Ok some bad jokes to hopefully cheer... - Positive Wellbein...

Positive Wellbeing During Self-Isolation

9,817 members โ€ข 9,932 posts

Ok some bad jokes to hopefully cheer you up ๐Ÿ™‚

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits
โ€ข119 Replies

Her: Wanna go to the Llama farm?

Me: Alpaca bag

.

I swallowed a padlock...

I'm now undergoing keyhole surgery...

.

What do you call a Christmas wreath made with $100 bills?

Aretha Franklins.

.

.I have a chronic fear of escalators. I am beginning to take steps to avoid them.

I asked my mate to spell "won ton" backwards.

He said: "not now" .

What do you call a woman standing in the middle of a tennis court?

Annette!.

.

.

.People claimed to hear the sound of Mozart's music playing backwards from his grave.

Apparently he was decomposing.

.

.I got a phone call today and the caller said,

"I understand from your ad that you are selling a Python, is it big?"

"Sure is," I replied.

"Great!" he said with huge enthusiasm,

"how many feet?"

"None," I replied, "it's a snake.".

.

.

I named my dog Ten Miles. Now, I tell everyone I always walk Ten Miles every day...

.

.

.A Middle Eastern king who was down on his luck decided to pawn some of his valuables. One of these items was The Star of Euphrates, which at the time the most valuable gem in the world. He took it to a pawn broker who offered the king 100,000 Rials for the gem. The king said, "Are you insane? I paid more than a million Rials for this rare and precious gemstone! Don't you know who I am?" The pawnbroker looked at the king and said...."When you wish to pawn a star....makes no difference who you are!"

.

.

I can't wait to walk down the aisle again someday..

And hear those magical words....

"This is your pilot speaking".

.

.

How times have changed!

Today I overheard a child singing:

"he's making a list, chicken and rice"

๐Ÿ™‰

.

I have a tremendous fear of giants

Its called feefiphobia.

๐Ÿ˜Š

119 Replies
โ€ข

Oh bazzak ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to Hb2003

๐Ÿ˜˜ hope you are well Hiba xx

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003 in reply to Bazzak

I am doing well just remembered some stuff that made me upset a bit but Iโ€™m alright ๐Ÿ˜„

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to Hb2003

Good, stay strong xx

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003 in reply to Bazzak

Thanks I am trying โค๏ธ

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to Hb2003

โคx

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003 in reply to Bazzak

I posted something yesterday about one of my friends

in reply to Hb2003

Take care. Thinking of you. All my love Lynne xxxx โค๏ธ๐Ÿ’œ

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003 in reply to

Thank you so much โค๏ธ I had to let it out by posting about it i still think of him everyday

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply to Bazzak

When I say oh Bazzak it's not cos I'm laughing at the jokes ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿฅฐ

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to MadBunny

Confused! I will be ! ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿฅฐ

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply to Bazzak

You could interpret that in more ways than one. Up to you๐Ÿ˜˜Don't forget I was a teacher๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿฐ

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to MadBunny

Yes miss ๐Ÿค—๐Ÿฅฐ

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply to Bazzak

๐Ÿฅฐ๐Ÿ˜˜

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to Bazzak

Can I have detention? PLEASE ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜‡

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply to Bazzak

Good job they abolished corporal punishment๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜˜

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to MadBunny

Says who ๐Ÿค—๐Ÿค—๐Ÿค—๐Ÿค—๐Ÿค—๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿฅฐ

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply to Bazzak

๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿฅฐ

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to MadBunny

After the announcement, I am sorry but this Christmas there is no way that I am not seeing family and friends. You can do what you like, but I will be seeing them.

So, on Christmas Day, the following family will be at the table......

