Newbie and struggling!

Hi all, after smoking 20 (some days more) a day for 35 years I stopped smoking cold turkey on Monday 5th Jan and by Thursday I was climbing the walls. I went out for NRT patches but most places were sold out - I guess everyone was trying to quit at New Year. I managed to get step 2 patches (I think I needed step 1). Anyhow patches helped but I had a set back on Saturday 17 Jan and bought pack of 10. I smoked these over 3 days and then bought more. As the days slipped by I was increasing the amount I smoked up to 10 then 15 a day. I felt such a failure and was very self critical. I was actually sneaking about so my friends and family didn't know and this added to my stress, I felt so juvenile! Eventually I confessed and did not receive a whole load of grief from them as I had expected but got comments like "I knew you couldn't do it". I decided not to quit "quitting" and had my last smoke on Sunday 25 January. I have managed to buy the step 1 patches and also got some nicotine chewing gum for severe cravings. Having managed 13 days earlier in the month and having a setback I am not sure at what point I can consider myself a non smoker. When will I stop feeling sad? I am also now worried that I will just be addicted to nicotine forever and need to wean myself of this slowly. Will I feel sad again doing this? I need to gain confidence in myself that I can live life as a non smoker but I can't help feeling so sad. When I'm smoking I don't want to but when I'm not I miss it terribly. Really hope I can stick with it this time. Any tips for success?

23 Replies

  • Hi Liz and welcome to quit support :)

    You feel sad but that will pass and try not to think of what has happened in the past. You can do this with the help of this forum. Lots of lovely members will be happy to help and a wealth of information is available here. We have all been or are going through similar situations and yes you can live as a non smoker and be happy. It's a new learning experience and I won't lie it's not easy but it is really worth it. You have to have a good plan in place to cope with the cravings and believe in yourself as you can do it and we will help you. Take one day at a time and stay close to this site coz it really does make a huge difference :) :) x

  • Hi Briarwood

    Thanks for your supportive response. I am treating each day as a success, winning each battle of beating my cravings will eventually win the war against smoking. I just have to accept that I am feeling sad because of the loss of a lifelong habit. I know it will get easier in time and having snooped around on this forum I can see some great tips. Well done on your success x

  • Thanks Liz, your days will soon add up as well, each day in the right direction and you will get there too :) :) x

  • Hi Liz I am a newbie as well. I know what you mean it is very difficult isn't it? I haven't quit yet but it's about getting your head round seeing yourself as a non smoker isn't it? I am struggling with that too. I have just joined to get the help and support I need to stop too so you are not alone. I guess the longer you stop the longer you will stop if you see what I mean. Bev x

  • Hi Bev yes I am finding it difficult but I really do want to quit for good so am going to persevere. Everyone on here is so supportive of each other and I guess it's because we are all fighting the same battle. I am looking forward to be able to post after 7 days then 14 and so on. Good luck with your quitting and becoming a non smoker. Liz x

  • Yes everyone on here seems great. I wish I had come here sooner. Now would probably be a good time to give up as I am on my 3rd chest infection in less than 4 months. You persevere Liz and hopefully I will be joining you soon. Bev x

  • Hi Liz and welcome to quit support

    Quitting is a life long commitment but not one to feel sad about :) :) Just take one day at a time and look ahead not back as you cant change history.

    Start each day with positive affirmations :) :) as have a positive outlook and a strong desire to succeed, you can and will do this :) :) Just take one day at a time

    All the very best on your quit journey and we are all here to help in any way we can :) :)

  • Hi glolin thank you for such a positive response. You are so right, I can't undo my relapse so I intend to learn from it. Well done on your success! x

  • Hi Liz, I empathise with you. It is hard and I took 2 years to stop completely. (I too sneaked around, lied to family and to myself) I felt sad and missed my cigarettes too. I had to tell myself WHY I needed to stop all the time. BUT you must stop for your sake - you need to educate yourself about the harm you are doing to yourself and how smoking alters your DNA so that you become a little cancer manufacturing plant.

    You will become happy, even joyful as time goes by and you start to think about it less. ( I smoked 20+ for 50 years! And I am recovering from kidney cancer, so best thing I ever did)

    I will be cheering you on!!!

  • Thank you, I totally agree about cigarettes being so harmful. Since quitting I have been researching the contents of them and was quite horrified about how they are made up - 4000 plus chemicals. I am hoping I have not already triggered some serious illness with my years of smoking but glad to hear you are recovering. Take care x

  • I think while we are smoking we don't WANT to know the whole truth - it's only when we finally make the decision to quit we start to learn. (That's why reformed smokers are the worst LOL!!)

    Congratulations on the RIGHT decision and fingers crossed everything is O.K. For you. ( My dr said if I had to pick a cancer, mine was the best ?)

