To all my friends here,
My sweetheart died Saturday morning. Eight days before, Just a few days after I wrote in some reply here that he was choosing to live, he decided otherwise, and simply and firmly refused all water and food from the morning on. I thought at first that he might forget overnight, but he kept his focus and determination to the end. He wouldn't even take ice chips in case I was trying to undermine his decision. He was brave and steady, never wavered.
It was such a strange week, but there were comforts. The nearby son brought his little girls, who scampered about and cheered me up while he talked to his father. His lovely faraway daughters, who had come to spend Easter with us, visited often by FaceTime, and assured him they were safe and happy, which is what he wanted. Good friends came from far away and kept us company. I was able to get him into his reclining wheelchair one gorgeous spring day and took him out on the deck, and he basked in the sun and warm breezes through the long afternoon.
Hospice was with us all the way. He and I had wonderful support from them, day and night. The visit from the music therapist was the best thing. An hour of hammer dulcimer meditation-type music and we all became relaxed and peaceful. My love's cramped muscles and strained breathing relaxed then and never tensed again, through the last two days.
The lovely and stalwart aide who had been with us for the last 16 months or so was also with us to the end, and really helped me keep him physically comfortable. I am so grateful for her. She had massaged his feet every day since she first came, and was doing that as he breathed his last. I had my arms around him and was talking about our first hike 10 years ago, and how happy we were that day.
I was able to keep him home, and that helps. As someone else said recently, although we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together, he did spend the rest of his life with me, and I must be grateful for that.
I never could have gotten through this psp ordeal without all of you here in this community. For many years you have given me support, advice, information and friendship. Thank you, one and all. Love, peace and courage to you.