I had a fab weekend, I started to think that the Enbrel had kicked in. I played in the band at two functions and went off roading (I managed to climb in the land rover with the aid of a box and some gentle persuasion from a friend - Bit graphic so won't go there!!) I remember thinking as my sports bra went into overdrive, along with the landrover, I'll pay for this, but I just don't care. That evening, over a very small glass of something, I thought I felt my throat starting to niggle but I had been shouting and whooping during the course of the morning as the horizon disappeared yet again over the rough terrain and blamed it on that.
Big mistake, next day I was coughing and sneezing and couldn't take Enbrel Injection No 11. Sooooo near and yet so far. I will get past 12 and let it kick in but it could kill me in the process. Next day I went to the doctor. 'He's rung in sick I am afraid', the receptionist greeted me with, 'you are seeing Dr Hanratti instead' Now, I new I had heard the name somewhere but in my chesty, throaty groggyness I couldn't think. Whilst picking up a copy of a two year old Sussex Life, it came to me - Chamber of Horrors, Madame Tussauds. OMG!!! James Hanratty was the seventh-to-last person in England and Wales to be hanged for murder after being convicted of carrying out the 1961 "A6 murder". Well, at least I knew it couldn't be him, as he had been hanged, ??Son - nah, surely not..... should have left while I had the chance.
He was very nice while he made me cry when he told me I was suffering from bereavement, told me that I needed to take control over my own body, ask what the alternatives were to the poisons I was currently inflicting on myself and take a 'drug holiday'. then he presribed an antibiotic that was guaranteed to give me diarrhoea, a cough mixture that was guaranteed to make me shake and gave me a big hug, The receptionist gave me very strange look when I walked off in the wrong direction.
So here I am two days later with diarrhoea in addition to a dreadful cough and feeling like s*** cos I had to leave off the Mtx and Enbrel. Deep joy!
When I had collected my drugs and thoughts, i went home and pondered over what he had said. I won't stop the drugs as, although they are poisons, I don't want long term joint damage, well not for now anyway.
In conclusion to this missive then, the bereavement part was true - it's the loss of all your thoughts and ideas for your future and the plans you had in your head for retirement, like walking coast to coast and working our way round the coastal paths. I went to a party on Saturday evening and they had a Cayley (?spelling) and I so wanted to get up and dance but there was no way I was going to be able, with the best will in the world, to do 'The Gay Gordons' :-). Perhaps that was a good thing in the end!!!
Love and empathy to all of you!