Appreciation for those who listen - Positive Wellbein...

Positive Wellbeing During Self-Isolation

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Appreciation for those who listen

Roukaya profile image
38 Replies

I would like to say this on site group has been a great source of support for me

For those who have anxiety issues and no one else it is a help to know I can explain my concerns without being feeling rejected

Since as an only child now I am fifty I find myself for the last three years trying to obtain a Diploma in Wills and Probate and find a years legal work experience

Since my Father died and before he died I had to care for my Father and now for the last ten years I had to look after my Mothers financial protection as my Father was being taken advantage of by a younger woman

My Mother has taken all that I have done for her for granted saying it is your duty.

He terrible temper became apparent when she was involved with a male friend who at first was her friend and became controlling and cruel to her

If i had said anything wrong she would lash out on me and this has made my anxiety worse

I realise that some us can cope better than others

This virus has shown me how strangers can show more kindness than my own parents

I have always done my best but I now realise that clearly my Mother can make my anxiety worse

I hope you all remain safe and well

38 Replies
Activity2004 profile image
Activity2004

Thank you for sharing this with everyone. I hope you stay safe and well, too, Roukaya .👍

I’m sorry to hear how your parents behaved over the years towards you. It’s not your fault. You do your best to help when you’re able.

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to Activity2004

Thank you for answering my post

How are you

How do you spend your days

I am unable to sleep given my Mothers terrible rage

Activity2004 profile image
Activity2004 in reply to Roukaya

I have been okay this evening.

Please try to get some sleep tonight and take it easy. Don’t let anyone keep you from getting a good night’s sleep. I will be here tomorrow anytime after 8:45 am. Promise!😀👍

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to Activity2004

I thank you for your kind words

How are you

I will be in touch later today

I hope everything is ok with you

Activity2004 profile image
Activity2004 in reply to Roukaya

You’re welcome! I feel okay, but tired. I will be heading to bed soon.

I hope you have a good night.😴 Talk to you later.😀👍

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to Activity2004

I am sure the stress of Covid 19 is making us all tired

Very difficult times but kindness from others makes a huge difference

Activity2004 profile image
Activity2004 in reply to Roukaya

Yes, stress of anything can cause tiredness and/or other health issues.

You’re right! Kindness from others does make a very big and wonderful difference.😀👍

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to Activity2004

I hope you are safe and well

How are you

Thank you for your kind words of comfort yesterday

Activity2004 profile image
Activity2004 in reply to Roukaya

You’re welcome! Are you feeling a little better today?

I’m here at home and will go to the computer soon.😀👍

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to Activity2004

Thank you

I am better today yesterday

I hope not to have a day like that again

I hope you are safe and well

Activity2004 profile image
Activity2004 in reply to Roukaya

You’re welcome! You can always talk about anything that is on your mind anytime. I and everyone else will be here to help and listen.😀👍

in reply to Activity2004

How many have to find my words so so I just sit and observe alot people tend to think I'm unsocialable

Activity2004 profile image
Activity2004 in reply to

Hi Hidden ,

I'm sorry to hear that you feel like 'people tend to think I'm unsociable'. That won't happen on here. We have a very friendly and helpful group of group members who will talk to everyone. :-)

How's your day going so far?

in reply to Activity2004

Socializing ha ha

Activity2004 profile image
Activity2004 in reply to

Sorry for the delay. The WIFI was going in and out this morning here at the house.

What did you do so far today?

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to Activity2004

Not too much

Watched the news of Uk and Mauritius

Spoke to Course Tutor

I have been an extra learning course free of charge

Spoke to Mum

She has been given a food parcel

The person I asked for help brought a case of food for her given the Lockdown

Mum not cross today

But I get a thank you

No

Never mind as you said

You did the right thing

Very kind words

What did you do today

Activity2004 profile image
Activity2004 in reply to Roukaya

Been on the computer and also talked to my Nephew and Niece on video chat with my brother. They're okay. :-)

I believe that you'll be okay with your class and things will be better soon for you with your mom. Give it time. :-)

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to Activity2004

I really appreciate the support you gave to me when I was feeling low yesterday

Your niece and nephew have such a good Auntie in you

Activity2004 profile image
Activity2004 in reply to Roukaya

Thank you for saying that! They miss me. Both are under the age 5 years old.

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to Activity2004

🙋Always here

Activity2004 profile image
Activity2004 in reply to Roukaya

That's right! :-)

in reply to Activity2004

I got my grandkids old skateboard out and took the wheels off now I just need to figure out what to build

Activity2004 profile image
Activity2004 in reply to

Let me think about some ideas. :-)

in reply to Activity2004

Ok I can read a schematic ok

Activity2004 profile image
Activity2004 in reply to

What about a lazysusan/turn table?

