Just need to share what I'm feeling right now

Just need to let off steam.

I took early retirement at end of Dec 2013 looking forward to enjoying my retirement, catching up with friends and all the household chores that got left behind when I was working and planning holidays. In Jan 2014 my husband was told he had to have major op for aortic aneurysm which took place in March 2014. I had not been feeling well myself, always out of breath and feeling tired but still looked after him for the next few months after he was recovering from his op. After several blood tests I was told I had hyperthyroidism and given an appointment to see endo in Sept 2014 but had to postpone the appointment because by then I was suffering with shingles.

Eventually I saw the endo and was put on beta-blockers and carbimazole and by Christmas was starting to feel better.

Inbetween all this in November 2014 my husband was knocked down by a car reversing into a car park and he suffered a head injury with a bleed on the brain but has now fully recovered and all is well. I then had radioactive iodine treatment in March 2015, no major side effects apart from a dry throat so all was looking good. Thinking all hurdles have been covered I can now start to enjoy my retirement and looking forward to the summer, my husband is well and I feel fine.

Then one day in early July I felt that the bone in my bra has been irritating me and as I get in the bath I felt the sore bit at the side of my breast and discovered a hard lump. To cut it short, after several hospital appointments I have breast cancer and start Chemo next Monday.

At the time of writing this 1.30 in the morning my husband is sound asleep in bed and I am waiting up for one of my 2 cats to come home. You may ask ‘why don’t you get a cat flap fitted’, the answer is that I have tried three different companies who said they will do it but have let me down and never got back to me.

So now I have 4 Months of chemo then surgery and then radiotherapy which will take me up to April/May next year and have had to cancel my next holiday which was booked for Oct 2015.

Good news is I just heard a scratching at the kitchen door and my Tabby cat is home safe and sound so I’m off to bed.

Goodnight and thanks for listening to me ranting on!

38 Replies

  • Sunflower, you certainly deserve that rant. I'd say you had a streak of bad luck but I think it is more you were subjected to a lot of stress which ruins your immune system. There are lots of methods for releasing stored stress but generally people don't know about them or how important it is. Iodine and iodide are important for thyroid and breasts and wonder if that deficiency has been involved in both of your problems. Again, doctors are not looking at deficiencies or toxic load but are happy to help us after we have spiraled down to a disease. As they say, it is better to repair the roof before it rains and prevention is necessary since we have so many unhealthy aspects to modern life. Here is an alternative thought about cancer.

  • Heloise,

    Thank you for your reply and agree with your comments. I have watched the you- tube link you sent and it is really scary about all the chemicals that are inflicted on us and we are unaware.

    I will look further into the lack iodine as I don't know much about it.

    Thanks again,


  • My word you have had more than you fair share of difficulties - and that is putting it mildly. You have a wonderful sense of balance in your writing and I am sure you are carrying this into your daily life too - when possible.

    Carole Baggerly is a breast cancer survivor and has a website with excellent videos and articles. It is mostly about VitD as she found she was low as it can be with many cancer sufferers. As we know it is more than a vitamin - a steroidal pre-hormone - that is required in every cell of the body. Once in the cell it communicates with the DNA I have read ! I have the Newsletters to keep up to speed with what is going on with VitD.


    I am sure you have been given loads and loads of advice but I have recently seen some - there are many - of the Ty Bollinger Videos about Cancer. Maybe worth a view :-) I have two friends battling cancer - one is going with the mainstream treatment - one is doing it holistically without treatment but still under the Marsden.

    So glad Tabby Cat returned in time for you to have a cuddle before sleep :-) Animals are great healers - I know my Greek dog was sent to me for a purpose when we moved here in 2004 !

    Wishing you the strength to fight and be well.....


  • Marz,

    Thank you for your kind words.

    I think you are right about the Vit D. When I was tested last year it was very low, out of range and don't know how long it had been like that because I can't ever remember having it tested before, its now in range but only just. When I questioned the endo about it he told me not to worry about it as half the population are deficient so I then bought supplements for myself and spent two weeks in Lanzerote which helped.

    I have learned quite a lot in the last year from this community and still learning.

    I will check out the leads you have sent me.

    Thanks again


  • I lost my husband and my cats died and i now have Hashimotos Disease and Autoimmune Gastritis and on and on. And..the regular doc's have failed to give me any relief with all their drugs and in fact, the drugs have damaged me further.

    I have just been to an Integrative Med. doc and they believe that since the majority of the immune system is in the Gut, that the problem is here. The call it Leaky Gut. They believe all autoimmune disease is caused by leaky gut, including Cancer. Please leaky gut, maybe check out Mark Hymans website on Function Medicine. I would consider seeking alternative care, as part of your healing.. i am.

  • The first part is really true, no kidding!! I didn't want you to think i was some nasty SOB. You must be in the US? I am.

  • faith63

    So sorry to hear about the loss of your husband and cats while coping with your own health problems.

    Have you thought about getting another cat, may do you more good than many of the drugs.

