I think like many bad habits, most of us start smoking because we wanted to fit in. I do not think anyone just jumped up alone and got a pack of cigarettes and started on our own. I have read jillygirl's post speaking about her situations now and even though she stopped and spent a long time encouraging others to stop yet she is battling with a disease as a result of smoking. She has already undergone a number of challenges and yet even more. My heart is full of grief for her and yet angry with myself. I do not even see the persons who I tried to impress anymore. They have moved on and yet I am here alone battling with a habit that I did not even really enjoy. I did not like how my fingers, my breath or my clothes smelled, the chest tightness and being alienated by people because I had to go so far off like a leper to smoke a cigarette. The only buzz was the first one in the morning. Yet I continued for years. I saw the TV commercials warning of the dangers, on the box itself it says the Surgeon General warns. They place graphic pictures on the boxes but yet I smoked. My wife is a doctor who begged me to stop, pleaded that even though I do not smoke around my kids and her, it still in my nasal passage and in my hair and on my clothes...Yet I continued to smoke. Day 19 smoke free but I am appalled, angry, disappointed, furious over the fact that I started in the first place. Most of the world is happy on what is recognized as Easter Sunday in some places but I sit alone, sun shining in my home in the Bahamas, live on the beach, ANGRY WITH MYSELF WITH A DECISION I MADE YEARS AGO.
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