    Best wishes x

  • Hi Liz, you don't know at what point you can consider yourself a non-smoker??? How about NOW, this very minute. And you will remain a non smoker for the rest of your life provided you choose never to smoke another cigarette. Ok, you feel sad,deprived, grieving the loss of a "dear friend". It's all an illusion! You KNOW you don't enjoy smoking, you KNOW breaking down is a blow to your self esteem, otherwise you wouldn't feel compelled to hide it from friends & loved ones. If I sound a bit blunt, please be aware that I say these things as much for me as others. You WILL have regrets about quitting from time to time. Just keep asking yourself.....WHY? They take you health & money. They cause you to be a social outcast, a leper. They give you N-O-T-H-I-N-G, & leave you with nothing but a bad taste in your mouth & a gnawing "need" to do it all over again as soon as your nicotine levels start to drop. Make your mantra "I no longer smoke.....and I'm GLAD".

  • Thank you Roneo you are so right. Every time I'm feeling sorry for myself I will read this and I'm sure it will sort me out. Cheers x

  • Hi Liz, We are all in it together on this lovely site, done the sneaking a cigarette, feeling sad all the time, depresed, no concentration, the list goes on. I had smoked for 45 years 20 a day mostly, and the only way I have been able to quit the cigs is by using a vapour e-cig, it's all about finding NRT that is right for you.

    You will love not smelling of stale smoke anymore, and being able to go out and about without needing a fix !! Your skin, hair, sense of smell and taste buds will improve, the list goes on !!

    You CAN do this, stay strong, and keep in touch, xx. :-)

  • Thank you mrs sunnyside and what a lovely name. To be honest I am already enjoying not constantly washing my hands and sucking mints. I was always so conscious of the fact that I was stinking of smoke. Looking forward to all of the other benefits too. Well done on you success, you must feel so proud! I intend to post milestone updates as time goes by and hopefully I will be able to offer support to others in the future as you have done for me x

  • Hi Liz,

    The feeling sad part is the worst part to begin with, but if you remember that that feeling will eventually go then it is worth sticking at it.

    I found the first two weeks horribly emotional, but im now four weeks in and i already feel so much better and that sad feeling is barely there.

    Dig really deep when you crave, you can do it


  • Thanks jenny yes I have struggled with the feeling of loss and realise now that most quitters feel this. Well done on sticking it out and good to hear your feeling better. Thanks for your support x

  • Hi Liz, welcome to the family that is quit support :)

    I think sadness is something that everyone struggles with after the excitement of the first couple of days and no matter which method of quit you choose it does have a tendency to creep up and bite you on the butt!! The good news is it does pass. As others have said take each day one at a time, instead of wondering if you'll still feel sad tomorrow be happy that you've made it through another day, reward yourself in A positive way for every new day that you've been a non smoker. It's so difficult in the first few days, weeks and months but it really does get easier, without even noticing it :)

    You are determined to do this so stay positive and if anyone makes negative comments ignore them or use them to strengthen your resolve even more!!! I secretly believe that a part of the reason I succeeded is because my ex husband told me I wouldn't be able to and I thought 'I'll show you @#$%&+? :D

    we are all here with you, newbies, middlies, oldies and will help in any way we can :)

  • Awe thank you Lily May for your lovely response. Unfortunately I don't have an ex husband to prove a point to (can't get rid of mine haha) so I shall just stick with it. Lovely bunch of people on here and so supportive I'm sure I'll be a regular visitor. X

  • Wishing you soooo much strength, faith and success Liz :)

    We have all been there, or are there , on this forum. It isn't easy for everyone, that's for sure, but really, really really! It is worth the fight, and worth the winning!

    I really had some serious struggling to go through, and every single day of not having a cigarette was, and is, a tremendous win. And breathing, not smelling, not sneaking around, getting back to having a proper voice (I'd all but lost mine, and can sing along again now :o !)....... and so many other benefits, do come. Its so much better, keep remembering that.

    You are gonna do it, we know you can, and its brilliant you have already come so far!! You are a star already!

    Go Liz! Sending you shedloads of good wishes and strength!


  • We can do it!!! I quit on the 4th of Jan, did 7 days with no problem at all. A stress build up and a 'f*** it!!!' moment and bought ten cigs. Was back on them, albeit less. Have resurrected my Vype and am four days into no smokes again. You mustn't give up on trying to stop! That sadness is a weird thing, I've tried to pin down the psychology of it and the only way I can describe it for me is that it's like reconnecting with myself when I smoke, it's that little bit of time that I give to me to ground myself. I think that's one of the reasons that women generally find it harder to stop than men, we are generally the carers, the givers, and often don't give ourselves the time and care we need. So... We need to start doing that and stopping smoking is one of them! And giving oneself the permission to do something nice instead, like sewing, reading, painting, anything that floats your boat! Sorry that was longer than I intended 😀x

  • My advice would be DON'T use patches gum etc, they only delay your actual quit and the time it takes to rid your body of nicotene- Buy a book such as Allen Carr's Easyway or Paul Mckenna's Stop Smoking Today (different books work for different people) and follow the instructions, create a strong mindset and go for it!!!

  • My advice would be DON'T use patches gum etc, they only delay your actual quit and the time it takes to rid your body of nicotene- Buy a book such as Allen Carr's Easyway or Paul Mckenna's Stop Smoking Today (different books work for different people) and follow the instructions, create a strong mindset and go for it!!!

You may also like...