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to

Life is about making the first step

But many times my first step gets stuck

in reply to Roukaya

Remember after the first step things seem to get on a roll and two or three things get line out

in reply to Roukaya

Hi Roukaya, So sorry you've been so affected by your family dynamics. Sometimes we can put our family on a pedestal when really they are as fallible as anyone else when it comes to relationships.

Sometimes they demand to be put on a pedestal, and don't altogether deserve to be there.

I think we have to somehow find the middle way. I've got an idea that you might come from a culture that does demand family loyalty, and that's hard when they've been less than always good towards you.

Family life is a very complicated and complex thing for most people. And the world usually presents us, via media, with a completely unreachable ideal of what family life should be.

I think as children we do have to have a basic respect for the people who brought us here, but I don't think we have to idealise them if they let us down badly.

Try to practice kind thought towards them, even when they aren't supporting you as you feel they should.

But you don't unfailingly have to agree that they have always been kind and supportive to you.

Just find that middle way and try not to make yourself suffer when you discover that parents too, have their flaws. Take care of yourself and I hope you have a happy day today.

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to

Very kind and warm understanding

Thank you

bobbybobb profile image
bobbybobbAmbassador

I am sorry to hear your family have taken you for granted. It is a fact that some parents are good, some bad and some inconsiderate and foolish. It is good you identify that your mum can be a trigger for your anxiety because now you can think of ways to lessen that trigger going off. You need to start putting yourself first for unless you do this it is difficult to have the autonomy to move forward in helping your mum. Have you ever considered writing your feeling down and telling your mum how she makes you feel. It is very unfair for one person to make another person feel this way even though it's your mum. If she knew she was the cause of some of your anxiety she might think about how unfairly she has treated you. You are important and your feeling are important and you need to lessen the damage people are putting upon your feelings. You have every right to have peace of mind and be settled in yourself and find a happiness, you deserve it. ☺☺

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to bobbybobb

Dear Bobbybobb

I hope you are safe and well

I thank you for being kind enough to answer

I realise we are all going through very difficult time with the global spread of this virus

In comparison my worries are quite less in the context of what is taking place in the world

I can see through self isolation that my own Mother without her knowing can be the cause of my anxiety

I will never be able to tell her because of her raging temper I have experiencrd

Trying to sort out the boiler then having to deal with her temper because I tried to find help for her food

I think a balance has to be drawn and even though she can be very supportive she can also be very hurtful and damaging

I will learn to realise this and may be I can see even though I visit her often I chose not to live there given her behaviour

I will always worry for her due to this virus but I realise she can be quite detrimental to my own mental healtn

I hope you are well

You have been kind enough to listen and I thank you for this

bobbybobb profile image
bobbybobbAmbassador in reply to Roukaya

You have it in perspective and the current times make all are anxieties grow and it's good you are able to talk about it because its good to get it out of your system and can sometime be beneficial just speaking about your anxieties. I hope you have a productive and pleasant day today and keep safe. ☺☺

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to bobbybobb

Thank you

I hope today goes well for you

san_ray70 profile image
san_ray70 in reply to Roukaya

Roukaya, I hope you are well. I have re married 15 years ago, when IU met him there was his daughter living with him. She hated me on sight, she even bought his ex. her mother round to get rid of me. They both tried hard. Then I met his other lovely daughter, who has nothing to do with her own mother. She sees her sister, and tries to persuade her to see her dad. I love my step daughter and grandchildren. Since we have been married we have not seen the younger daughter. She now has a baby, we have only seen pictures. Myself I have a son and daughter, neither of whom care to get in touch with me. If I let it get to me, I would have a nervous break down, but you have to make your own life. I hope things get better for you, good luck with what ever you do in the future.

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya

Thank you for your kind words of understanding

I am beginning to understand the situation better but with the virus spreading everyone is naturally anxious

I have been in contact with a Psychotherapist who has been kind enough to talk to me for ten minutes every day

Now you can see why I chose to live in England as opposed to Mauritius

I try to go for visits then I come back

Stay safe and Well

I

Thank you for, what I call, being brave to post this.

You are a very strong person, you may not believe it but you are. I'm 60, 61 this month, and I've said to both my girls that I do not want them looking after me, it's not their duty.

It's good you've realised the trigger for your anxiety so well done.

I really do feel for you but please do not hesitate to voice your concerns, we are all here to help each other.

Take care

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya

I have to say your sound a very good Mother

I have understood very clearly that both my parents have been self centred and when things go wrong they turn to me

I am trying to see that my Mums angry is slowly destroying my ability to succeed in life

This is why I must learn to realise she may be my Mother but I would never treat a daughter the way she treats me

I am fifty single and seeking to requalify

But by the time I listen to my Mother and her demanding nature I am already tired

But I can at least see the pattern and it is up to me to take responsibility for my own life

I have lost many friends as my Mother would say

You have no friends

Yesterday’s insult

I am already awake while you are still sleeping

But thank you

How do you spend your time in self isolation

How do you cope

Thank you for answering my post

🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹

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