Walked passed the fridge earlier and thought i heard an onion singing a BeeGees song. But when I opened the fridge door it was just a chive talkin…
I asked the chive if it wanted to be an onion? But it said ‘i’m stayin’ a chive, stayin’ a chive, ah, ah, ah, ah stayin’ a chive…
.
I went out for a curry last night and the waiter persuaded me to try their new Pelican Balti.
It was actually quite good, but I got a bit of a shock when I saw the size of the bill!.
.
.Just heard about a dwarf who was pickpocketed.
How could anyone stoop so low?.
.
.
Einstein’s girlfriend: “I’d like two things from you, Bertie, space and time”
Einstein: “What’s the second one?”.
.
I’ve just managed to burn 2000 calories in 30 minutes.
Blooming pizzas well and truly ruined..
.
.
A Group of guys, all turning 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in
Uxbridge because the waitresses were pretty and wore mini-skirts.
Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where
they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the waitresses were attractive. The food and service was good and the beer selection was excellent.
Ten years later, at age 60, the friends again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at
Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because there was plenty of parking, they could dine in peace and quiet with no loud music, and it was good
value for money.
Ten years later, at age 70, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at
Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the restaurant was wheelchair accessible and had a toilet for the disabled.
Ten years later, at age 80, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at
Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because they had never been there before..
.
Damn !
I’ve just lost the bidding on a genuine native American Indian teepee on eBay. If only I’d submitted a Hiawatha.
.
.
Studies show that cows produce more milk if the farmer talks to them.
It's a case of in one ear and out the udder..
If you drop something when you’re young, you just pick it up.
When you’re older & you drop something, you stare at it for a bit and contemplate if you actually need it anymore.
Another 'Funny' but NOT Offensive Joke.