat it or if other people in house have a cupboard just for them. Try putting a pic of yourself at fattest on there and think I don't want to be that person anymore.

Good luck. You CAN do this

IamwhatIam517 profile image
IamwhatIam5176 stone in reply to Craftyperson

Thank you 😊

Craftyperson profile image
Craftyperson1st 7lbs in reply to IamwhatIam517

Ur welcome

Cynistra profile image
CynistraRestart June 2021

Hi there, just wanted to pick up on what you said regarding being at your half way point your clothes being either too baggy or too small... If you've lost 7 stone so far, then unless there's severe financial constraints I'd say you really deserve some new outfits by now!

I know it can be frustrating (and feel like wasting money) buying clothes you will hopefully shrink out of soon, but it can be a real morale booster. You'll be able to see and appreciate the results of all your weight loss efforts; you'll be able to notice any additional weight loss in another way than just the scales; and if you were to put on a bit of weight again (ouch) those nice new clothes will fit less well, and believe me that's a good motivator too!

TheTabbyCat profile image
TheTabbyCatAdministrator in reply to Cynistra

Hi Cynistra and welcome back to this amazing forum.Thank you for your support. As some things have changed since you were an active member I suggest you spend some time clicking about to find your way around. It's easier if you have a lap-top as there are several threads. If you’re using another device I strongly suggest that you use the web page as opposed to the app at least until you know your way around.

Here’s the link to the pinned posts,

healthunlocked.com/nhsweigh...

Here’s the link for the “Tour” of the forum. If you haven’t already taken it.

healthunlocked.com/?tour=true

I strongly suggest you read and contribute to the Daily Diary and participate in a Weekly Weigh in.

You will find there's loads of tips about better eating, from other members. Sharing your daily menu not only helps you stay committed, it can help other members too.

Good luck I hope to "see " you around. :)

IamwhatIam517 profile image
IamwhatIam5176 stone in reply to Cynistra

Thank you for your support. Sadly I do have financial constraints that prevent me from indulging in new clothes but I have a backlog of clothes in various sizes which to me class as "new clothes". They just don't fit right....yet.

Nuttyknit profile image
Nuttyknit2021 June

I am a terrible binge eater. No matter how hard i try i can't stop binging. I am my own worst enemy. Not even sitting on a garden chair that broke under me and having to crawl up the garden path made me change my ways. Not even a mini stroke and gout has made me change. I only have myself to blame. Which i do frequently.

moreless profile image
morelessAdministrator in reply to Nuttyknit

Hi and welcome Nuttyknit :)

Here are a couple of things to read about binge eating:

helpguide.org/articles/diet...

well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013...

All of the information you need about the forum can be found in Pinned Posts healthunlocked.com/weight-l... and we hope you'll be joining all the Events, Challenges and Clubs that we run, especially a weigh-in and the daily diary.

If you haven't already taken it, here's a tour of the forum healthunlocked.com/?tour=true

We've found active participation to be key to successful weight loss and, of course, it's a good way to get to know people, find inspiration and share support and encouragement.

Wishing you all the best :)

Nuttyknit profile image
Nuttyknit2021 June in reply to moreless

Thanks for sending me links to articles that i can read.

IamwhatIam517 profile image
IamwhatIam5176 stone in reply to Nuttyknit

I'm so sorry to hear of your troubles. Binge eating is so hard to live with.

You've done amazingly well, I'm sure you'll get back on track. I've been binging for most of this year after a 4 month no-binge streak leading up to Christmas. Frustrating to say the least.

IamwhatIam517 profile image
IamwhatIam5176 stone in reply to Greendream123

Extremely frustrating. Thank you for the support

HappyBeee profile image
HappyBeeeRestart Nov 2020

Hi IamwhatIam517 I just thought I would pop in and ask you how you are doing today? Is the compulsion to overeat still with you or are you feeling more steady now?

I can relate to so, so much of what you've said throughout this post.