Auntie Stella & Uncle Jameson, with cousin Bailey, Malibu & Smirnoff, & the twins Gin & Tonic,

Scottish cousins Johnny Walker and Glen Moray, & from across the pond, bringing some old fashioned southern comfort with them my old cousins, Jack Daniels and Jim Beam,

My French mate Remy Martin & his friend Pernod, my Spanish mate Jose Cuevro & his cousin Martini, & Bianco, & her daughter tequila my Greek friends Ouzo & Sambuca,

My friends Brandy, Fosters, Snowball & mickey slim,

My Neighbours Captain Morgan & the Grants, the Bells, & the Cointreau's, & the Henneseys,

Uncle Charlie cant make an appearance though.....not good around the kids... although Auntie Stella is on a warning !!

Oh but we are being good and having a alcohol free Christmas!! I๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿฅฐ๐Ÿฅฐ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply to Bazzak

And you'll be playing this๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿคช

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to MadBunny

I'm sending aunt Stella to jail !!๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜™

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply to Bazzak

๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿฐ

Marnie22 profile image
Marnie22 in reply to Bazzak

There's another teacher monitoring your behaviour ........ โ˜บ๐ŸŒธ

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to Marnie22

Beat me beat me ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜˜

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply to Bazzak

Over to you Marnie- I'll let you take this one๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿฐ

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to MadBunny

You could have a cheek each๐Ÿค—๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜˜

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply to Bazzak

No I'll pass on this one thank you very much๐Ÿ˜˜In any case I don't want to be greedy- I'm happy to let Marnie have her turn๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to MadBunny

non mi ami piรน ๐Ÿ˜’๐Ÿ˜ช๐Ÿ˜ช

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply to Bazzak

ma ovviamente lo faccio, il mio amore ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿฅฐ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜

Absolutely brilliant ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜

Sorry

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to Hb2003

For what ??

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003 in reply to Bazzak

For bringing this up this is supposed to be a funny thread not a sad one

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to Hb2003

Hiba, this is a forum to listen and to help people, jokes are a side line. ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003 in reply to Bazzak

Thanks bazzak I appreciate it โ˜ฎ๏ธ

Excellent as always! Particularly good Mozart joke! The pics reminded me of that old, old one, where a guy says, 'I can't spell the word "apocalypse," but it's not the end of the world!' (Apologies if I have posted that before, please blame my memory problems!)

Also, did you hear about the new pop group which is cross-species? It's called, 'Baaaa- llama- rama!'

๐Ÿ˜๐ŸŒธ

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to Marnie22

๐Ÿ˜ you have no need to apologise for anything๐Ÿ˜˜ ( hang on I have to think that one over!)๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜˜

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply to Bazzak

๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿฅฐ

Marnie22 profile image
Marnie22 in reply to Bazzak

Ho de ho ho! ๐Ÿ˜†๐ŸŒธ

Brilliant ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚thank you!!

Thanks for the laugh. I love the aisle one๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿฅฐ

Brightened my day ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿค—๐Ÿค—๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿค—๐Ÿค—๐Ÿค—๐ŸŒˆ๐ŸŽ„๐ŸŽ…โค๏ธ

Hi Barry,

My favorite one is the wonton joke. Made me laugh really hard this afternoon. Thank you for posting this for everyone!๐Ÿ˜€๐Ÿ‘๐ŸŒˆ

Excellent ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜but I told you not to peep at your Xmas pressie which looked surprisingly like a book ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐ŸŒŸx

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to

Plagiarism is the Pilkers Sir name, pontification is the pilkers way ๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿ˜˜

in reply to Bazzak

You don't need any help your naturally funny I love your little stories about 3 people in particular ๐Ÿ˜ I am watching soaps and sleep I'm practising not coming on here lol just for tonight anyway I'm hoping to post pixies shopping trip but he keeps falling asleep at the type writer and I cought him looking at Azil photo with that naughty look he has lol ๐Ÿ†๐Ÿ†enjoy your night ๐Ÿ˜๐ŸŒŸx

Marnie22 profile image
Marnie22 in reply to Bazzak

Ooooh, get you! ๐Ÿ˜‚๐ŸŒธ

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to Marnie22

Did you like that ? ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜š

Marnie22 profile image
Marnie22 in reply to Bazzak

I love a man with language skills ........

