My partner Veronica was diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian brca1 cancer in June of 2016. She had been having symptoms of shortness of breath and poor appetite and feeling bloated. The gp gave her an inhaler and some omeprazole to see if it helped, which it didn’t. She eventually had an ultrasound which revealed a large and what turned out to be, cancerous cyst. She then had 16 litres of fluid drained of her lungs, before starting on carboplatin. This helped until about early 2017, when they gave her more carboplatin, she had an allergic reaction whilst she was having it, but the staff were brilliant in dealing with it.
She then had cisplatin, but that caused her to collapse, and when they scanned her lungs, they found blood clots as a result of her chest drains. Weekly Taxol again helped, until around April of this year, she had pockets of fluid on her lungs which couldn’t be drained safely. After several abdominal drains, she was then put on Caelyx, which you have to keep cool with, not easy during that heatwave we had. By July, we realised that she was taking longer to recover from treatments and her breathing deteriorated, even with home oxygen. In August she was admitted again, with her breathing difficulties, her kidneys began to fail, and she was having to be helped to do simple things like getting out of bed. She hated it. Her consultant told me there was nothing more they could do for her, and we should prepare ourselves, and we would only have weeks rather than months. Three days later, she was transferred to a hospice. During the night, her breathing became laboured, and she passed away later that morning. We were due to be married in the hospice the following week.
In the past 19 months, I’ve lost both my parents as well.
I apologise for this post being so long, but I would like to say, that I have read several posts on here over the past two years, and it has been really amazing the amount of information and support this site provides, and I hope it continues in the future. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
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Bryzer
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Thank you for you kind message. I am fortunate that I still have two of our grown up children -22 and 24 - who have their friends for support as well. My sister, who Veronica was quite close to, lives near me, so I’m quite lucky that way. Thank you again
Sorry to read this and thank you for sharing about your partner and her death - I hope that sharing helps you as you are the one left behind to cope with her loss x
So sorry to read this Bryzer but you'll know Veronica is now free from pain and the indignities this disease can cause. It must be so difficult for you, knowing you were to be married next week and to have lost your parents recently too. I hope you have other family members and/or friends to help you through your grief.
Thank you, and one of the things the staff in the oncology ward did, was try to maintain her dignity throughout the last couple of weeks for her, and I have to say, they were brilliant with her. She always felt guilty about taking up their time when they should be with other patients, which was fairly typical of her, putting others before herself, and she’d tell me to stop fussing! . When my mum was ill, Veronica helped me with her, as she did with my dad, and my grandmother about 13 years ago as well. I have our two grown up children, my sister is close by, so I’m lucky that way. Thank you again for your kind words
My heart goes out to you at this very sad time. To have multiple bereavement over a short period ,must be devastating. They say that GRIEF is the price you pay for love and commitment in your life.and you have to go through this very painful process and be able to come out on the other side. I hope you have a lot of wonderful memories to look back on and not to dwell on the horrible times. Love Chris
Thank you, your words are so true, it has been quite painful at times, I do try to think of all the happy memories, and I try to avoid the ones of Veronica at her worst. Difficult, but I think I’ll get there. Thank you again
Life has dealt you a rubbish hand recently. So sad she went before you could get married but I am sure she was happy to know it would have happened if possible. It is hard to focus on the wonderful times that you had together but she would want that to be so. Best wishes for the future.
Thank you, when I spoke to the hospice chaplain who was making the arrangements, shortly after Veronica passed away, he said much the same thing, the intention was there, and I am hanging on to that. Thank you again
Dear Bryzer. This is the saddest of posts to read and it must have been extremely painful for you to write it all down and relive it again so soon. We are all here for you if you need support at this dreadful time. We don't just exist for the poorly ones. We are here for everyone who is touched by this monster disease. My love goes to you and a piece of my heart goes to your beautiful Veronica, who battled so hard to stay with you. xxxx
Thank you, I did find it helpful to put this down. I have read so many supportive posts over the past couple of years or so, it is amazing how people can help one another through this forum. It is, as you say, a monster disease, her consultant called her cancer stubborn. Thank you again, I will keep your words in mind.
Dear Bryzer, you are very brave to share Veronica's story with us all and I am so sorry you both had such a tough time. You have been through what all the husbands and partners out there dread added to which, in your case, you have lost your parents as well. Life can be very cruel but at least you know that Veronica is no longer suffering.
