On the eve of Day 10

Well, after my 7 day wobble I seem to have picked up and finding things not quite so difficult. I've managed to prise myself away from my desk to go and sit with the smokers for a 'bench' meeting as we call it, without feeling the desire to forcibly remove one of the nasty little articles from my colleagues fingers and indulge. In fact it feels really good to be able to sit there with them and not feel that urge to smoke. Hopefully I'm not counting my chickens too soon as I'm sure there will still be times when I'm climbing the walls.

The other good thing today was being able to accept a dinner invitation from friends without worrying about how or when I was going to get my fix if I accepted. Much as my friends are tolerant and accepting they are avid non-smokers and I have always felt awful accepting dinner from them then running out the front of their house to smoke a hasty cig only to return, stinking of stale smoke, to their lovely abode. Tonight I was able to eat and hold conversation after eating without feeling that fretful nicotine resentment.

I have decided that I'm going to keep a diary of all the good things that have happened or that I feel since deciding that I no longer want to smoke. That way if/when I have another wobble I can look at all the good that has come from it rather than just reasons not to do it.

Here's to another smoke free day tomorrow and many more to come :)

Lily x

8 Replies

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  • Lily that is a great idea and well done you. :-) I'm on day 47 and have treated myself to a diamond ring. Extravegant yes, but if I get the urge I fiddle with it and think that its great not to smoke as I can have nice things and can now afford them. :-) :-) :-)

  • Did you know Bunny that the word diamond comes from the Greek word ADAMao ?

  • Morning to you both

    I love the word wobble - it has a certain class to it and I am hoping that you won't mind if I pinch it on occasion.

    I definitely won't be pinching the diamond ring but what a wonderful way to pat yourself on the back for doing so well - and by fiddling with it a lovely way of reminding yourself that you don't smoke now.

    I have to be honest to both you and also to everyone else and that means being truthful by telling you all that I did partake of a cigarette yesterday even though I promised myself (and you) that I wouldn't. Although no excuse, I had a phone call from the doctors and have to go today for another blood test as the results from one I had last week are causing concern but 'not to worry' which is far, far easier said than done.

    So what with not being 100% and one or two other things that have been and are still going on I've decided that the best way forward for me rather than keeping naming a day and date, is until things are sorted and my medication is altered to make me right (if I can ever be classed as right that is!), if I want a cigarette I will have one. I am not going to put myself under the kosh and with luck, this may be the right way forward for me. If it works, that's brilliant and super, but if it doesn't then as soon as I know what is wrong and I have the proper pills or whatever, I will sit down and take stock and decide on the best way forward for me.

    So I put yesterday down as a very good day with just one cigarette (and yes I know one is one too many but I feel that this way is better for me) instead of the usual 20 to 25 that I was smoking 3 months ago (25 to 30 on a weekend). See how today goes but I do feel quite calm about things so I do believe that I am doing the right thing.

    Have a good day :)

    Luv and hug

    Kath.

  • Morning Kath.I think you are right personally in your thinking. The time has to be right for you. So you have the odd one but look at the amount you are not smoking...thats great. I think you you were with a group of friends who smoked you would probably inhale the equivalent to the one cig you have anyway? Maybe Emjay knows the stats.

    I totally agree with Yippeeeeeeeeeee it's Friday. Really long, busy tiring week. Looking forward to a lazyish weekend.

    Stay strong and Take care. Chat later :-)

    Sue xx

  • Hope your blood test.s come back that all is well Kath, I surpose that the stress you have been under lately hasn,t helped you stay off the fag,s, a lot of people reach for a smoke when they feel stressed out. You CAN do it but I still think you will find it a lot easier if you use some NRT, think about it. If you have a spray or lozengers in the house and Nic starts really getting to you then you can use an aid instead of reaching for a fag.

    Madi

  • Hi - I'm pretty new to this site but think its wonderful. If I had a pound for every time I attempted and cheated at giving up the weed, I'd be very rich(along with the money I would've saved on baccy). It is so hard and I began to hate myself for being 'weak', vicious circle. after 43 years I am now on day 39, eventually the right time will come, but there are always things in life that happen. I frightened myself the other day - had chest pain and breathing probs. Ended up in A&E and on the observation ward. Thank God I wasn't smoking - because all the doctors and nurses asked THAT question. Happily all was ok - and I didn't have the stress of creeping out of the ward to get my fix. I'm not saying I've won the war, but keep trying to win the little battles. One of the doctors said my symptoms could have been because I'd given up smoking!! I wryly asked if I should start it up again!!! They did at least laugh!! Never give up giving up - I really feel for you - so glad you keep coming back with your honesty and feelings. It will happen one day - my e cig helps enormously x

  • Morning Kath & Sue,

    Sue, what a fabulous way to reward yourself! It's really important to have something to show for it I think, it just reaffirms what you're achieving.

    Kath, one a day is amazing. I've attempted the quit many times over and, with the exception of when I had my daughter (I did 2 years then!), I've never managed more than a week. The reason I think it didn't work for on previous attempts is because I wasn't in the right place in my head or life and I was trying to do it for all the wrong reasons. I think the only reason I'm doing ok with it now is that I don't resent quitting, which I always did when it was about having to save money, or the doctor moaning, or my boss telling me it was bad for me or my partner rolling his eyes every time I rolled a cig. This time my reason for quitting was very personal to me and quite a slap in the face and I just decided that was that. It's all about timing and if you're not in the right time or place just now then you're just putting additional pressure on yourself and feeling awful when you have a cig. You're time will come as the desire to stop is there, take each day as it comes :)

    Have a really happy Friday! Hope the sun is shining for you both

    Lily x

  • Hi Kath, Sue, Madi and Vee

    Kath, your head has to be in the right place, and you have so much going on, I agree with eveyone above, it's the number you don't smoke you can keep adding up. And you are determined, will get there when the time's right. I also think it must be extra hard if the cigarettes are to hand around the home, because a partner smokes. My 'bad head' me would be pushing me to get one every time I had a craving.

    I was getting chest pains, maybe not so bad as you, but scary, and my throat had been sore for over a month before this quit, so like you Vee, alarm bells gave me some of the push I needed. I hope you are OK now? I go for walks to test my better breathing out - think it is getting better, no pain now.

    Since my slipup for a day, after about 6 weeks, last Monday, I have found it harder, bloomin crave, crave crave - on a walk, in the car, on the street, in bed, in the middle of the night when I wake up! So weird. I couldn't do it without NRT. I have a patch in the day, and the inhalator for emergencies. In fact I am going to stop now and look for my inhalator - I think it is lost somewhere in bed after a 4am crave! By succeeding day by day, I wonder if we are adding a strengthening layer to our willpower, it gets stronger and stronger. Monday peeled back a couple of layers, so I am building them up again?

    Have a lovely day all, whatever you do. Lily, you are star! Sue, a diamond ring!!! There is some treat!

    xxxx

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