Haven't found one yet.......

๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿ˜†๐ŸŒธ

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to Marnie22

Nor has my wife, she tells me on a regular basis!!๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜

Marnie22 profile image
Marnie22 in reply to Bazzak

But do you listen?! ๐Ÿ˜Š๐ŸŒธ

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to Marnie22

No, of course not, I don't understand what she's saying!!,๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š

Marnie22 profile image
Marnie22 in reply to Bazzak

That's because she speaks proper like! ๐Ÿ˜€๐ŸŒธ

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to Marnie22

Do you know her???,!!She is always picking me up on my diction, I have spoken like that for ever, but now it annoys her!!๐Ÿ™‰๐Ÿ™‰

Marnie22 profile image
Marnie22 in reply to Bazzak

I am sure you would be never be annoying to anyone. โ˜บ๐ŸŒธ

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to Marnie22

That is the nicest thing you have ever said to me ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿฅฐ

Marnie22 profile image
Marnie22 in reply to Bazzak

I shall try and improve on that. And on my irony. ๐Ÿ˜†๐ŸŒธ

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to Marnie22

๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜

Marnie22 profile image
Marnie22 in reply to Bazzak

๐Ÿ˜‰๐ŸŒธ

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to Marnie22

I will save that post and keep it.... Hang on were being sarcastic...

๐Ÿค”๐Ÿค”๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ™‰๐Ÿ˜ซ๐Ÿ˜ซ

Marnie22 profile image
Marnie22 in reply to Bazzak

Moi? ๐Ÿ˜†๐ŸŒธ

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to Marnie22

๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ˜’๐Ÿ˜ช

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply to Marnie22

Well there is one I can think of.......๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿฅฐ๐Ÿฅฐ

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply to Bazzak

I'll give you some elocution lessons darling,๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜Or should that be electrocution.?โ™ฅ๏ธ

Marnie22 profile image
Marnie22 in reply to MadBunny

Definitely the latter! โ˜บ๐ŸŒธ

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply to Marnie22

With the bleedin' eels๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿฐ

Marnie22 profile image
Marnie22 in reply to MadBunny

Yes! What a way to go! ๐Ÿ˜๐ŸŒธ

Marnie22 profile image
Marnie22 in reply to MadBunny

I had an English and drama teacher at my (Grammar) school, who gave us some elocution lessons. She taught us that the word, 'drawing' (as in 'drawing room,') should not have an 'r' sound in the middle when one says it. I still keep to that, she was quite a ferocious teacher! I always feel she will know if I ever pronounce it incorrectly! ๐Ÿ˜Š๐ŸŒธ

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply to Marnie22

I don't say it with an r in the middle either- and I'm from up north๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿฐ

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply to MadBunny

And still got my northern accent more or less๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿฐ

Marnie22 profile image
Marnie22 in reply to MadBunny

That's 'cos you're classy! ๐Ÿ˜Š๐ŸŒธ

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply to Marnie22

๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿฐ

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply to Marnie22

๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿฐ

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to MadBunny

Have you? I would like to hear that ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿค—๐Ÿ˜˜

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply to Bazzak

Wot for yer daft bugger?๐Ÿ˜˜

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to MadBunny

๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿฅฐ๐Ÿฅฐ

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003 in reply to Bazzak

Are you bugging her ๐Ÿ˜‰ ๐Ÿ˜ˆ

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply to Hb2003

Haha. Let me explain. In the North of England 'bugger' is a word of affection. Although your explanation's good when applied to Bazzak๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿฐ

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003 in reply to MadBunny

Ahh my bad sorry ๐Ÿ˜ญ โค๏ธโค๏ธ i love all of you

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply to Hb2003

No don't apologise. I wouldn't expect someone from the USA to know the word๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿฐ

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003 in reply to MadBunny

Gosh i need to learn ๐Ÿ˜‚ please teach me โค๏ธ

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to Hb2003

It's an English word for stupid,Silly bugger, daft bugger ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜˜

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003 in reply to Bazzak

Heck no not on my watch i will become a pencil again and erase the word stupid ๐Ÿ˜ˆ And get revenge

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to Hb2003

๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003 in reply to Bazzak

Grrr ๐Ÿ˜ˆ

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003 in reply to Bazzak

No no no you devil ๐Ÿ˜ˆ

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply to Bazzak

Or ugly. Said that to a few blokes in my time .๐Ÿ˜ŠMy dad had a budgie that could talk and it used to say 'cheeky bugger' and 'dirty bugger'It learned that from my houseproud mum. Honest ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜˜

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to MadBunny

We had budgie too called Jerry,He could sing the whole song

Jerry boy Jerry boy

Coming out tonight

Jerry boy Jerry boy

the moon is shining bright

Etc ๐Ÿ˜

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply to Bazzak

๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜˜

in reply to MadBunny

Yes, you are classy like what I am!!!! Reet North!!!

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply to Bazzak

Well if Shakespeare could get away with it.....๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿฅฐ

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to MadBunny

๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿฅฐ the Pilker can !!

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply to Bazzak

๐Ÿคฉ๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿ˜˜

๐Ÿ˜‚ great jokes King Le Bazzak ๐Ÿ˜˜

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003 in reply to Narwhal10

Now heโ€™s going to be the king of lamas ๐Ÿ˜‚ i hope i spelled it correct ๐Ÿ˜‚

Marnie22 profile image
Marnie22 in reply to Hb2003

Two l's - llamas! ๐Ÿ˜†๐ŸŒธ

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003 in reply to Marnie22

Oh gosh i am so silly forgive me ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ˆ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to Hb2003

She's a teacher Hiba! I thought they were big goats ๐Ÿ˜Š

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003 in reply to Bazzak

Lol ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

Marnie22 profile image
Marnie22 in reply to Hb2003

That's okay. The llamas might mind tho'!!!! ๐Ÿ˜†๐ŸŒธ

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003 in reply to Marnie22

Ahh your making me feel bad ๐Ÿ˜‰

Marnie22 profile image
Marnie22 in reply to Hb2003

No, just mind out for llamas for a couple of hours! ๐Ÿ˜€๐ŸŒธ

Hahaha.... keep 'em coming Bazzak, we need some cheer! ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿคฃ

Was waiting in anticipation for some more โ€˜jokes', with which to torture my OH!

Thought he'd gotten over the trauma of the other day's enforced listening to your jokes, however, he just walked in, saw me looking at my tablet, turned a ghastly shade of pale, hastened backwards out, Bumping into son and saying โ€˜don't go in !โ€™! So,maybe not!

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to Niao

๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ are you sure I'm not married to you !!๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜˜

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply to Bazzak

Don't start!!!๐Ÿฅฐ๐Ÿ˜˜

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to MadBunny

๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿฅฐ

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply to Bazzak

๐Ÿคช๐Ÿ˜˜

Marnie22 profile image
Marnie22 in reply to MadBunny

I think you would notice if you were married to The Pilker! ๐Ÿคช๐ŸŒธ

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply to Marnie22

Oh yes๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿฐ

Niao profile image
Niao in reply to Bazzak

Whew, came over all 'funny' just at the thought of that!

Marnie22 profile image
Marnie22 in reply to Niao

Wise person! ๐Ÿ˜†๐ŸŒธ

Niao profile image
Niao in reply to Marnie22

๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿ˜†

A local farmer had a horse called "Important Business"... and if anyone called, wanting to talk to him, his wife used to say: "He is out on Important Business"!

in reply to S11m

๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚

thank you for all of the funnies....ahhahahhaahhahahhah

Craftyperson profile image
CraftypersonReading Rabbits

Groan......though the plane 1 good

๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜€ Excellent Bazzak

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