I send my very best wishes for your recovery from your losses and hope you can soon find happiness and sunshine once again. Take care, Woody
Thank you, I think over the past 19/19 months, I’ve barely come to terms with one loss, when something else happens and I’ve felt like I’ve just been carried along with it. I am physically drained, and I have fibromyalgia on top of everything else, which has been really quite a challenge to deal with as well. I do take comfort sometimes in the fact that she isn’t suffering - her constant battle to breathe was draining for her, and distressing to watch as well. Thank you again for your kind words.
Thank you, your kind words are appreciated. I am fortunate to have people close that I can lean on for support, and I have been touched by the kind words of so many people. Thank you again
Thank you for your kind words. I hope gps are more aware in future. One positive which came from this is that our daughter was able to be screened for brca gene which came back negative, which I know was a great comfort to Veronica. Sarah has recently started a college course to go in to nursing and I’m sure she will make her mum proud. Thank you again
Bless you Bryzer, you’ve had such a difficult time I’m so sorry you’ve had such a hard time and to lose Veronica so soon is really hard. You have my condolences and love ❤️Xx Jane
Thank you, we were going to finalise the arrangements on the Monday with hospice chaplain, which was really difficult to deal with. I am lucky with having support from family as well as some close friends. Your words are greatly appreciated
Thank you for your courageous and moving post. We couldn’t fight this disease without our loved ones and supporters. I am so sorry for your losses - Veronica is no longer suffering and I’m sure she would have felt secure in the love you had for her.
My sympathy and best wishes to you and your family, Ali x
Thank you for your kind words, I do get some comfort from the knowledge that she isn’t suffering and constantly struggling to breathe, which was very distressing for her as well as ourselves. Thank you for your kind comments, much appreciated
Thank you, I felt a bit guilty for writing such a long post, I felt it was like a release in a way, and I am deeply touched, as are our children, who have read these comments also, by the kind words sent by so many people, who have taken the time to read my post and reply. It goes along way to regaining my faith in human nature.
I’m so sorry to hear about your loss, you have both been through a very traumatic period. I hope you are getting lots of emotional support from the hospice team now, to help you come to terms with all that has happened. Now time to take care of yourself allow time to grief. My heart is with you. X Gini.
Thank you, the hospice team, and the chaplain in particular, have been extremely kind and generous with their time, and it has been particularly helpful to know that I can turn to them when things get tough, and it’s not always something you can share with family members either. Your kind words are greatly appreciated.
Hi Bryzer. I am thinking of you and so sorry for your loss. So hard and heartbreaking. Everyone has already said what I could say so sending big hugs from Australia and know we are all with you.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I have had similar journey with my late wife, she passed away last year. Initial diagnosed OC IIIB 6 years ago. Think of the good and also bad times with her and they will become lovely memories. I have three daughters between 20-25. One of the positive thing that came out of it is that my daughters do the annual screening such as ultrasound and CA125 marker, also the breast cancer marker on the Oncologist O&G advise.The OC is genetic on my wife's side. Both her mother and grandmother suffered the same fate.
Thank you. I have many wonderful memories of Veronica and her children live on in her. I think one of the most important things is, as you rightly say, are the annual screenings. I am grateful that our eldest daughter is brca negative, our youngest is to be screened soon for the gene also. She also has three other sisters who also have daughters, and as far I know, they intend to be screened as well. Thank you for your kind words, they are greatly appreciated.
Dear Bryzer so sorry to hear your sad news. Take comfort from your family and friends. You will have sad days but it’s said that grief is love with no where to go. Give your love to your children. The memories you share, both good and bad will hold you together. Take care. Cheryl.
So sorry to read what your poor Veronica--as well as you --went through. She really deserved a break along the way and it sounds like she didn't get one. It must be comforting to all of you that there were many trying to help, and helping in different ways. My thought are with you. oxox
Thank you. One thing Veronica was able to do before her health started to deteriorate, was have a day out and see a show in Edinburgh in March, and that is a wonderful memory for my daughter to hold on to. Your kind words are greatly appreciated
I’m so sorry to hear your sad news Bryzer. My heart breaks to hear of yet another victim to this dreadful disease. From your post it’s very obvious that you were a loving and helpful partner to your dear one . It’s good to know that this website helped you during this time. May she Rest In Peace .
