Remember, there is always someone wo... - Positive Wellbein...

Positive Wellbeing During Self-Isolation

9,734 members9,902 posts

Remember, there is always someone worse off than you

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits
22 Replies

Bad jokes for the day.

This lorry full of tortoises collided with a van full of terrapins. It was a turtle disaster.

I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley. She said 'Tenpin?' I said, 'No, permanent.'

I went in to a pet shop. I said, 'Can I buy a goldfish?' The guy said, 'Do you want an aquarium?' I said, 'I don't care what star sign it is.'

I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said 'Analogue.' I said 'No, just a watch.'

I went into a shop and I said, 'Can someone sell me a kettle.' The bloke said 'Kenwood.' I said, 'Where is he then?'

I went to the doctor. I said to him 'I'm frightened of lapels.' He said, 'You've got cholera.'

I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, its P something T something R.

I was reading this book today, The History of Glue. I couldn't put it down.

I phoned the local ramblers club today, but the bloke who answered just went on and on.

The recruitment consultant asked me 'What do you think of voluntary work? I said 'I wouldn't do it if you paid me.'

I was in the jungle and there was this monkey with a tin opener. I said, 'You don't need a tin opener to peel a banana.' He said, 'No, this is for the custard.'

22 Replies
RoadRunner44 profile image
RoadRunner44

Those, I appreciate and I absolutely love the posters,

😀😃😆😅

Veteran250 profile image
Veteran250 in reply to RoadRunner44

Love the poster, pity I cant download it..... the monkey/tin opener joke was hilarious! 🤣🤣

oldwomaninpain profile image
oldwomaninpain in reply to Veteran250

Don, you might be able to if you have a mouse attached

hover the mouse over the pic

right mouse click and then choose save image as

You should be on Live at the Apollo Bazzak! 🤣

Marnie22 profile image
Marnie22 in reply to

But we only have Bazzak's assertion that he is an actual human - he might be a chat bot!!!!😁😵🙄😅🌸

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to Marnie22

Behave yourself Marnie, or you know where you will go!😉x

"Doctor, Doctor, every morning I find myself singing 'The Green Green Grass of Home', then at lunchtime I can't stop humming 'Delilah' and all night I sing 'Sex Bomb'."

"You have Tom Jones Syndrome."

"Is it rare?"

"It's Not Unusual..."

😁 no? Xx

Marnie22 profile image
Marnie22 in reply to Bazzak

Oh, no. I CAN'T TAKE ANY MORE! 😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😵😵😵😵😵😵😵😵😵😵😵🌸

hypercat54 profile image
hypercat54 in reply to Bazzak

Oh that's brilliant! 😁😁

Marnie22 profile image
Marnie22

How can you be cheery that early in the morning?;🤔🌸

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣👍😃

leo60 profile image
leo60

:) Not sure there is any hope for you my dear Baz xx

🤣🤣🤣

Activity2004 profile image
Activity2004

These gave me a big smile and laughing really hard this morning. Thank you! :-)

hypercat54 profile image
hypercat54

Hilarious 😁😁

Becksagogo profile image
Becksagogo

Thank you!

Tertia3 profile image
Tertia3

Where do you find them?!

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to Tertia3

A man received an e-mail from his neighbour :

"Sorry Jim, but I have been using your wife... day and night whenever you’re not at home. In fact, probably more than you. I’m confessing now because I feel really guilty. I hope you will accept my sincerest apologies. I will ask your permission in the future.

Upon reading this, Jim gets his gun and without uttering a word he shoots his wife.

A few minutes later he received another e-mail: “Sorry Jim: I meant ‘wifi,’ not ‘wife

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply to Bazzak

Hahahahaha

Tertia3 profile image
Tertia3

That's actually quite good, considering the spelling mistakes people make when tapping away on their phones! Feel sorry for the poor wife, though!

Brilliant 🤣 😂

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny

Awful as usual!

Here's another:

I'm good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet.I don't know Y.

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to MadBunny

👍😁x

You may also like...