I struggle with binge eating too, and I definitely find myself in a danger zone when I have reached a few goals but still feel far from the finish line, still feel unhappy in my shape or size.. especially if I get positive comments from people. What do you think are the triggering feelings?

I think it is an anxiety for me, that I still have so far to go and also that I have an audience. The road ahead seems too long and steep and I find myself ragefully self-sabotaging. That is one thing I have definitely experienced. However bingeing is something I feel compelled to do for myriad reasons, very often. A lot if it is connected to low self esteem I feel - an "I can't do it" or " I dont want to be looked at" feeling. Another layer of it is self soothing for depressive or anxious moments - particularly the latter. Now that Ive tuned into this, I see it so much clearer in the moment. I've noticed myself feeling frantic for something to eat right before a very stressful meeting or right after. Of course some of it is my body's attempt to gain weight back to reach my 'normal' weight - that is just the body attempting to maintain a stable homeostatic weight. Which could be part of it for you?

But I know for me it isn't the normal fluctuating cravings and splurges that people experience because my stopping point is so ludicrous, I eat way past enjoyment or comfort. And I am never really satisfied. I am restless and frantic. I do feel embarrassed about it, because I consider myself someone who is logical minded and forward thinking! And even more than that I feel really frustrated, because my own pathology has cost me my progress SO..MANY..TIMES.

Anyway, I am here now and trying. I would love to see how you manage your habits and feelings and overcome them, I will be learning alongside you!

Things I do that successfully distract me when I am antsy and feeling self-sabotagey:

- Make a detailed meal plan and shop for it

- Prep/cook a few batches which satisfies my need to engage with food on some level and makes me feel organised.

- Research some aspect of food for health, eg the impact of omega3 fats on longevity, or the role of gut microbiome on weight management, it makes me feel connected to my health and more motivated to make a good choice

- Imagine myself at my next milestone, really try to picture myself feeling good/looking good/fitting in something I want to wear etc.

- Have a bouillon soup with loads of chillies and pepper in it to distract me.

- Shower/ Bath / Facemask

- Organise a cupboard or shelf - so mind occupying!

Love to you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

IamwhatIam517 profile image
IamwhatIam5176 stone in reply to HappyBeee

Thank you for your support xx

Pink4eva profile image
Pink4eva in reply to HappyBeee

Hi HappyBeee,hope you don’t mind me butting in. I have just read your post and wanted to empathise. I have been binge eating for most of my adult life and am still struggling. I have been bingeing for the past 3 days, mostly on chocolate and ice cream. I am having a better day today, so far. For me, exercising helps to draw a line and make a fresh start. I am focusing on going to the gym tomorrow to complete W8 of C25K. I am thinking about carrying on with some knitting that I have abandoned over the past few months. Enjoy the rest of your day😊

HappyBeee profile image
HappyBeeeRestart Nov 2020 in reply to Pink4eva

Thanks for that Pink4eva it is a tricky terrain isnt it! I agree on the exercise ! Hope you're feeling a bit better / less compulsive?

Pink4eva profile image
Pink4eva in reply to HappyBeee

Hi HappyBeee, still struggling I’m afraid. It’s my birthday tomorrow, when I plan to overindulge. I have been rationalising with the thought ‘oh well may as well overeat today as planning to overeat tomorrow’. Trouble is I have been doing that every day for the last week. On the positive side, I did finish WK 8 of C25K yesterday, although it was a struggle. Hope to start afresh after my birthday. How are you getting on?

HappyBeee profile image
HappyBeeeRestart Nov 2020 in reply to Pink4eva

Well done on week 8 that is great! It will get easier, especially as you clean up ur eating im sure! I think starting fresh after your bday sounds like a good plan! It is so derailing to start and stop, so maybe ur right to wait. I am having a (rare) good day. I really need this to be the start of a good streak!! I always feel like if I can get 3 good weeks under my belt I can get myself in stride. Problem is i usually falter well before the 3 week mark. Social engagements are a big part of that, as is stress and my own lack of momentum. Do u feel similarly about getting a good streak going?

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