    Take care and hope you soon feel better.


    PS I am in UK

  • Oh my goodness you have been through a lot!!! The cat situation I understand as I can't settle til my cat is in.... I haven't any words that can say that I think you're coping well from the sound of it and I hope you can re schedule your holiday to have something to look forward to when your treatment finishes. BIG HUGS and all the very best .. X

  • Thanks deb25426,

    That is exactly what I've done. Moved the holiday from Oct 2015 to Oct 2016 and hoping l might be well enough to do a last min. deal in May/June next year so fingers crossed.

    My 7 year old tabby cat likes to be outside in the dark and sleeps through the day. Bought him a new catnip toy this afternoon, woke him up but he only played with it for about 10 mins and then went back to sleep My other cat a 6 year old is the other way, she likes to be up and about in daylight and stays indoors when its dark. One wakes me up early in the morning and the other keeps me up late at night so can't win! I really must have another go at trying to get a cat flap fitted.

    Thanks for the BIG HUGS its very much appreciated.


  • Hi Sunflower, just to say i can really empathise with your situation and wish you well with your cancer treatment. My situation is nowhere near as serious but there are parallels. I was about to retire and start travelling but my partner had an injury last year which took nearly a year to sort out. I was diagnosed with breast cancer in June and am now awaiting my results to see what further treatment I need. Putting life on hold with no clear end in sight I find depressing and frustrating. You sound as though you have great spirit. Please keep us in touch. LB

  • Hi lisabax,

    I think you have explained it so well about putting your life on hold with no clear end in sight. I am trying to convince myself that one year from now the treatment will all be over and life will be back to normal so bring on summer 2016!

    I have been inspired by a quote which says something like

    "Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass but learning to dance in the rain"

    So get out your dancing shoes and we will both get through this.

    Best wishes and be sure to keep in touch.


  • Thank you for your lovely words Sunflower. I will certainly keep in touch. You too! LB

  • You your one after another tragedies overwhelmed me and I am so glad that tabby cat returned home. I prayed for you. I send you hugs and wishes for true peace and speedy recovery. Blessings to you.

  • win_4ever

    Thank you so much for your kind words and hugs. It helps to know there are so many caring people.


  • I'm so sorry about your diagnosis. I totally empathise on the overwhelming nature of the one after the other medical problems. My family and I have been going through this with ourselves and also our pets. It's so frustrating! All you want is no medical appointments, no operations, freedom and peace... Feels impossible.

  • Mabes,

    Yes it is frustrating and overwhelming and not looking forward to travelling backwards and forwards to the hospital during the winter months in rush hour traffic. Will just have to take each day as it comes and make the best of the good ones. I find breaking it down into manageable chunks is better than trying to look at the long haul as that is overwhelming.

    Sending you my best wishes to you and your family.


  • You've had a hard time. I hope things turn around for you. Xxx

  • MrsRaven,

    Thank you for your kind words.


  • I have also read that people with lots of iodine dont get breast cancer. Life sounds really tough for you right now. Be kind to yourself. In bristol also we have some thing called ' Care and repair' they supervise building work for older or disabled people and also do a handyman service Most citys have a similar service. Anyway they fitted my cat flap and assemble furniture, mend doors for me and stuff. Might be worth seeing if there is some thing local to you who could fit cat flap. Try asking your local council.

  • Mandyjane,

    Thanks that sounds like a brilliant scheme and would be a big help so will check it out. I have done most of the home decorating and gardening as my husband is not a DIY man but a GSI man (Get Someone In) but GSI can be expensive when there are only small jobs to do and most tradesmen only want the big jobs. Its easy to find someone if you need a new window fitted but hard work finding one who will do a repair instead of a replacement.

    I will have to find out more about iodine but it might be a case "closing the door after the horse has bolted" for me.


  • Hi sunflower and lisabax,

    Just to let you both know I had breast cancer 21 years ago at the age of 39.

    I had a mastectomy, chemo and radiotherapy.

    Hope it gives you both some reassurance for you to get well..

    My very best wishes to you both.


  • browny,

    That's exactly what I need to hear and it is reassuring.

    Thank you,


  • I hope you find a rainbow at the end of all this. Good luck sunshine x x

  • That's a lovely thought. I quoted in an earlier reply to lisabax that life is not about waiting for the storm to pass but to learn to dance in the rain and I will be looking out for the rainbow at the end of the storm! Let the stormy clouds chase!!!

    Thank you so much mado,


  • You say it much better than me. I will remember this quote as you said it sunflower. Will be sending you good vibes x

  • You poor soul! You and your husband have really been through the mill. Time for the universe to give you a rest! A rant most well deserved.

    Glad Tabby came back safe. What a shame people have let you down about the cat flap. I had that with gardeners (not fit enough to do it myself - it's a jungle out there!). It's not a big job - do you maybe have a neighbour you could ask to do it as a favour and give him/her something nice as a thankyou after? My then neighbour's boyfriend put in my last dogflap. I got him a bottle of a good single malt as a thankyou. And all the materials of course (not that there's much required, apart from the flap).

