Saying Hello: I would like to explain I... - Positive Wellbein...

Positive Wellbeing During Self-Isolation

9,737 posts•

Saying Hello

I would like to explain I have been away mainly due to waiting for the two exam results of the Wills and Probate Diploma

I passed one and the other by a narrow margin

I realise it was panic and anxiety which caused the narrow failure

I will be resisting the exam in January with the help of a Course tutor hopefully

But unable to sleep due to problems I have with a very difficult and selfish Mother

She does exactly as she likes and if I say something wrong she will shout and take out all her anger on me

But she will put her best face for the inner circle of friends

I think I am unable to cope with this kind of behaviour from her and may be it is best I visit her next year

I am very much on my own but as a Narcissistic Mother my opinion means nothing but to get shouted and insulted

I have a good employment adviser who has made me realise it is my lack of confidence and self worth which has really prevented me from seeing ahead

But we are in a Pandemic so it will be difficult to cope with the next few months until the vaccine can bring about stability

Marnie was very right , some of us have no one to turn to

Life can be hard when there is no one to care if you live or die

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Roukaya

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21 Replies

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Marnie224 years ago

It's good to hear from you Roukaya.

I think it was great that you managed to take the exams, well done for that and for doing so well. I think you will get where you want to be and your confidence will grow. With that you will be more able to press ahead without letting others' words and opinions affect you so much.

None of us can change what other people do or say or think, we can only change the way we let it affect us. It took me a long time to realise that.

Keep in mind that there are people in this community who do care about you.

Sending a hug.

🙂🌸

Roukaya• in reply toMarnie224 years ago

Good morning

I hope you are well.

I kept away until the results came out due to the fact of the anxieties I have .

I think you are well versed to understand that I should learn to minimise the impact my Mother has on me

I really understood your words when we are told find some one to talk too but for those who have no one who do we talk too

But thank you for believing in me

I hope you are coping

I have been watching the cuteness of Hosico the cat and your videos of cuties.

Very uplifting and sweet

Keep well

Many on this site also care for you

Roukaya• in reply toMarnie224 years ago

Thank you for listening and showing great understanding

There are time’s I can cope but time’s I seem to struggle

I think the likelihood of a second lockdown and being in total isolation will be hard for many who live alone

I thank you for your kind advice and I wish you progress with your own situation

bobbybobbAmbassador4 years ago

Congratulations on passing one of the exams Roukaya and the resit you do in January, that will soon come around and you will have had already had the experience and have a good idea of what to expect, so will be better prepared. The pandemic has changed so many people’s lives and plans. I’ve heard on the news another national lockdown could be on its way. We are all waiting for a vaccine so we can start getting on with are lives once more. Trying to get experience at the moment will be virtually impossible with the pandemic going on but you must keep looking forward. Sorry to hear you are in a bad patch with your mum. We care about you here, I know it’s not the same as having close family of friends around you or close by but we do care never the less.Of course only you can understand how you are feeling but we are here. 😊🌸💚

Roukaya• in reply tobobbybobb4 years ago

Good morning

I hope you are well

I think the exams and waiting for the result took it out of me and this is why I kept away from the website for a while

I have turned 51 in August and it is dawning on me I cannot spend my life trying to listen and solve my Mother’s worries to my own detriment

She is a very stubborn chart and was doing the shopping of an elderly lady who lives with a Brother

The old lady imposed herself on mum and demands she does her shopping

Plus the old lady may be mixing with a relative who has Covid

The argument took place because I have said I will not be coming at least until I have done the resit

My Mother rang me ten times a day a week before the exam due to problems with tenants

I can no longer give her the support she needs

She can have a very detrimental impact on me and all that I have done for her is taken for granted

I think I remember how she discarded me for the sake of her new man and only became better once age realised she was being used by him

I have seen there is a little practice just opened on my doorstep

I am thinking of going to ask if they could consider me for volunteering within their practice as this would enable me to start gaining familiarity with a legal practice

I find life a struggle like Marnie has explained not all of us have family to turn to

There is mental illness in my Fathers side of the Family so I will learn to draw a boundary against my Mother

I expect I was deeply hurt when she preferred this man over me and if she was with him now her insults would have been very damaging

She is blind to the anxiety I suffer from as this was demonstrated by the two papers

I hope you are keeping well and I do not like to be a burden to anyone

• in reply tobobbybobb4 years ago

Back in September I had come on here in a furious mood over autumn plans getting cancelled and this morning had been the icing on the cake with that insensitive feature about could Christmas be cancelled this year?

