Ok some bad jokes to hopefully cheer... - Positive Wellbein...

Positive Wellbeing During Self-Isolation

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Ok some bad jokes to hopefully cheer you up 🙂

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits
120 Replies

Her: Wanna go to the Llama farm?

Me: Alpaca bag

.

I swallowed a padlock...

I'm now undergoing keyhole surgery...

.

What do you call a Christmas wreath made with $100 bills?

Aretha Franklins.

.

.I have a chronic fear of escalators. I am beginning to take steps to avoid them.

I asked my mate to spell "won ton" backwards.

He said: "not now" .

What do you call a woman standing in the middle of a tennis court?

Annette!.

.

.

.People claimed to hear the sound of Mozart's music playing backwards from his grave.

Apparently he was decomposing.

.

.I got a phone call today and the caller said,

"I understand from your ad that you are selling a Python, is it big?"

"Sure is," I replied.

"Great!" he said with huge enthusiasm,

"how many feet?"

"None," I replied, "it's a snake.".

.

.

I named my dog Ten Miles. Now, I tell everyone I always walk Ten Miles every day...

.

.

.A Middle Eastern king who was down on his luck decided to pawn some of his valuables. One of these items was The Star of Euphrates, which at the time the most valuable gem in the world. He took it to a pawn broker who offered the king 100,000 Rials for the gem. The king said, "Are you insane? I paid more than a million Rials for this rare and precious gemstone! Don't you know who I am?" The pawnbroker looked at the king and said...."When you wish to pawn a star....makes no difference who you are!"

.

.

I can't wait to walk down the aisle again someday..

And hear those magical words....

"This is your pilot speaking".

.

.

How times have changed!

Today I overheard a child singing:

"he's making a list, chicken and rice"

🙉

.

I have a tremendous fear of giants

Its called feefiphobia.

😊

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Bazzak profile image
Bazzak
Reading Rabbits
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120 Replies
Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003

Oh bazzak 😂😂

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply toHb2003

😘 hope you are well Hiba xx

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003 in reply toBazzak

I am doing well just remembered some stuff that made me upset a bit but I’m alright 😄

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply toHb2003

Good, stay strong xx

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003 in reply toBazzak

Thanks I am trying ❤️

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply toHb2003

❤x

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003 in reply toBazzak

I posted something yesterday about one of my friends

in reply toHb2003

Take care. Thinking of you. All my love Lynne xxxx ❤️💜

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003 in reply to

Thank you so much ❤️ I had to let it out by posting about it i still think of him everyday

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply toBazzak

When I say oh Bazzak it's not cos I'm laughing at the jokes 😘🥰

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply toMadBunny

Confused! I will be ! 😘🥰

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply toBazzak

You could interpret that in more ways than one. Up to you😘Don't forget I was a teacher😊🐰

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply toMadBunny

Yes miss 🤗🥰

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply toBazzak

🥰😘

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply toBazzak

Can I have detention? PLEASE 😊😊😘😇

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply toBazzak

Good job they abolished corporal punishment😁😘

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply toMadBunny

Says who 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗😘🥰

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply toBazzak

😊😊😊😘🥰

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply toMadBunny

After the announcement, I am sorry but this Christmas there is no way that I am not seeing family and friends. You can do what you like, but I will be seeing them.

So, on Christmas Day, the following family will be at the table......

Auntie Stella & Uncle Jameson, with cousin Bailey, Malibu & Smirnoff, & the twins Gin & Tonic,

Scottish cousins Johnny Walker and Glen Moray, & from across the pond, bringing some old fashioned southern comfort with them my old cousins, Jack Daniels and Jim Beam,

My French mate Remy Martin & his friend Pernod, my Spanish mate Jose Cuevro & his cousin Martini, & Bianco, & her daughter tequila my Greek friends Ouzo & Sambuca,

My friends Brandy, Fosters, Snowball & mickey slim,

My Neighbours Captain Morgan & the Grants, the Bells, & the Cointreau's, & the Henneseys,

Uncle Charlie cant make an appearance though.....not good around the kids... although Auntie Stella is on a warning !!

Oh but we are being good and having a alcohol free Christmas!! I😊😘😘😘🥰🥰💕💕

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply toBazzak

And you'll be playing this😊🤪

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply toMadBunny

I'm sending aunt Stella to jail !!😊😘😙

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply toBazzak

😊😘😘🐰

Marnie22 profile image
Marnie22 in reply toBazzak

There's another teacher monitoring your behaviour ........ ☺🌸

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply toMarnie22

Beat me beat me 😊😊😘

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply toBazzak

Over to you Marnie- I'll let you take this one😊🐰

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply toMadBunny

You could have a cheek each🤗😊😘

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply toBazzak

No I'll pass on this one thank you very much😘In any case I don't want to be greedy- I'm happy to let Marnie have her turn😘😘😘

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply toMadBunny

non mi ami più 😒😪😪

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply toBazzak

ma ovviamente lo faccio, il mio amore 💕💕💕🥰😘😘

Absolutely brilliant 😂😂

springcross profile image
springcross

😁😁😁

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003

Sorry

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply toHb2003

For what ??

