Help please!

[Tanya-T]

Hi I'm new to this whole thing but I'd really like some help and advice. I'm 19 years old, obese and suffering from depression. I've just broke up with my long term partner, he cheated on me several times which has made me suffer from emotional binge eating. I really want to lose ALOT of weight (7-8 stone) but I have no motivation whatsoever, I'm still so hurt over my relationship which is causing me to stay in bed all day and not care about my looks. Can anybody help me?

[moreless Administrator 7 stone]

Hi and welcome, Tanja

I'm so sorry that you've had such an awful time recently.

While we can give you pointers for weight loss, you may like to join these communities for emotional support

healthunlocked.com/anxietys...

healthunlocked.com/anxiety-...

healthunlocked.com/swedauk

I'd like to invite you to join our Newbie Club, which we hope will be a good place for you to connect with members, who are also just starting out. If you just post a few words to introduce yourself and respond to others there, you'll soon break the ice. Here's the link

healthunlocked.com/nhsweigh...

You'll find all the information you need to navigate the forum in the header, so please take the time to read it carefully.

Wishing you all the best

[Tanya-T in reply to moreless]

Thank you so much for your reply, I'll definitely look into it all 💖

[SandyH77 in reply to moreless]

Hi when My husband of 24 years left me I took my anger out on gardening and walking. If I cut prune it dig it up it got done. I used to think it was him when I was chopping away !

I put on weight a few years later but now losing again. Good luck

[Hidden]

I’m in no way an expert but I just wanted to say you have already taken the first step by asking for help. I’m truly sorry for how horribly you were treated by your ex. But by asking for help you are already thinking about yourself in a positive way. I’m hoping someone will be able to help you but please know you can always contact me if you ever need a friendly ear to talk. Wishing you all the best of luck x

[Tanya-T in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much 💖

[EllaMidlands]

Hi, welcome! I hope you find the strength and determination needed to get through this difficult time. You are worth it! Take small steps, getting out of bed for a bit, getting dressed, having a shower. Once you can do all this which might be easy, might not you can move on to the next step of fresh air, some walking. Are you working? Be kind to yourself, it's you can only do so much at once. Small steps will equal big changes. Keep posting and take care.🤞

[Tanya-T in reply to EllaMidlands]

Thank you so much for your reply, you have given me a fantastic way to start. I find it extremely hard to get out of bed and get dressed but I now will start with that. Thanks again 💖

[EllaMidlands in reply to Tanya-T]

You're more than welcome. Don't look at the big picture. When you are ready to start the weight loss you'll know as you will be up, dresses and ready to go shopping!! Good luck and pm me anytime!

[xvanillaskyx in reply to Tanya-T]

Also perhaps put on a bit of lippy & paint your nails! Spoil yourself a little bit with a couple of things like this. I'm sure you are a beautiful person, you deserve to be treated like one and there is no better person than yourself who can do this for you 😊 Welcome & good luck, everyone here will support you on your journey and every day is a new day! X

[lucigret in reply to EllaMidlands]

What a really lovey and sensible reply EllaMidlands , when depression takes hold the tinniest steps are so hard.

Hello Tanya-T , you have had some lovely advice from a lot of people already. I'm just going to say that counselling really helped me when I had a breakdown and suffered with depression some years ago, my reason was very different to yours, but I would fully recommend you talk to your GP and see if they could arrange some for you.

As you can see already you will gets lots of support from this forum, I wish you lots of success for the future

[RG07 Maintainer]

when you are ready to focus on loosing weight rather than focus on how much you have to loose set your set mini weight loss goals- say 1/2stone in 2 months it will take you time but slow and steady is the best way to go also its makes it more manageable for you to deal with loosing weight especially when you are also dealing with a lot of personal issues. Have you spoken to your Gp about what you are going through? They may start you on medication or if you are not keen on taking meds have counselling instead or in conjunction with meds. Good luck

[Tanya-T in reply to RG07]

Thank you for your reply

[Hidden]

Hello tanja,

The best thing ever in life is that family, and Friends are there to support you and everyone on here, you are going to get there and succeed sorry for the long love your had. Please just forgive and forget about him.

Christmas is coming soon just think of the more presents you will get without the help from a man who gave you grief. Losing a lot of weight will be hard but with the best help from this website and everyone on it ....good luck.