Things will be different this Christmas but no way will it be cancelled.

That feature had brought up anger and resentment over the things earlier in the year that had been cancelled that I had been holding inside.

Jennymary4 years ago

So pleased for you that you passed your exam, hope you're having a little treat to celebrate, as you say you failed the second exam by a narrow margin so in January I'm sure you'll pass, and before long you'll be posting that you've been offered a job 😊

Roukaya• in reply toJennymary4 years ago

Good morning

I hope you are well

Thank you for your reply

I am sure you are pleased your Cooker is working and you have sorted out the electrics

I had two small water leaks plus my grills filament broke

So I know how hard it is to sort this out by yourself

I had an argument with my Mother and she can be very demanding and bad tempered .

She goes out of her way to help an elderly lady but this lady lives with her Brother

I said you can’t be expected to do her shopping twice a week for her

In the end she puts all of her fears and anxiety into me and this impacts on me because I am on my own

I also realise that I may need to go away in U.K. for a few day’s but this will depend on the Lock Down

I hope you are well

MidoriVisually impaired4 years ago

Hi Roukaya,

We do care, I in particular admire your tenacity in keeping on with your studies, despite isolation and unpleasant relatives. (been there, done that many years ago). I think I would have given up long ago.

I was lucky to pass my Nursing exams many years ago, but it wasn't easy.

I'm glad you've come back on.

You have been doing so well lately with the family problems, you have grown in confidence from your early postings here.

Cheers, Midori

Roukaya• in reply toMidori4 years ago

Good morning

I hope you are well

Thank you for your reply

I think I am mentally tired with sitting for the exam and waiting for the results

I think I should learn to realise that my Mum can be a demanding child at times but also very unhappy and this is projected onto me

I think as there is likely to be a second Lockdown this will be hard again to adjust to but what choice do we have

I hope your house is going well

MidoriVisually impaired• in reply toRoukaya4 years ago

Yes, we are both fine,although my son is getting antsy because we are back in lockdown already,and so he can't get things done he would like to.

The weather is absolutely horrible right now rain and really high winds.

4 years ago

Hi Roukaya, Commiserations on missing out on that second pass by such a small margin, but I'm delighted to hear that you are going to press on and try again soon. You will get there, I know!

Well your relationship with your mother is, as always up and down. Some relationships are like that. They seem to thrive on conflict and experience will tell you that this is the case with your mother. Happily you always make it up in the end.... until the next conflict arises. It's ok to be annoyed with her when she's being difficult, so long as you do make it up again later.

You sound as though this has caused you to hit another 'trough' in life, but you will bounce back. You always do. So take care. Don't be too hard on yourself, or on your mother. Your troubles with her aren't a permanent state. Things will get better again. 🙏

Roukaya• in reply to4 years ago

Good morning

I hope you are well

I realise that I tried very hard and the results are if no surprise to me

Life is lonely and I expect I must learn to accept the loneliness and isolation given the strength of the pandemic and realise there are many who are alone

In this process learning to realise Mum is a demanding little child who is deeply unhappy at time’s and the realisation that are are all responsible for our own lives

This will be for me to realise ultimately I am not responsible for Mum nor is Mum responsible for me

She has the ability to get me down as my own mental state is tired

Thank you for listening

4 years ago

Well done on taking the exams and you did well, you did pass, don't beat yourself up about a narrow margin.

Unfortunately you cannot change your mother. My husband has the same thing with his mother and she lives 10 minutes from us, I don't see her anymore as I can't but she is selfish and only thinks about herself but we've learnt to just cope with who she is and now just ignore her. I know it's not easy but that's all you can do.

