Stepping back a little

My sister with PSP was not able to attend her 16-year-old's orchestra concert last night. My niece appeared to take the evening well and was composed and beautiful and made beautiful music. A few weeks ago when she told me her mom probably wouldn't be at the concert, she was angry/sad (and this made me cry and hurt). I am on a new approach toward the family, not judging anyone and accepting all of them where they are, not expecting anyone to act a certain way (as I had been--and not realizing it's not my place to do that). All of them are grieving and in pain and experiencing it the way they know how. My husband and I met our niece and brother-in-law at a restaurant for an early supper before the concert. Brother-in-law took a carry-out order home to my sis. Grandma, dad, two uncles, and two aunts attended the concert. We surrounded our dear young violinist with our love and attention, and four of us took her out for ice cream afterwards. I am sad for my sister to have missed it but I haven't gone to pieces. I am consciously "stepping back a little." Last weekend, Friday through Monday, I was obsessed with the pain of my sister and trying to help and support her. My husband told me we can't have this kind of weekend again--because it's no kind of weekend for us. My therapist yesterday told me how good it was that I am stepping back a little. I was so sad for my brother-in-law at the ice cream place. I have always been very sensitive and seem to draw into myself what I imagine to be the feelings of others. This weekend I must be sensitive to my husband and myself. It's part of taking care of myself, which must be my first priority. Otherwise I'm not really helping my family.

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  • Well done. It is hard to step back and allow everyone to react in their own way.

    Like you, I feel for the young violinist. My daughter played the violin and it means so much to have everyone at concerts but you can't control the world. You are doing all you can to compensate. Its a tough time for every one. You are right, you need to look after yourself in order to support others. And its a long haul.

    Love from Jean x

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