Why did I start in the first place

I think like many bad habits, most of us start smoking because we wanted to fit in. I do not think anyone just jumped up alone and got a pack of cigarettes and started on our own. I have read jillygirl's post speaking about her situations now and even though she stopped and spent a long time encouraging others to stop yet she is battling with a disease as a result of smoking. She has already undergone a number of challenges and yet even more. My heart is full of grief for her and yet angry with myself. I do not even see the persons who I tried to impress anymore. They have moved on and yet I am here alone battling with a habit that I did not even really enjoy. I did not like how my fingers, my breath or my clothes smelled, the chest tightness and being alienated by people because I had to go so far off like a leper to smoke a cigarette. The only buzz was the first one in the morning. Yet I continued for years. I saw the TV commercials warning of the dangers, on the box itself it says the Surgeon General warns. They place graphic pictures on the boxes but yet I smoked. My wife is a doctor who begged me to stop, pleaded that even though I do not smoke around my kids and her, it still in my nasal passage and in my hair and on my clothes...Yet I continued to smoke. Day 19 smoke free but I am appalled, angry, disappointed, furious over the fact that I started in the first place. Most of the world is happy on what is recognized as Easter Sunday in some places but I sit alone, sun shining in my home in the Bahamas, live on the beach, ANGRY WITH MYSELF WITH A DECISION I MADE YEARS AGO.

8 Replies

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  • Hey islandboy I think it's fair to say that most of us share your views.... hindsight is a great thing...but we have all made the decision to give up this toxic killer so at least we are on the right track, we just need to keep the reasons why we should stay quit front most of our minds 😁

    Thanks for your post and keep up with that great quit of yours, almost 3 weeks 😁😁

  • Hi island boy- you're not alone in feeling this way.

    It always amazes me why, knowing all the warnings, i started and continued to smoke until my late fifties. I would smoke even I when I wasn't enjoying it and I would still love a ciggie now.

    it's so sad to hear about Jilly and depressing to think our decisions can come back and bite us.

    BUT we can only give ourselves the best chance going forward and every smoke free day gives us better health. So don't beat yourself up about the past - you are now a non smoker and that's wonderful place to be.

    Kas

    Xx

  • Hi island boy, don't waste your anger on what has happened as there is NO point in punishing yourself for a decision you made in the past. Instead celebrate your 19 days smoke free and see all the good things in your life. People are not perfect, they make mistakes and learn from them. Enjoy each day that you are now smoke free and leave the past behind as anger is really not good for you. You are not battling alone as we are all battling the same habit and by looking for the positives, the battle becomes a little less difficult 😃 x

  • Aup Islandboy :) What you say is so so true :) I think we've all been their :o

    I myself smoked and ''new'' about all the bad things about it :o BUT !! still carried on :( soooo, your not alone on that pal :o

    I am not saying now, that nicotine is the culprit for this :o albeit it being a drug, but the tobacco companies also put another 4.000 toxins into them, some of which are drugs, to keep us hooked :o

    Soooo, dont you become to disheartened about it, cos these flippin tobacco companies new EXACTLY what they were doing :o just like fishing, they just reeled us in !!

    If ever i had the money :) I would take them all to court, cos their ..... their ..... and they know they are !!!! :o You've got me going off on a tangent now, am sorry :) ermmm, I think all we can do at the moment is to try to discourage our young ones NOT to even try smoking eh :) Tell them what we are going through to quit them :o how hard it is to quit :o so that they stay smoke free :)

    Islandboy, your doing ever so well on your quit journey :) you stay focused and positive now pal, cos your getting there :) :) Please please, dont be angry with yourself :)

    Ok, I'll give you a man hugg, but only this flippin once seeeeee :o :D :D

    Take care now :) Pete :)

  • Hiya island boy,

    Use that negative energy to fight against mr Nic, we can't change the past, we have to look forward.

    You are doing the best thing you can by quitting😀😀 now focus on staying quit.

    None of us here would have ever started if we knew what we knew now. The best we can do now is educate our young people to never start smoking and eventually, it will be a thing of history only😃😃👍👍

  • Please do not be angry at yourself. Be angry at the unscrupulous cigarette companies . Historically, the men only smoked, but then they realised that there was a gap in the market and women were targeted. It was portrayed as desirable, attractive, sexy, the stars were smoking on screen to promote .

    There are many other ways the cigarettes trick people- helps to be grown up, to be calm, to end boredom, reward .....lies.

    How about to age you, yellow teeth and fingers, steal your money, to damage health in such a way that you may not notice, like an apple that is bad at the core, but you don`t know until you take a bite.

    Hope this gives you something to consider

    warm wishes Linda

  • People sometimes ask that question - "if you could go back in time and change one thing, what would it be". My answer was always the day I said YES to trying a cigarette. I would have said NO.

  • The same her Plisi :) :)

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