Becky

[Honey10 1lb]

So sorry to hear your having a rotten time. Depression is very hard to handle, as someone was mentally ill for along time before I got help. I hope you can reach out for support from professionals too. Mental health team and crisis team can offer support, CBT or medication could be a source of help. It's great you have the strength to talk and recognise your illness. There is support out there please reach out. Your in my thoughts, take care x

[Hidden]

O you're in a tough place aren't you! Sometimes life can beat ya up a bit.. but we can rely on the fact that all will pass. Every phase moves on and things shift and evolve. You won't be stuck here forever if you don't choose to be. A phrase I love is "don't let how long it will take to reach a goal put you off, that time will pass anyway." It reminds you that if 7 stone takes 2 years to lose for you that shouldn't be outputting because that 2 years will pass regardless of how you use the time!

You are brave to come forward and i know it's hard when all you want to do is stay safely under blankets watching tv and opting out of life. But your future could be "so bright it burns your eyes" in my pal oprah's eloquent words.

My advice is to start small. For e.g. make a 5 day plan not to eat trash. Just good wholesome food. You can build on that every week.

Take baby steps and stay here on the forum. If you notice, you'll see it said quite often that this forum is sometimes the difference in giving up and not. It has been for me.

I'm going to look out for you on the forum! You can do this. Join us on the daily diary and plan your food. You don't have to have a calorie limit to begin with if that's overwhelming now. You could just plan wholesome food and get ideas about what people are eating.

Hope I'll see you around often

[xvanillaskyx in reply to Hidden]

Fantastic phrase and one I will try to remember, thank you for sharing it HappyBeee 👌

[Hidden in reply to xvanillaskyx]

yes I lie that phrase too it brill. I lost 15 stone over a ten year period at one time, just slowly often losinsg 1 pound a month but I was always losing and not putting back on and it felt great the whole time even though it was a long time.

[xvanillaskyx in reply to Hidden]

That's amazing, well done you 👍🙏🙌

[Tanya-T]

Oh my the support from you all is so overwhelming, thank each and every one of you so much, I'll definitely keep in touch 💖

[Hidden]

Dear Tanja,

I am wondering if this maybe undiagnosed thyroid issues. A lot of people end up untreated for thyroid issues and the current blood test use by GPs (called tsh) is much in question.A thyroid issue can cause weight gain,deppression, chronic tiredness and all sorts of other health issues. It does also sound like there may be some triggers for deppression as well. I dont know what the others have suggested but I think a visit to your GP is in order ask for him to take your thyroid blood tests or for copies of when they were last done and talk to him about your depression.

Also if you feel able look at overeaters anonymous and see if there is a group in your area. They have a much higher success rate for long term weight loss than any of the diet clubs and you will learn how to develop self esteem.

You also need to be angry with this boy freind not with yourself. You are I am sure a beautiful, intelligent person. You are also a woman and women should be treated with respect not messed about with. This man will get nowhere in life until he learns how to behave in relationships. One day someone will really value you but before that happens you will need to begin to value yourself a bit more and to have higher standards of how you expect to be treated. I think you need to make this your main goal.

Also set some little goals for each day. When I was a very depressed teenager mine were to clean my teeth at least once a day and to drink a pint of water and to communicate with one other person.

Weight loss will come in time but please dont try to diet at this point as I dont think you are well enough to cope with the ups and downs of dieting. Overeaters anon would be better as lots of emotional support available or calorie counting with a goal of maintenence or very slow weight loss of 1 or 2 pounds a month. Also try to remmber that hating yourself for being overweight wont make you any thinner or bring this lad about town boyfreind back but loving yourself for who you are could well do both, just tell the boy freind he is not up to your standard if he does come crawling back.

Also there is a book by Dawn French called 'Dear Fatty'. It is a lovely book written by a confident person, who knows she is sexy who has always had a bit of an issue with weight. Her father gives her some great advise before she goes to a party as a teenager and it would do you good to hear his words.

[Tanya-T in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much, I'm definitely going to take on board what you have said 💖

[Needtodosomething]

Hi Tanya-T

So sorry to hear you're dealing with such a lot at the moment, daily life must be such a struggle for you.

