I've happened upon this forum through one of my countless Google searches and decided to finally sign up. I have always been a "worrier" but this past year I have come to realize rhat my worries are actually full blown anxiety. I've tried to seek help (therapy, meds) but dont continue with anything because in my mind im hopeless. I've also developed a very mild Percocet addiction sincelast summer and can't go a day without taking at least 5mg even when I tell myself no. I blame it on the pain I have even though it's really because I like the high they give me and the pain doesn't subside that much from them anymore. Which leads me to my next point ...for the past year I have noticed whole body pains that won't go away. I thought it was from my extremely active lifestyle -I worked two jobs, went to school, and worked out regularly . Since last year , things have changed. I couldn't attend school due to financial reasons, I now work only one job, and I stopped working out, yet everyday I wake up with back pain and go to sleep with back pain. Nothing works to alleviate this. I suffer from GAD and do get panic attacks at least weekly, sometimes more (heart racing,numbness, crying , feeling like im gonna die).
Now to the point of my post:
for the past 9 months I have been trying to get pregnant with my incredibly supportive partner. I assumed I would achieve pregnancy easily as I had been pregnant before but had a termination (very long story, please don't judge as I feel deeply terrible about it every day of my life). what makes me worry is the chronic pelvic pain I believe I am experiencing.
The pain feels like a mild cramp, sometimes sore, sometimes sharp(but only for a moment). But all discomfort is near constant. I have been tested for stds, been to the er twice, seen five different obgyns, and since im young (23) , ovulating (tried ovulation sticks), normal ultrasound, have a regular cycle and previous pregnancy, I get told "it can take up to a year " . I truly believe something is wrong with me and my pelvic pain is what causes me the most anxiety. whole body pain, inability to get pregnant, my angry outbursts at times, crying over everything. I cannot talk to anyone about any of this. My partner knows of my pain and my anxiety and helps the best he can. He also thinks I only take Percocet occasionally not everyday. He will massage my back and my feet and when I cry about things and have severe panic attacks,he always comforts me, he goes to my many doctors appointments, but I can't seem to feel better about anything. I honestly feel hopeless, like im dying, and my life is worth nothing. I just need to know im not alone with my pain and my feelings . This is truly horrible.
I feel like every doctor I go to doesn't care and won't take my pain seriously.