IM MISERABLE

couldnt even work on my laptop yesterday. The pain is annoying, debilitating, no sleep is killing me and the friggin Estrogen isnt working need a higher dose so for now I sweat and burn all at once, it isnt fair at my age 57 to still be in mental pause. 😊 does it never end? Im on an all high pitty pot right now. WTF is going on with my body that it has to punish me like this. I dont think it likes me for what I did to it. Still the Opiate withdrawl might have been more intense but it didnt go on for weeks just days and then it was gone. I think its still in my system somewhat because the pills dont work ie morphine pills no, clyndamicine (script for tooth pain to fight infection) no, lorazepam forget that one doesnt work anymore. Im at min pills now, I hate taking pills everyday ADDICTION anyway u look at it. Off for my CRY of the day and MY F= 😊 pimples are still here THIS IS CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!

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  • ohh Debbie, I really feel for you..

    You have all this other stuff going on and your adding quitting smoking to it all. Honestly, you are doing brilliantly..Not so sure i could have coped with it all..

    Try and stay positive and ride out the waves :) :)

  • Im trying and had hope when I read your message of side effects and 12 weeks, receptors ect then I was told 4-6 months and I dont think I can stand the pain that long or being sleep deprived. Im going to get to the 12 weeks and then decide what to do, go back smoking, try an e-cig something to get relief. I dont crave to smoke, I crave to be pain free and sleep. PLEASE

  • Debbie--its time for us to clean house so to speak--and we will get it done --I put off so much for so long--but that day of reckoning comes--It isn't a punishment- try not to see it that way unless you want to get on pity pot---It is our higher power letting us know we are not immortal and we don't have forever.We have been unruly children long enuff-. I feel bad what you are going thru because I understand how crippling it can be.. The last 3 years have been a real bitch for me-and there are things in the past that tested me to the max-but Im still here--and have great hope I am heading towards the grand finale--and will be free --We must forgive ourselves-When we knew better we did better--and that is what we are trying to do now--Suffering is growth--I kno that sounds patronizing but it seems human beings have to go thru the negative to truly 'get" the positive--I don't quite know who I am yet without crutches but I dam sure want to find out and something is pushing me on...It truly is.-----> walk,walk... as much as it hurts. I kno something (maybe the inner me) wants to be free and we have to walk thru fire to be purified--like gold you kno---I send my hugs and well wishes for a better day to you across the miles......stay close to the site xxxx

  • That's a post I could re-read & re-read, I identify with it a lot and reading it this morn has out me on abetter footing. Thanks for your shares & presence madametobacco49, appreciated. Who am I without crutches? I feel this journey at the core is to do with my relationship with my Higher Power. Experiencing a whole other level of trust and acceptance (phew!!! exhale....) In the past my quits have been based on the intellectual (knowing it was harmful), or self-will ( I can stop this, control this) And the truth is I can't! Not alone and not on my own power, I have a lot of evidence showing me that. So here I am...unsure of what's going on in life but sure NOPE = NOPE. It's like my true self is leading me home! May your day be filled with lightness, iris xx

  • you hang in there Iris--Im glad you found some truth in my post that applied to you=Helping you helps me--isn't that wonderful that is=t works that way?? Like a big circle--Keep me posted--and stay clean--Namaste'

  • Logging on directly from getting in. This is the action as emtions have ran high from dreamworld to now. Hard to put it blunt. head wants to obsess about my ex (Achilles heal for getting back to a smoke-and the addiction knows it!) I was breaking cycling back from the Pool and low and behold at the roundabout there's Jade (ex-girlfriend), waiting to let me pass. I managed to wave, acknowledge and then the tears ran. It's mad!!! 1 week in..God only knows what the process is about?? I did think on those emotions 'f**k it' and easily could have asked neighbour but I'M HERE-Logging on to read your post was good and the reminder, helping you helps me. A teaching already in my life, maybe it's just getting deeper? The charge has passed. Getting used to feeling this stuff is hard but it would mean a whole lot to me to keep going and know this other smokefree world and be able to live in it, happy, peaceful & free. I feel rattled and trusting at the same time. Namaste my friend, may your day be meeting you in small miracles *

  • Listen Iris you cant let ex stuff ruin your goal--Believe me I have plenty of issues my mind would love to use to get me to smoke--The more that nicotine demon whispers in my ear the more determined I am to be rid of it--Some of your personal problems may feel worse now too--as you are without your crutches.. Just hang on--everyday is a little miracle and brings you closer to being free of the nasty drug--You will grow a new skin and handle this stuff better as you work towards your tobacco free goal--One without nicotine..There is never a good time for these things because there is always something goin on in our lives that seems to make it harder--It is 2 separate things--your deal with him and your breaking of this addiction--In other words don't put it all in one compartment--Do u understand what I jmean?? Don't let one thing make the other worse--Hang in there today and take care of Iris --Do your best-I think you are ready for this..ok?? ok chin up.

  • Yes!! I do feel ready for this..and not putting it All in one compartment, got it!!-This has been the Achilles heel for yrs; Relationships; family, friends, lovers and it's always provided the significant triggor to smoke. This feels different and although hard I already prefer. And the remorse I feel after smoking, happily give that a miss!! Thanks for such a prompt reply-On with the process my friend, best to you p.s Chin is up! :O)

  • good girl--keep on keepin on --Doin the same--hope you have a good day and talk soon xx

  • i must apologize Iris I thought your ex was male and as I see its a female so please forgive my ignorance. I just looked at my post ha ha it was touched up with smiley faces ho ho ho Monkey u r so funny.

  • Hiya Debbie, sorry to hear it's been a tough time but on a positive note, you're doing fantastic as 11 weeks is something to be very proud of, so well done😊

    You will get through this and every time a negative thought pops up, see if you can think of a positive one to counteract it. Like mind games really, we have to train our brains to accept and believe it will get better. Sending good vibes to you😊

  • Hey Briarwood Madame and I want to know how we can get some fancy emicons like everyone else has. We dont have any. Is there a toolbar somewhere we dont know about and are they free or u have to pay?

  • I'm on an iPad and iPhone so emoticons are all ready on it. I don't have a computer but Monky is the expert at these smilies and will tell ya how to do them on your keyboard😊

  • thank you for responding, Im hanging in going to try another medication for sleep if the dr will give it restoril its supposed to be good we will see. My brain ,head and scalp are too sore for mind games lol

  • Is that you Debbie, did you change your name😳 Wishing you a better day ahead💐

  • Yup I didnt want to be the only dummy using a real name so now Im incognito lol

  • Hello, I'll start with, keep going strong! I can't speak on anything outside the smoking and ecigs, so I'll just stay with that. Not doing anything is the best way to do it and you are amazing for going that way. I wish you the best on staying free! from all of it.

    My only request is if you decide, and I hope you dont, to "get relief", PLEASE give vaping a solid chance. By solid chance I mean longer than a few days. Vaping will keep you feeling better and keep all those nasty chemicals that cigarettes have out of you.

    Don't be scared about what big pharma and the tobacco companies are telling everyone. Cigarettes have 10x more diacetyl in them. I know people that have been vaping for over 10 years and they are just fine. There isn't a single case of "popcorn lung" related to vaping.

    Vaping is absolutely a safer, key word safer, alternative to smoking. The only 100% healthy way is to not do anything. Vaping is just 95% ;).

    I wish you the best in staying completely free from everything. I hope you don't start vaping to be completely honest. As long as you aren't smoking that's what matters.

    STAY STRONG! YOU ARE AWESOME!

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