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003 in reply toBazzak

For bringing this up this is supposed to be a funny thread not a sad one

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply toHb2003

Hiba, this is a forum to listen and to help people, jokes are a side line. 😘😘

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003 in reply toBazzak

Thanks bazzak I appreciate it ☮️

Marnie22 profile image
Marnie22

Excellent as always! Particularly good Mozart joke! The pics reminded me of that old, old one, where a guy says, 'I can't spell the word "apocalypse," but it's not the end of the world!' (Apologies if I have posted that before, please blame my memory problems!)

Also, did you hear about the new pop group which is cross-species? It's called, 'Baaaa- llama- rama!'

😁🌸

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply toMarnie22

😁 you have no need to apologise for anything😘 ( hang on I have to think that one over!)😊😘

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply toBazzak

😁😁😁🥰

Marnie22 profile image
Marnie22 in reply toBazzak

Ho de ho ho! 😆🌸

Brilliant 🤣😂thank you!!

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny

Thanks for the laugh. I love the aisle one👍😁😘🥰

Jennymary profile image
Jennymary

Brightened my day 😊😊🤗🤗😊😊😊😊😊😊🤗🤗🤗🌈🎄🎅❤️

Activity2004 profile image
Activity2004

Hi Barry,

My favorite one is the wonton joke. Made me laugh really hard this afternoon. Thank you for posting this for everyone!😀👍🌈

Excellent 😁😁😁😁but I told you not to peep at your Xmas pressie which looked surprisingly like a book 😁😁😁🌟x

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to

Plagiarism is the Pilkers Sir name, pontification is the pilkers way 😉😘

in reply toBazzak

You don't need any help your naturally funny I love your little stories about 3 people in particular 😁 I am watching soaps and sleep I'm practising not coming on here lol just for tonight anyway I'm hoping to post pixies shopping trip but he keeps falling asleep at the type writer and I cought him looking at Azil photo with that naughty look he has lol 🐆🐆enjoy your night 😁🌟x

Marnie22 profile image
Marnie22 in reply toBazzak

Ooooh, get you! 😂🌸

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply toMarnie22

Did you like that ? 😊😊😚

Marnie22 profile image
Marnie22 in reply toBazzak

I love a man with language skills ........

Haven't found one yet.......

😆😆😆😆😆🌸

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply toMarnie22

Nor has my wife, she tells me on a regular basis!!😊😁😁😁

Marnie22 profile image
Marnie22 in reply toBazzak

But do you listen?! 😊🌸

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply toMarnie22

No, of course not, I don't understand what she's saying!!,😊😊

Marnie22 profile image
Marnie22 in reply toBazzak

That's because she speaks proper like! 😀🌸

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply toMarnie22

Do you know her???,!!She is always picking me up on my diction, I have spoken like that for ever, but now it annoys her!!🙉🙉

Marnie22 profile image
Marnie22 in reply toBazzak

I am sure you would be never be annoying to anyone. ☺🌸

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply toMarnie22

That is the nicest thing you have ever said to me 😊😘😘🥰

Marnie22 profile image
Marnie22 in reply toBazzak

I shall try and improve on that. And on my irony. 😆🌸

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply toMarnie22

😘😘😘

Marnie22 profile image
Marnie22 in reply toBazzak

😉🌸

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply toMarnie22

I will save that post and keep it.... Hang on were being sarcastic...

🤔🤔💗🙉😫😫

Marnie22 profile image
Marnie22 in reply toBazzak

Moi? 😆🌸

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply toMarnie22

🙄😒😪

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply toMarnie22

Well there is one I can think of.......😘😘🥰🥰

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply toBazzak

I'll give you some elocution lessons darling,😘😘😘Or should that be electrocution.?♥️

Marnie22 profile image
Marnie22 in reply toMadBunny

Definitely the latter! ☺🌸

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply toMarnie22

With the bleedin' eels😂🐰

Marnie22 profile image
Marnie22 in reply toMadBunny

Yes! What a way to go! 😝🌸

Marnie22 profile image
Marnie22 in reply toMadBunny

I had an English and drama teacher at my (Grammar) school, who gave us some elocution lessons. She taught us that the word, 'drawing' (as in 'drawing room,') should not have an 'r' sound in the middle when one says it. I still keep to that, she was quite a ferocious teacher! I always feel she will know if I ever pronounce it incorrectly! 😊🌸

