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A first Christmas on my own

3 months ago•26 Replies

My first Christmas on my own. I think the anticipation was harder than the event.

After the morning church service I visited Heather's grave which was understandably emotional. I had a meal in the afternoon with my sister and their husbands followed by an evening with Heather's family. So Christmas day itself wasn't too difficult. Our Christmases when we married first were hectic with 7 of Heather's family coming for lunch. Over the years that dwindled to just ourselves.

On Boxing Day I had a Christmas meal on my own with a mini turkey joint and a Christmas pudding. I watched Ghostbusters which Heather and I watched together in 1987 as a recently engaged couple on Boxing Day. We were married 3 months later, no long engagement for us. I completed the evening watching Matthew Bourne's Nutcracker and Death in Paradise. Heather would have enjoyed them all. I drank a half bottle of champagne as I watched, remembering Heather. We usually had a bottle of bubbly on Christmas Day after everything was cleared up.

Our Boxing Days initially involved having my parents round for leftovers, more recently it involved some of Heather's friends coming round. Because of COVID and Heather's illness that didn't happen the last couple of years.

Saturday is the anniversary of Heather's passing. I will visit the grave and my sister has offered to spend some time with me. Since my mother's passing away 5 years ago New Year's Day has always been very quiet anyway and we never made much fuss over Hogmanay, so there are no big memories there.

Wishing everyone a very Happy New Year.

Written by

Scottishlad

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26 Replies

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sylvi3 months ago

Wishing you a peaceful new year darling. xxxx

Mmrr3 months ago

It sounds as if you managed well. Have a peaceful new year Scottishlad.

Pippy253 months ago

Thank you for sharing this with us Scottishlad and for recalling those precious memories of Heather and times together. All the best to you.

Scottishlad3 months ago

It is getting easier to remember the good times. Though tears still come easily.

nomoreheels3 months ago

It sounds as though you coped quite well Cecil. I'm pleased you were with company for Christmas dinner, I think that would be the worst bit for me. The first year will understandably always be difficult, especially with Heather dying around the Christmas period. Shed those tears, it serves to show how much you loved her. x

medway-lady3 months ago

Your post whilst sad is moving as it is full of remembered good times. I am sure that in time the memories will bring comfort and that you will find peace in the Lord. x

Green2304613 months ago

Happy Christmas to you you are a very brave soul! It is good that you were able to have some of your Christmas traditions still and might start new ones next year.

The time we have is short and powerful happy memories get you through it all. Start thinking about he you can do things next year early on so your loved ones know what you would like.

Happy New Year to you and a healthy 2023 🥳

Scottishlad3 months ago

I think it is important for me not to avoid things we did together. Some people try to protect themselves by avoiding painful memories even if it means not doing things they loved. The first time I went a favourite cafe, or one of our a regular walks, on my own it was difficult but it has got easier. I'm starting to find it easier to remember the good times now. To start with I really struggled to remember the special times.

Fruitandnutcase3 months ago

You have done very well Scottishlad, it must have been difficult for you although as you say over the year you must have had lots of ‘firsts’ to cope with.

I still have my husband but I remember when my mother died - at first I could only remember the horrible parts of her in being hospital and then gradually like you I was able to remember the good and funny things about growing up with her and now the good times are the ones I remember.

All the best for 2023 and we’ll be thinking of you on Saturday.

HappykindaGal3 months ago

Often the anticipation is worse than the event itself. It doesn’t help that Christmas goes on for months on end. Adverts full of happy families which isn’t the reality for everyone by a long shot. Having no family at all, this is always a difficult time of the year for me. The lady I would spend Christmas with passed very recently too so I bought yummy food and dossed about on the sofa. Next year, I’ve booked to go to Barbados to avoid it completely.

Memories are precious gifts and it’s a privilege to have been loved so well that their passing is so painful. You were married for a long time and it will take a long time for your loss to feel less raw.

Matthew Bournes Nutcracker is pure magic! If you get a chance to see Swan Lake, do go. It’s absolutely amazing.

Sheila_G3 months ago

Such a difficult time for you. I hope you find some peace in 2023. God bless.

Scottishlad in reply to Sheila_G3 months ago

Matthew Bourne's take on ballet is always interesting. I've seen Swan Lake. Scottish Ballet's Highland Fling is brilliant if you ever get chance.

Fra22-573 months ago

My condolences to you.The first Xmas,birthday,anniversary ,passing is the hardest and the run upto it is fearing and not wanting with such pain but this will get less and less.You never forget them but the loss softens on the edges.My son was killed a few months ago and I didn’t think my daughter in law would get through this Xmas with her two young girls after the loss of a child 10 years previous .We visit often.She is staying with her parents for now.Yesterday we had a lovely day with her and the girls at my late son’s brothers with his sisters etc.It is good to get together and she talks freely about him.She has been really brave.You sound like you have close family around you as she does and seeing them will help you so much.You sound like you are looking after yourself too which I commmend as I don’t think I would be able to if on my own but we are all different.It helps to talk so always talk about her as it helps the healing

smilelines3 months ago

Healing love and light .

helenlw73 months ago

Thank you for sharing your Christmas with us. It sounds as if you have a caring family around you. Sending you wishes for a peaceful new year.

janmary3 months ago

wishing you peace and happy loving memories for the New Year

Knit123 months ago

Grief is a strange thing. It creeps up on us at strange times often unexpected, but we have to take each day as it comes. It is good to remember those we have lost, to talk about them, to look at photos and remember. We never forget. It’s important we allow ourselves to grieve and for others to give us the time we need. Days, months and years may pass but we never forget.

Sending you a virtual hug, and hoping you take each day as it comes x

DelicateInput3 months ago

It must have been very difficult being surrounded by memories and everything is still very raw.

In future years, you might find it easier to go to the pub on Christmas day and a panto on boxing day or possibly go away as it will be something different. There are some good singles holidays abroad including cruises for Christmas and the New Year, and there are hotel breaks for a few days for singles in the UK.

A lot of people find it comforting to have cat or a dog though they can be quite a tie.

A friend of mine lost her husband very suddenly in February 2020, just as the pandemic was about to start and she found the first Christmas holed up because of lockdown tortuous. She did not have any children and her closest relatives (cousins) are in Australia. She set up some on-line meetings with them. She has gone to Spain this year with a neighbour of a similar age. I spent one Christmas in Australia and it really takes your mind off things - and comes without all the hassle.

Your post reminds me of the poem that Shirley Williams' mother wrote about the loss of her fiance in WW1 and having to be all alone at Christmas and New Year. It was very difficult to socialise in those days. It was very moving and inspired her to set up CND.

With the new year coming, it might help to think of some things to do for poignant occasions like Christmas. At least you managed the first Christmas.

Pulfs3 months ago

sending hugs to you ❤️

dippyd093 months ago

Wishing you a peaceful New Year. I admire the way you are remembering your wife, memories are good as they bring both laughter and tears. It’s a wonderful way to remember your lives together and holds up her memory. With all blessings for the coming year.

Mumcon3 months ago

Glad you got through it ok I lost my husband 11weeks ago It’s not easy. I spent Christmas with my daughters and my grandchildren so it was lovely being with them New year doesn’t bother me much. I wish you well in the New Year and everyone else on this group

Scottishlad in reply to Mumcon3 months ago

Glad you got through Christmas, good to have family to support you. Sadly Heather and I were not blessed with children. I have my sisters and a number good friends and other relatives who have been there for me when I needed them.