Hello everyone, hope you're all well.
I'm having a bit of a faff on with my ankle at the moment and it hurts, really hurts The arthrits in my ankle isn't RA anymore apparently. There's been so much damage that its turned to OA which frustrates me even more.
The problem I find with OA is that there is not a single painkiller that can do anything about the pain you're in. The painkillers I take (including paracetamol, codeine and tramadol..) seem to put me in what I like to call a bubble. A bubble that doesn't get rid of the pain but merely puts me in a position where I feel either so tired or relaxed that I can't be bothered to worry about it any more.
My ankle has been a bit of a problem for a while now but it seems to be getting a bit worse I think it might have something to do with my driving. I do a lot of driving to get me from A to B and transport the family and I think it's finally beginning to take its toll. I love driving, it gives me a sense of independance and the freedom to do what I want and when I want. My Dad keeps saying that I should trade my car in for an automatic because that would stop my ankle from being used as much (it's my left ankle causing bother). I'm not too keen on this idea though, I like changing gear myself in the car as it makes me feel like I have a sense of control of the car.
When I went to see the specialist about my ankle the suggestion was that I might have to have my ankle fused. Now when he mentioned this, I went all defensive and said I wasn't having it done because I was too young but now I'm getting to the point where it's starting to hurt so much that I feel something may have to be done. Does anyone know what fusing a joint means? Has anyone had it done? How will it effect me and my walking? Any details on this would be fab!
Because of the amount of effort I have to put into walking at the moment because of the pain in my ankle, I feel tired almost all of the time. Everything seems to take more effort and I need to allow myself an extra 10 mins or so to get from one place to the next because my walking is so weird.
I feel so self concious about my ankle. It doesn't look normal when I take my socks off and the way I walk when its stiff (or locked) just adds to my embarrassment. It's not the best feeling in the world when you've gone to the cinemas with your boyfriend and you stand up at the end of the film after being sat down for 2hrs and find that you cant walk and have to walk in a proper perculiar way Thankfully Ive learned the art of making a joke out of it and laughing about how daft I look but deep down it's not really that funny to me at all.
I do that when I'm in pain. I develop a condition which I like to call 'brave face'. Symptoms include being in pain with your arthritis but continuing to tell everyone you're fine even though you know deep down that you're not. I'm sure many of you have probably suffered with the same thing..
Anyway that's my rant over I guess, time to get back to work!