A lion, a witch and a wardrobe walk into a bar. The barman says, "I'm serving Narnia!"
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I used to run a dating agency for chickens.
But I was struggling to make hens meet
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Heard two waitresses had a massive row over how long to leave a teabag in the cup
I asked the manager what had happened and he told me it had been brewing for ages..
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Just a quick apology to those Take That fans I offended earlier. Whatever I said, whatever I did I didn't mean it
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Bought a book today......Falling off a cliff by Eileen Dover
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.I've just been diagnosed as clinically obese.. As if I haven't got enough on my plate.
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Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to death. They consider just lying down and waiting for the inevitable when all of a sudden one says, "Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell? Ees bacon, I is sure of eet".
"Si, Luis, eet smells like bacon to meee," replies Pepe.
So with renewed strength they struggle off up the next sand dune and there, in the distance, is a tree just loaded with bacon. There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture. There's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon, every imaginable kind of cured pig meat you can imagine!!
"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Ees a bacon tree," cries Luis.
"Luis, are you sure ees not a meerage? We ees in the desert, don't forget," asks Pepe.
"Pepe, when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon? Ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree!" exclaims Luis.
And with that, Luis races towards the tree. He gets to within five metres, Pepe following closely behind, when all of a sudden a machine gun opens up and Luis is cut down in his tracks. It is clear he is mortally wounded but, true friend that he is, he manages to warn Pepe with his dying breath. "Pepe, go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree!" he splutters.
"Luis, Luis mi amigo. What ees eet?" asks Pepe.
"Pepe, ees not a bacon tree, ees a ham bush!" 🙉🙉.
Sorry that was bad!! A bit like some ladies on here😊😊😘
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