Update on my brave wife

I just want to let you know that after a tough 3 months of surgery recovery and then relapse, of OCS cancer, my brave and beautiful wife ended her painful journey peacefully on November 10th early morning.

She seemed to do so well after the surgery, it was not until the UT infection 2 weeks later and her drastic drop in appetite and rapid reoccurrence of the cancer, that she was readmitted to hospital on 10th Oct and stayed there with various other complications such as kidney ureters blockage by the cancer and swelling of legs and drop in albumen that she started her path downwards. They told us beginning of Nov that there is nothing else they can do as the cancer is rapidly taking her body over and as long as she remains unwell they are not able to start the chemo. When she ate food, the cancer seemed to scavenge it and so began the vicious circle for my wife. I called her family from Taiwan who came and my wife was happy to see them and enjoyed the timeleft. Doctors could not say how long.

She was transferred to a local hospice on 3rd Nov.

After they left, she asked the doctors to put her under relaxants so that she would not wake up to extreme pain every time, so she went into a constant sleep. Even though asleep I believe she was still hearing our voices.

She passed away peacefully in her sleep at 5.15 am Thursday 10th Nov. I was at her bedside.

My daughter, although sad, and like her mother, sees the good side of this that her mother is no longer in pain or suffering.

For me, although I have been on this roller coaster ride with my wife, I thought grieving will be easier. I was wrong. Two weeks on and I miss her dearly. Every word, action is in my mind and the notion of not ever seeing her again hurts me more than I can say. I try to keep strong for my daughter, who is brave like her mother and is at a school trip in Geneva right now.

I apologise for this sentimental outbreak.

Thank you all for your support during the time i started posting and I regret that my wife never got the chance to post on this platform after her brief recovery from debulking surgery. I am sure she would have been so pleased with the support she could have got from this platform.

36 Replies

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  • So sorry for your loss... do not apologise for being sentimental at a time like this there is no other way to be ... as time goes by it will become easier but you will never forget your beautiful wife ... think about the good times all of the great memories you shared ... my thoughts are with you.

  • From all of us at Ovacome, we send our deepest sympathies to you and your family on the loss of your wife. It sounds like she was a very special person and we are so sorry to hear of the very difficult time she had.

    If we can be of any help or support to you or the family do please feel free to give Ovacome a ring on 0800 008 7054

    Best Wishes

    The Ovacome Team

    Reply

  • Hi. I am so sorry for your loss. I read your post with a heavy heart as I know your wife has endured so much. as have you and your daughter. There are no words really just want you to know that your beautiful brave wife, your brave young daughter and yourself are in my thoughts at this sad time. Please do not apologise for any sentimentality, there is no need. We feel your pain. Take care, Kathy xxx

  • I am so very sorry for yours and your daughters loss. May your wife rest in peace pain free and happy.

    Dx

  • It was with great , great sadness that I read your post ....I have lost three friends to this dreadful disease , spending last days with them .

    You are not sentimental but grief stricken without her . " Cruse " on 0808 808 1677 can organise face to face when you need help ; they are a bereavement and counselling service , open office hours .

    My thoughts are with you at this terrible time , and for your daughter as well . She will need all of you .

  • I read your post with a very sad heart, for you , for your daughter, for your family and for your beloved wife too. It is cruel that time marches on when you are grieving so hard, however it does and it has to. You were with your wife and you were her support, her love, and her friend I'm sure. It is far far too soon for you yet and grief is painful and will be for some time...because you love your wife.

    It's so hard to write the right words, but please know that we all send you our prayers and amongst your grief I hope that you can also have happy memories of you and your wife and daughter together, smiling and happy.

    .In time those special memories will come more easily but don't ever feel sorry for being sentimental, your love for your wife shines through.

    Take care

    Clare 💐

  • So sorry to hear this. Even though she was sleeping in her last days she will have been aware of the love surrounding her from you and your family.

  • So sorry to hear this Pamnani...you and your family have had no choice but to be very brave throughout. I am amazed your daughter is on a school trip.. wow! All the best as you work your way through the bereavement journey and don't forget Macmillan can support you through this too. Lxx

  • I'm so sorry for your loss thinking of you and your daughter

    Xx

  • My thoughts are with you and your daughter at this time. You will never forget, but in time you will be able to accept and remember all the happier times. If you need support, please dont be afraid to ask for it. Take care. Ali xx

  • So sad to read this. You've all had a really tough three months. Your wife is free if pain now.

    Time will heal the rawness of your loss.

    Thanks for letting us know and best wishes for you and your daughter.

    All the best!

