Seeking to restart contact again - Positive Wellbein...

Positive Wellbeing During Self-Isolation

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Seeking to restart contact again

Roukaya profile image
13 Replies

Good morning and I hope you are all well

I hope expect many of you will be pleased the new vaccine is coming through and this will end much much worry and anxiety with the virus .

I have been away as I have been seeing a Psychotherapist and I understand why my Mother has always held me back since my Father has died

I have always done my best for her but now I realise it is for me to take full responsibility for my own life and choices

I have seen how she will put herself first and fails to recognise her only daughters lack of confidence and lack of self esteem

I realise this now and I find myself chronically lonely and in my times of loneliness I could cry

I am still preparing for the resit and as I am 51 I hope to be vaccinated before I can even consider of going to visit my Mother

A new neighbour moved in who I thought could be a friend but as she has made various negative judgments on me already I do not think I can cope with her put downs already

I wonder what is worse being alone or being in company with the wrong people

13 Replies

Hello I'm glad your getting help and you have to be patient with this, was you smiley and friendly with your nebour or been negative and telling her your troubles I find people are attracted to happy cheerful people you could maby practice a different approach xx

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to

Good morning I hope you are well

I gave a welcome present and a few Islamic prayer gifts.

The neighbour is from Morocco separated from a husband young and uneducated

She thought I was a tenant and I explained I own my own home which is a flat in this block

I explained I was born and educated in U.K. she then replied but you are still from India

It would seem someone with very little can look down on me already and I tried with her

I have learnt people can be cruel or insensitive without even realising this

I no longer wish to be friendly with this new neighbour as she makes me feel worse

I hope you are ok

Marnie22 profile image

Hi. I just wanted to welcome you back. Good to hear from you. 🙂🌸

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to Marnie22

Good morning I hope you are ok

Do you feel lonely and isolated

I think the run up to Christmas is making it worse for those alone

But people on this site are kind and thoughtful

Marnie22 profile image
Marnie22 in reply to Roukaya

Yes, I feel very lonely and isolated from time to time. This community is a good place to be and communicating on here can be very helpful. 🙂🌸

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to Marnie22

Good morning I find the people on this site to be kind and supportive

I hope you are feeling better these days

Kind Regards

Marnie22 profile image
Marnie22 in reply to Roukaya

Thank you. 🙂🌸

Roukaya profile image

Good morning I hope you are well

I have realised that this site was of great support but I also realised that everyone has their own issues and may be I repeated myself a little too much with my own issues

I am learning that as my Mother can only see herself first I sadly see that my self confidence and self belief eaten away by a Mother who always complains and takes a great deal of energy from me

No matter how much I listen whatever I do is never enough

It is for me to recognise this and realise that as she puts herself to my own detriment

Thank you for pointing this out and I am grateful for this site

I also am learning that self confidence and self respect creates respect and clearly I need to realise this .

san_ray70 profile image
san_ray70 in reply to Roukaya

You are lonely as are a lot of people, I am married, but try to help people by calling them. I am sure if you get in touch in some way with a charity or church, they will need people like me. I used to go and visit people, but now I keep in touch by phone. I hope you are feeling better, please keep in touch with your mum. My daughter does not contact me, if I call her she will not answer. She is the one who has depression, the reason I joined this group.

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to san_ray70

Good afternoon I hope you are well

It is very sad that your daughter does not speak to you

I call my Mother at 5am every morning but all of this is taken for granted

I realise that depression is a dark cloud which prevents you from seeing a way ahead

I am quite sad today as I am having my front tooth taken out

My Mother is someone who is very self absorbed and self centred

Psychotherapy made me realise how by trying to support her she destroys me emotionally

I will need to find the strength to make a life at the age of fifty one

Life can be hard for many but it is how we see a way ahead

It is sad that your daughter does not take your calls as my Father would sometime do this to me as he was involved with a younger women

Today is a difficult day for me

I hope you can cope

Hi Roukaya , lovely to see you back 😊. So glad that the counselling is helping you, Xmas can be a very lonely time but especially this year with the virus everything is all mixed up, And a lot of us are away from our families, we all just have to try and get through this time as much as we can, as others have said it’s only one day really isn’t it, we can do this. Are you planning to cook yourself something nice for Xmas dinner, I.m cooking turkey for the first time in 17 years as you know we’re not usually home for Xmas, so I’m hoping it all goes well. LOL x

Midori profile image
MidoriVisually impaired

Hi Roukaya,

Welcome back! I was going to message you, but you beat me to it!

It's good that you have gotten some therapy, and you now have more insight on your situation.

I wonder if you could move to another part of the country and make some new friends, to stop yourself feeling so lonely, although I understand that being single as a Muslim lady is not ideal from the perspective of your community. I also understand that becoming successful in business would mitigate that somewhat, I really do hope that you can find a placement soon.

Hopefully, the vaccine will soon be available to us all, and the virus goes away, or weakens until it is less of a disaster.

Your new neighbour does not seem a very nice woman, if she makes judgements without all the facts. Perhaps don't be too open with new folk, especially as discrimination seems to be a trait of Muslim families. There is something like it here in the English community too, although not so pronounced. We are supposed to be a 'classless society', but the class system seems to be alive and well amongst us all.

My late husband was a consultant on Disaster Recovery for large Corporate computer systems, and was earning more than the PM at the time he died. But that was 30 years ago, and things have changed drastically since.

I encountered it when I was first widowed. I was much older than the other mothers, and was quite often asked if I was my children's grandma! Mums and Tods groups were excruciating, but when it got to school, it was easier. I find that the answer to it is to ignore it and put it down to people's ignorance. 'Friends' like that you don't need.

Don't stay away so long next time!

Cheers, Midori

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to Midori

Good evening I hope you are well

I thank you for your understanding

I thought to be a friend to the new neighbour as a result of my loneliness but I had not realised she is already considering me to be inferior

Making judgements without knowing the facts and stereotyping me as an immigrant from India

Despite me telling her I am British born and educated she replied but you are from Mauritius

I think she is clearly judging me a negative way which has made me feel bad

Plus my Mother who has been largely supportive can complain and moan and disregard my feelings

But we can never change someone else just ourselves

I realise better to be on my own than with the wrong company

I wonder how you are getting on

As I passed on exam and missed the other I have a resit for Jan

I think the vaccine is so hopeful so I will wait until I am vaccinated before I can go and visit Mum

I thank you for your honestly and the class system and discrimination is still around

I think the discrimination hit me very hard from the new neighbour because I was discriminated by my own family as a child so this cruel neighbour brought it all up again

I will be keeping well away from her and again a lesson learnt

I wonder how have you been keeping

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