So, I'm in the middle of my 14th week today! I feel absolutely amazing but I'm not going to lie, it's been one of the hardest things I've ever had to do but also one of the biggest accomplishments I've ever achieved!
I picked up my first cig at 15yrs old and been at it for a little over 16 years at a pack a day sometimes more if I was being social, until June 17th 2017 when I unintentially quit cold turkey. Yup that's right! I didn't plan it I just "winged it"! Hubby and I were so sick with one of the worst flus I had experienced... normally I would smoke right through the flu and always made sure I visited the doc. This time however, I had to ride it out because the docs office was shut for the weekend. The result was me literally passed out for 2 days straight. When I came to I realised, wow I've never in my smoking life ever been able to go a single day without a cig because I was not strong enough to get through the withdrawal symptoms and mental battle at the same time!
Anyways, days 5-9 was the absolute worst! That's when I realised I felt better from the flu and actually wanted that smoke. I was on a horrible emotional rollercoaster and tried to convince myself I didn't have any time to make such an "irrational" decision to quit. I felt like everything was slo mo and every thought either started or ended with an image of smoking. Somehow I pushed through.
I switched my addiction to tea, I found sipping on hot drinks really helped keep me calm and busy. I went all out on calming herbal teas which made a huge difference! Valerian tea from the health shop and loose chamomile flowers sometimes brewed in a teapot with filter. The stronger the better It actually really worked more than I could have ever imagined.
The smoking me could never imagine life without it. I would literally have internal panick attacks just at the thought of one day having to quit. I'm finally at that point where I feel free and time is moving at a normal pace. I've learned a whole new side to myself which wasn't easy in the beginning as it's normal to feel like you've lost yourself. I think as a smoker we identify ourselves as that person and get depressed when we let go of that person then have to find a new way to live. I'm happy to say I feel more like me again.
* For us, one hit will always be too many, while thousands won't be enough. As a smoker we are constantly going through mini withdrawals! I realise that today as a non smoker I would rather have moments where I miss it than have every minute planning a smoke break and experiencing those mini withdrawals. Every time we put that cig down we are subconsciously needing another keeping us trapped in a constant cycle that goes nowhere except slap bang against a wall over and over again.
For a little encouragement just remember that all difficult roads lead to beautiful destinations and It always seems impossible until it's done. I still have a long way to go and look forward to traveling on this smoke free journey with the rest of you! 🌸