My husband, his sister and brother (his brother lives away) try not to let their mother's behaviour affect them, in fact, there are times now where they laugh about it as she's so demanding, she's 91 but has always acted like a child. My husband and his sister struggle some times but they try their upmost not to let her get to them.

There are people that care about you.

Take care

Alicia

Roukaya• in reply to4 years ago

Good morning

I hope you are well

I am learning to realise that despite my Mums behaviour I should not let it impact on me

I think mentally tired with preparing and waiting for the result

Now it is to deal with the resit and coping within the limits of a second lock down

Mental illness can prevent you from seeI got your true worth and capability

I realise by passing the other exam that it is indeed possible to requalify but this will take strength and determination on my part

• in reply toRoukaya4 years ago

Hi Roukaya

I know it's easier said than done but you'll be able to do it. My brother was appalling to me when I was younger but I've now got over that and moved on, he died around 5 years ago now and I was actually relieved.

You'll be absolutely fine with the re-set. I took the herbal remedy Kalms when I took my driving test years ago and they worked a treat.

You will find strength and determination within, you can do it.👍

RoadRunner444 years ago

Hello Roukaya, I have been wondering how your exams went. Now I know and am delighted you have passed one at least. So congratulations! The other was missed by a margin. So what? It happens! But now you have an idea what to expect in January. You should now use the extra time to just concentrate on filling in the gaps so that you are well and truly ready for the resit.

I also think its a good idea to discuss becoming a volunteer in that little practice you mentioned. This will give you purpose as well as helping you to meet other people. Volunteers are invaluable in every walk of life and if you are accepted you will be valued for the skills you have already acquired and willing to share, all of which will go a long way to building up your confidence. So do follow this up.

As for your mother. I would think by now you understand that the relationship with your mother is difficult and is unlikely to change. Just accept you are one of thousands of people who experience similar problems. Do what you can, when you can to support her but try not to dwell on just her. Importantly, try to lead a fulfilling life for yourself.

Sent with my best wishes for your future happiness.

Roukaya• in reply toRoadRunner444 years ago

Good morning

I think you have written such an understanding and sensitive piece and thank you

It seems you have great compassion and sensitivity in understanding my situation

I am pleased to taken both exams and after an absence of twenty from education the realisation that exams are meant to test us

I realise I have the ability and it us for me to work on where I went wrong

I have recourse to an excellent course tutor who will be giving me some of her own notes on the subject so I can see where I went wrong

As for the little practice I will visit them on Monday and find the name of the Senior Partner and write to him a compelling cover letter

But ultimately it will be their decision

Thank you for making me realise that there are others who have similar Mums to mine

The key is not to let her impact on me

I think too much time on my own and to ruminate on things that are in the past

I hope you are keeping well and prepared in the event of a second lock down

You are a very kind and understanding person and I really appreciate your kind words

Roukaya4 years ago

Good morning

I hope you are well

I think after sitting and waiting for the result I could not cope with Mums stubborn behaviour

This lead to an argument

But I realise it is for me to mage my own life

It will take hard work abs patience but must learn to see the end goal

I hope that if a second lock down takes place I hope eventually we will see a vaccine and stability and continuity will prevail

I hope you are keeping well

• in reply toRoukaya4 years ago

Hi Roukaya pleased to know that you've got your exam results back and that you're back in the community, I'd hoped that your relationship with your Mum had improved a little as you were showing so much solidarity over the business with your cousins wedding, there are probably always going to be ups and downs within your relationship, when they crop up you could look back on how supportive you were of each other during that time xx

4 years ago

Hi Roukaya

We are all here for you. Many congratulations on passing one of your exams and you only failed the other by a narrow margin so I'm sure you will pass it in January. Your confidence has come in in leaps and bounds since joining this community. I know you will still do lots for your Mum but you won't let her drag you down. You are a very strong lady. I do by you have managed to ask about volunteering at that new practice. Lots of love and hugs Lynne xxxx ❤️💜

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