My advice would be to be kind to yourself. Give yourself even one goal a day, such as you won't stay in bed after a certain time (even if you don't know what to do when you get up), then bit by bit, add more things as time goes on.

I would make a list of necessary things you want/need to do in the day, starting with getting up, then be proud that you did get out of bed.

It's not easy to beat depression when you're so overwhelmed, but with lots of support, and being kind to yourself, you'll get through this.

Wishing you well and sending you a big hug. x

[Tanya-T]

Aw thank you so much, will definitely try this 💖

[blackbeauty99]

Hi Tanya-T and welcome

I am so sorry that you are going through a tough time at the moment. I can relate to your post as i broke up with my long term partner a few months ago. I would just take small steps at the moment like people have suggested. It will be hard but the more you do it, the easier it will become. I also suffer with depression and also have days where i just want to stay in bed, but i make myself get up.

You have made the first biggest step by joining this fantastic forum, well done!!!

We are all here for you and will advise and support you, this is such a friendly place.

Best of luck and keep posting

[Rhiannon13]

Hello Tanya -T, I felt sad when I read your post. You've been through the mill and I am not surprised that you are feeling low. I'm a comfort eater too and have binged in the past. My advice would be to forget about the 7/8 stones for now. The first thing is to sort out the depression because if you feel depressed you are going to want to keep bingeing, which will sabotage your weight loss. Please see your GP and tell him/her how you are feeling if you haven't done so already. Regarding the weight loss, set small goals, such as starting with 7lbs, and try and set one small daily goal, like walking for 10mins, having a bubble bath, a new hairdo, having a 10min nap, chatting to a friend etc. You will start to feel better, just take it slow and steady. The aim is to nurture yourself and to reduce your need to binge. We are here for you, there are some lovely people here, you've already made the first leap by introducing yourself here and saying what you want. You are amongst friends, welcome🌈😀☀️

[Hidden]

Hi Tanya, Love hurts but you will learn to get over this heartache. Why not prove to yourself that you don't need him and get up out of bed and stretch. Have a lovely shower or bath with bubbles. Put on your top and jeans, have a boiled egg with soldiers and then have an other stretch. Now you are moving go to the garden gate and take in some deep breaths. The world is going on and you have to join it. (He has moved on so must you. Be positive

[Wadestreet]

Welcome. And kick your boyfriend thoughts to the curb. He does not deserve all that attention from you. Get yourself out of bed a go for a walk and start moving. I am finally up to 30 minutes and I started with 10 minutes. And make simple meals that are healthy and it does not have to gourmet. Once you are feeling better dabble into higher up meals. It is not going to happen over night. That was the hardest thing for me to learn. Take one day at a time and be good to yourself!!!

[Tanya-T]

Hi everybody, thank you all for your kind words, here’s a little update I started calorie counting which I found really helpful, I stuck to it well only eating (1,750 calories) until... I tried figuring things out with my baby’s father. He wants to get back together and for me to come visit him which has caused me a lot of anxiety again which then caused me to binge. I would consider going back to him however, I want to focus on my weight loss first. I’m afraid to see him as I’ve gotten bigger since the last time we saw each other and I feel the reason he cheated in the first place is because I got so big and let myself go...

On another note, I still find it extremely hard to get up and get dressed and I still have no motivation to do so. Any other suggestions? Thanks x

[Hidden in reply to Tanya-T]

You are better than a cheater. You don't deserve that. Glad you are doing well.

[Tanya-T]

Hi everyone, sorry I haven’t kept in touch, been very busy lately with depression! Again...

A little update, I am back with my partner and things were going great that’s until I got depressed again. I’m finding it extremely hard to even get out of bed. I literally stink and couldn’t bring myself to even bath until today and that’s only because I don’t think it’s fair on my partner to have to smell me lol. He doesn’t understand what I am going through as he thinks it’s just being lazy and some of it is but I can’t bare going outside and he just doesn’t understand that. It is so upsetting for the both of us because I feel like he is pressuring me to go outside and it’s upsetting for him because he doesn’t want to be locked away inside our bedroom 24 hours a day.. I cannot focus on anything at the minute and just dying for God to please give me strength. I am really struggling so please could you all keep me in your prayers 💖