Thank you. I felt frustrated many times over the past two years, wishing I could have done more to help. I was once described by one of the nurses on the oncology was “awesome” for the care I gave Veronica. I didn’t feel like that, all I was doing was rubbing cream on her feet at the time to give her some comfort. Your kind comments are greatly appreciated
I am so sorry for the loss of your partner Veronica. It sounds like you were right there by her side through out her battle with OC. I am sure that meant so much to her and you as well. So much loss, losing your parents as well can have a toll on you. I hope and pray you have support all about you. I want to thank you for sharing. I send my deepest condolences to you! Peggy xx
Thank you. If my mum had still been alive, she would have devastated by Veronica’s passing. One night, after Veronica had helped me get mum ready for bed and settled for the night, she turned and looked at Veronica and said with a huge smile on her face, “I love you”. My mum passed away a few days later, but it was such a lovely moment which I will never forget. Thank you for your kind words, they are greatly appreciated
I am so thankful you have such wonderful memories! ❤️ We just lost our son 3 weeks ago and it is so difficult. I try and think of all the wonderful memories. My family and friends help me so much. Some days it is a moment to moment thing. Surround yourself with positivity Bryzer. You will be in my prayers. 💕 Peggy xx
I'm so sorry for your incredible loss of your partner and your parents. It breaks my heart to read this and it is so sad what she went through, and what you've been through. It is nice that she had you by her side through it all. It's healthy to express yourself so do not apologize for posting your thoughts and feelings. Talk to anyone who will listen, you've been through so much. All the best to you. My condolences.
Thank you, it has been difficult to see a way through sometimes, but one of the things I try to do is think of all the jokes she told, and how she used to make the nursing staff laugh. The morning Veronica was being moved, the nurses and ward assistants lined up to see her. Most of them had tears in their eyes, it was very moving. Your kind words are greatly appreciated, thank you
Oh Bryzer, I'm so sorry for your losses and echo what has been said by others. There is an organization that has helped me with grief over the years called The Grief Recovery Method. They are based in the US but I believe have a branch in the UK. If nothing else, some of the information may be of comfort to you. I'm so glad you have found some release by sharing your story with us. Here's to your own healing now.....Kathy in Seattle.
Thank you for kind words. I have had a quick look at the GRM UK website and it is something I will consider seriously so thank you for pointing me in their direction. I’ve had a difficult couple of days, but I feel a bit better today. I have fibromyalgia too which has been quite bad, but I did expect it to be that way. The pain is subsiding a little so hopefully it will allow me to get a bit more active over the next few days. Your comments are greatly appreciated.
Dear Bryzer, I'm so sorry to read your sad, sad news. How heartbreaking to lose Veronica before you could marry her. It must have made losing her even more painful. I can think of no words to comfort you other than at least she is at peace now and her suffering finished. To have lost both your parents as well must have made for a dreadful time. I can think no words to comfort you, I wish I could give you a big hug. Make sure you eat and look after yourself. Life will gradually improve and the bad memories slightly diminish and you'll be able to look back on your happy memories.
Thank you. In the days after Veronica passed away, I had to be reminded to eat, I kept finding something else to do, and wondered why I was getting light headed. I’m slowly getting back in to a routine again for meals for the kids - I say kids, they are 22 and 24 - which is helping a bit. Your kind comments are greatly appreciated
So very sorry to read about your loss of Veronica. It sounds as if you were with her every step of the way on this ghastly journey of OC and that must have been a huge comfort for her. To know that you wanted to marry her and it would have happened if at all possible. Life is so unfair but I hope after a little time has passed the good memories will shine through the sadness.
To have lost both your parents in the past 19 months too, well that is just too much and I hope you will feel able to seek bereavement counselling to help get you through this time. Macmillan, your GP or your local hospice if there is one can all help with this.
Thank you. OC is such a dreadful disease, I know all forms of cancer are. We didn’t know anything about it until Veronica’s diagnosis, although she didn’t want to know too much about it, other than the treatments and side effects. She left us with many happy memories, and her Irish humour was almost legendary in the oncology ward. I am going to see the hospice chaplain soon, I found him very approachable, and was very generous with his time which helped me initially. Your kind words are greatly appreciated
I'm very sorry for your loss, Bryzer, especially in such a short time frame and before you could marry your beloved Veronica. You sound like you made a great couple indeed. Wishing you brighter times ahead. Maus
Thank you. The nurses used to say that we were lovely together, and funny, especially when she used to tell me off for fussing! Your kind words are greatly appreciated
I would like to thank everyone who has taken the time to read my post. I know that many of you have suffered losses yourselves, some very recently. I have found it encouraging in so many ways. To me, these messages are not just words on a screen, they are genuine, heartfelt and supportive, something which I think is l lacking in society in general today. I will continue visit this site and share my experience if I can to others who are in a similar situation to myself. It is three weeks since Veronica passed away, and just over a week since her funeral, and everything is still a bit raw, but I am beginning to see a way forward a bit clearer now. Once again, thank you for all your kindness. Best wishes Brian
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