It's taken three years to get to this point and I'm glad that my GP tried so many other options before it came to this. He has referred me to a pain clinic. No idea how long it will take. My fear is that the pain is worse after three years and it's hard to show people what that feels like. My 60mg of OXY in the morning can help with waking up in severe pain but any extra activity like tidying up will require me to take 20mg instant release OXY and to stop. Some days I'll need all of that and 400mg of tramadol on top with a TEN's machine.
I try to play music on my keyboard to build up my music sample packs for others to enjoy and because I can't sit up straight, I can't even do that. It's really upsetting me. I bought these silly gadgets to hold my iPad up at eye level and tilt my keyboard up but it still hurt. This pain has already destroyed my 20 year love of photography (holding straight, twisting turning etc is so painful). Editing at a desk is so painful. I thought I'd go back to music as I could do that in bed and save the results for others to use in their music.
I can't take more loss from my life. I've no family, no friends and the creative things that have always been there for me, are vital for any reason to live.
I hope the pain clinic can help reduce my pain once and for all. I thought bipolar was hard. Actually, chronic pain is just as nasty and can be worse when you can't even create when you want.