  • I am so sorry for your loss, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family, may your beautiful wife rest in peace. xx

  • So sorry to hear your news Pamnani. My thoughts are with you and your family x

  • So very sorry for your loss.

  • I too am so very sad and sorry to read this, I have thought about you often as I have been in QEQM for treatment. Grief takes a very long time, I know that from losing my son, there is no right or wrong way to deal with it, just do whatever gets you through the day. My heartfelt sympathy to you and your daughter. xx

  • So sorry to hear your sad news. It must be very difficult for you and your daughter at this time. Hopefully the loving memories you have of your brave wife will help you cope with your sadness. Thinking of you. Carole H x

  • Oh my heart goes out to you. We are all still here for you.

  • Oh bless you're heart my lovely. I'm supporting someone with OC and the one thing I can tell you about this page is all the people on here going through or supporting someone with OC they all bring comfort and support to everyone wether it's a lot or a little everything helps. If you need some friends who understand what you're going through then please post xx

  • So sorry for your great loss. She must have passed on great share of her bravery onto your daughter. May God continue to bless you and your daughter every step of the way as you grow accustomed to parenting without her physical body there and know that she is still spiritually there.

  • I am very sorry to hear about your wife's experience. Not everyone has pain and many women I have known here have passed away very peacefully. Also, there are women who are granted a long time. I'm so sorry about your wife's difficulties.

    I know the Hospice movement is a wonderful and necessary thing and they certainly helped me when I needed them most.

    This is a raw and difficult time for you and I think it's a good idea to call Ovacome if you feel you need support at this time. I also think in the medium and long term, you could ask the Hospice if they have a support group. There will be others in a similar situation to you and you may get a little comfort from that.

    Sending my condolences.xx

  • I too, was very saddened to read your post. You have been so supportive to your wife and family during these difficult months. Please take time out for yourself now, you need that to be strong for whatever is to follow.

    My heartfelt best wishes to your daughter, family and you.

    Dawn

  • So very sorry, no apologies, with best wishes for you and your daughter, Claire xxx

  • So so sorry to read your post, the more you love someone, the more pain when you lose them. I was married for 53 years and my husband died in January, I still cry every day. It's good to let it out .

    I wish you and your daughter comfort in the years ahead with all your memories.

    Trix

  • So very sad and sorry to read this, sending my deepest condolences to you and your daughter. xxx

  • I am sorry to see your post. I don't usually visit this site as I have MBC

    I wish to offer you my sympathy for your Wife and your daughter's loss of her Mother.

    A terrible final journey to see a loved one make. Take comfort from the fact that your Wife did hear you (the sense of hearing is the last wonder of life to close) and knew you were taking the journey with her as far as possible. Love doesn't die.

    Patricia1517

  • My condolences......I was in your position 39 months ago and whilst I can't say it gets easier, it does become easier to accept. Life goes on, a different life but you will have good days and very good days. To start with I didn't think I went more than a few minutes without thinking of my wife and running everything through my mind. But then without actually realising it all of a sudden i was busy and hours would go by and she hadn't been in my mind.

    Now whilst I miss her so much I am able to enjoy parts of life, my daughters and I talk about her all the time and I have no doubt we always will.

    So hang in there and I hope you find some comfort in good memories.

  • So very sorry for the loss of your beautiful wife - you are all in my thoughts & prayers x

  • So very sorry for the loss of you wife . Condolences to you s f your daughter . Xx

  • I would like to add to all the wishes of support for you and your daughter. You have nothing to apologise for and I think you are very strong to write the post you did.

    I hope you and your daughter can slowly start to share the good memories you have of the wife and mum you have cruelly had taken from you.

    My very best wishes to you both.

    Netti

  • Very sorry to hear this news Pamnani. My heart goes out to you and your daughter in your grief and I trust you will get all the support and help you need at this difficult time.

    Best wishes to you both,

    Barbara

  • My deepest condolences to you and your daughter and your extended family. Yes you have really had a hard time caring for your wife and visiting her faithfully. Rest assured you made her as comfortable as possible while she was ill, Of course you feel the loss, it is very early days yet. Sending you kind thoughts

  • I'm so sorry Pamnani. You and your daughter must miss your lovely wife dreadfully. My thoughts are with you.

    love, Lou xxxxx

  • So very sorry for your loss

    Judy x

  • Very sad to read this news. Your and your daughter's world has changed so dramatically in such a short time, you have to allow time to help a little bit.

    Thinking of you both x

  • So sorry to hear about the loss of your beloved wife. Sending love to you and your daughter. From your posts she sounded truly loved and supported and I am sure this was a great comfort to her. May she rest in peace. 💞

  • May your wife now rest in peace. You and your daughter are in our prayers x

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