Hi all. Be warned there some covid19 talk and morbid thinking in this post sorry. I know its everywhere.
I freaked myself out last night by reading all the news reports about obesity and covid, how someone of my weight and BMI has a 50% greater chance of dying if I get the virus. This has really gotten into my head and I mentioned it to a few people at work. No one at work knows I'm losing weight and I want to keep it that way. One lady (she's lovely) mentioned about my fears and how I should use this warning as motivation. This has upset me and I can't put my finger on why. I haven't told a soul that I've lost weight (35lbs), I wear my usual baggy clothes so that no one will suspect, when people have asked I've avoided answering. For some reason this motivation talk has upset me. It may be the stark proof that despite a decent loss no one can see it in my face or clothes (which are getting lose). I've always had a bad relationship with being given advice and do the reverse of what people advise in a "stuff you" manner, I'm trying incredibly hard to stop doing this because when it comes to my weight I have to lose it for my health. Nasty little thoughts are now creeping in saying "you can't do this....you started too late and purely due to you being fat if you get covid its going to kill you....you've got another 10 stone to go you barely done anything so far".
So sorry for this very depressing I post. I needed to get it out of my head.