  • humphrey, what else do you need doing? I think single malt is a wonderful thank you gift. A very good idea as well.

  • humphrey

    Thanks for your advise.

    I think the problem about the cat flap is because it is a PVC door with a raised moulded pattern on the bottom half and needs the full inner panel replaced with a flat one so its more of a specialised job than it would be on a wooden door. The tradesmen I have contacted would rather fit a brand new door than replace the inner panel as its easier for them but costly for me


    The bottle of single malt is a great idea but would have to hide it from my husband. Its his favourite tipple and he'd soon have the top off!!!

    Sounds like you have some good neighbours and we have too but can't think of anyone who could do the job. I might just have to have the full door replaced.

    Thanks again,


  • Oh dear. I see your problem.

    Do you have a glass door, perhaps you could carve into? For a cat door, glass is actually maybe easier to fit something into than plastic.

    Could you ask the makers of the plastic door how customers are supposed to insert petflaps into their products? You cannot be the only person who has ever wanted to do this.

    At least The Door Hunt may take your mind off more serious worries :-)

  • Thanks Humphrey,

    I do have glass patio doors but when I asked the same question " can I put a cat flap in one of those" was told it was a double glazed sealed unit so no, not possible. I am now thinking of knocking through the low brick wall in conservatory and contacting builders instead of window/door tradesmen.

    And yes, it does take my mind of other serious worries.

    I understand what you are talking about when you mention your garden. A few years ago I had so much pride in keeping a manicured weed free lawn and flower beds full of colour and now find it such a chore to keep up to that my garden is far from its best.

    Thanks again and wish you well,


  • Dear Sunflower,

    All my sympathies to you! I wish total healing for you and your husband. I hope you can take some solace in knowing that we all understand about dealing with chronic illnesses. You are not alone.

  • Thank you Klagh,

    The support from this site is amazing.


  • Oh Sunflower, that is so much to bear, I really hope that from now on things will start to get better for you both. One of my friends had breast cancer, she is a deaf lady, and was terrified in the hospital. It is now 20 years since she was diagnosed and treated, and she's doing fine. Do hope you will be fine too. Lots of positive vibes coming your way. MariLiz

  • Thank you MariLiz,

    The response from my rant has been amazing. There have been so many kind words of support from everyone which is very encouraging. Last night I was feeling alone and sorry for myself and just needed to let off steam. Feeling much better today. Its good to hear of people like your friend who have been through the trauma and beaten it.

    Wishing you and your friend well,


  • Hi Sunflower, So sorry to read of all your problems. It's a bit like grapes really, you never get just one, it's always a bunch. I hope all goes well for you and your husband, glad your cat came home safe. Sending prayers.

  • Thank you seniorita,

    Feeling better today and hoping the little monkey dosen't keep me up so late tonight.


  • Good to know. Hope you carry on feeling better. Those little furry bodies give us so much comfort. I rarely sleep well, and often doze in my recliner chair and always wake up to find at least one of my cats curled up and purring on me. Funnily enough, my tabby cat was a feral cat, but is the most loving chap, and the happiest cat that's ever lived with me.

    Stay strong.


  • Hi Sunflower,

    Am so so sorry to hear of your diagnosis and all you have been through -you have every right to rant! rant away!

    I was diagnosed with breast cancer myself last November and have endured the full range of treatment that is available for breast cancer -and though it was a large lump that I found which had crept into my lymph nodes and was very aggressive it has now gone - i had surgery after chemo and they found no evidence of it in my pathology report after my op.

    I am absolutely certain that in my case it is not connected to a poor immune system -mine is over active not the other way round nor is it connected to low levels of vitamin D as mine are high as have supplemented for a number of years. I eat healthily, have never smoked and am relatively active. I have always been healthy apart from developing hypothyroidism 10 years ago.

    Am sure healthy eating and keeping to organic does help to keep you strong and therefore to fight disease -whether it prevents breast cancer is another matter. There is no current evidence to demonstrate that food is the cause/cure to cancer. Certainly there is some evidence to show that turmeric can be beneficial.

    I'm afraid I do take offense to his comment about a cancer ward smelling funny!! I have been admitted several times during treatment to cancer wards- they smell the same as any other hospital -in fact they are far cleaner and fresher wards with very good air circulation as they have to be due to low immune systems caused by chemo and treatments.

    If this man really knows the answer to preventing cancer truly he should patent it and sell it so that cancer can be wiped out!!! I remember years and years ago there was this thing about raw carrots and all over the UK people were juicing veg and carrots and drinking gallons of the stuff -my father did the same -it did not stop his cancer but am sure it helped him to fight it as well as he could. All I know is that i am very grateful for the treatment I have received as without it I would not be here now -simple! Time to enjoy life and have fun :) :)

    Take heart Sunflower -there is hope and you can beat this cancer. Be kind to yourself. Your're welcome to pm if you would like. Big hugs xxx

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