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply toMarnie22

I don't say it with an r in the middle either- and I'm from up north😊🐰

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply toMadBunny

And still got my northern accent more or less😊🐰

Marnie22 profile image
Marnie22 in reply toMadBunny

That's 'cos you're classy! 😊🌸

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply toMarnie22

😊😊😊🐰

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply toMarnie22

🤣🤣🤣🤣🐰

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply toMadBunny

Have you? I would like to hear that 😊🤗😘

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply toBazzak

Wot for yer daft bugger?😘

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply toMadBunny

🤣🤣😘😘🥰🥰

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003 in reply toBazzak

Are you bugging her 😉 😈

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply toHb2003

Haha. Let me explain. In the North of England 'bugger' is a word of affection. Although your explanation's good when applied to Bazzak😊🐰

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003 in reply toMadBunny

Ahh my bad sorry 😭 ❤️❤️ i love all of you

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply toHb2003

No don't apologise. I wouldn't expect someone from the USA to know the word😊🐰

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003 in reply toMadBunny

Gosh i need to learn 😂 please teach me ❤️

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply toHb2003

It's an English word for stupid,Silly bugger, daft bugger 😊😊😘

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003 in reply toBazzak

Heck no not on my watch i will become a pencil again and erase the word stupid 😈 And get revenge

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply toHb2003

😘😘

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003 in reply toBazzak

Grrr 😈

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003 in reply toBazzak

No no no you devil 😈

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply toBazzak

Or ugly. Said that to a few blokes in my time .😊My dad had a budgie that could talk and it used to say 'cheeky bugger' and 'dirty bugger'It learned that from my houseproud mum. Honest 😁😘

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply toMadBunny

We had budgie too called Jerry,He could sing the whole song

Jerry boy Jerry boy

Coming out tonight

Jerry boy Jerry boy

the moon is shining bright

Etc 😁

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply toBazzak

😁😁😘

in reply toMadBunny

Yes, you are classy like what I am!!!! Reet North!!!

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply toBazzak

Well if Shakespeare could get away with it.....😘🥰

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply toMadBunny

😘😘🥰 the Pilker can !!

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply toBazzak

🤩😉😘

Narwhal10 profile image
Narwhal10

😂 great jokes King Le Bazzak 😘

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003 in reply toNarwhal10

Now he’s going to be the king of lamas 😂 i hope i spelled it correct 😂

Marnie22 profile image
Marnie22 in reply toHb2003

Two l's - llamas! 😆🌸

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003 in reply toMarnie22

Oh gosh i am so silly forgive me 😭😈😂😂

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply toHb2003

She's a teacher Hiba! I thought they were big goats 😊

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003 in reply toBazzak

Lol 😂😂

Marnie22 profile image
Marnie22 in reply toHb2003

That's okay. The llamas might mind tho'!!!! 😆🌸

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003 in reply toMarnie22

Ahh your making me feel bad 😉

Marnie22 profile image
Marnie22 in reply toHb2003

No, just mind out for llamas for a couple of hours! 😀🌸

Hahaha.... keep 'em coming Bazzak, we need some cheer! 👍🤣

Niao profile image
Niao

Was waiting in anticipation for some more ‘jokes', with which to torture my OH!

Thought he'd gotten over the trauma of the other day's enforced listening to your jokes, however, he just walked in, saw me looking at my tablet, turned a ghastly shade of pale, hastened backwards out, Bumping into son and saying ‘don't go in !’! So,maybe not!

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply toNiao

🤣🤣🤣 are you sure I'm not married to you !!😁😊😊😘

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply toBazzak

Don't start!!!🥰😘

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply toMadBunny

😁😘🥰

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply toBazzak

🤪😘

Marnie22 profile image
Marnie22 in reply toMadBunny

I think you would notice if you were married to The Pilker! 🤪🌸

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply toMarnie22

Oh yes😊🐰

Niao profile image
Niao in reply toBazzak

Whew, came over all 'funny' just at the thought of that!

Marnie22 profile image
Marnie22 in reply toNiao

Wise person! 😆🌸

Niao profile image
Niao in reply toMarnie22

😆😆😆

S11m profile image
S11m

A local farmer had a horse called "Important Business"... and if anyone called, wanting to talk to him, his wife used to say: "He is out on Important Business"!

in reply toS11m

🤣😂

twooldcrows profile image
twooldcrows

thank you for all of the funnies....ahhahahhaahhahahhah

Craftyperson profile image
CraftypersonReading Rabbits

Groan......though the plane 1 good

Smiler53 profile image
Smiler53

😂😀 Excellent Bazzak

Just testing 🤔

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