Sorry this seems to be my only topic at the moment.
My father goes to the same surgery as myself and after ringing and getting no answer he took himself off the surgery . He asked to be seen thought it was his heart 🙄. He didn’t recognise our senior Gp he had Aged years was very thin and looked ill .
Gp said there is only 3 of them now 3 left . They often have students or 3/4 prereg. They were all deployed during the crisis and no replacements as studies were deferred. Now things make more sense.
My dad hasn’t had much company the last 10 days or so and he won’t go looking for company he could but wants us to do it all and accompany him. He worked himself up thinking his heart was playing up ( he finds something to mentally latch on to to get attention) he’s rang me several times about a pain in his side but I know his tactics 😉 nothing wrong with him but I told him he had added more work to an over worked Gp so he’s going private so he can see a Gp when he wants 🤷♀️ pity that Gp.😂
It's looking as though the GP system in some areas is in meltdown and the surgeries just can't cope. Those of us who have internet access/savvy are encouraged to use the e-consult or 111 service but for older people who struggle to get appointments when they phone up perhaps just turning up at the surgery is their only option.It doesn't help of course if there really isn't anything wrong with them and they are lonely or just want attention.
They say on the answer message before you get put through that you cannot turn up without an appointment at our place. I think you’d be turned away. Told to go to A&E at the hospital two miles down the road.
How very sad it is that our surgeries haven’t the time of day for our old folk anymore. They’ve done so much work all their lives and all they want is a little bit of tender loving care . I think it’s very sad, and disgusting . I tried myself three times to get hold of a doctor in July , no luck, I’m 69 and I found it distressing. So how must it feel if your 79, 89, or 99
My mum is 100 this month. She cannot use the phone system so I do it for her also e consult. Over the past three years her health has been neglected by gp practice resulting in hospital admissions. How on earth can the gp diagnose over the phone. Her last admission I called for an ambulance….no luck with the GP. She had severe anaemia and was treated for this in hospital. I was chasing repeat blood tests for this with no luck. Problem with eyes, prescribed eye drops on all occasions gp refused to visit. My mum is housebound. Managed to get an optician to visit, referred to eye hospital , quick appointment , seen by consultant eye problem much much better. Sorry for the long post but I have psoriatic arthritis and this all adds to the stress !
Hello Jan , thank you for your reply . I feel sorry for you and your mum. When my mum was alive my sister and I had the same stress of getting her the right help she needed . I miss my mum now she’s gone but at least I know I done the best possible for her. I’m sure your doing all that you can.So doctors are a nightmare. I have an ongoing pain in my bladder, because my urine tests are negative nobody will prescribe me with antibiotics. And no call from doctor at all . I have been poorly for a whole month. I will try once more tomorrow. I’m going to weee. Every hour sometimes half an hour. I do wish you and your mum some improvements soon . Have you tried Aged Concern ? It’s very scary to think we are on our own with these issues
Thanks for reply. My mum has care 4x a day and the agency are fantastic . Like you I have ongoing problems. I started a new biologic and I had a flare of my diverticulitis. Scan came back ok so radiology said to have further investigation where I experience the pain. No help from GP. I then did a time line of 3 months to the practise manager and lo and behold an appointment next day. Still not a lot of help had no idea re my meds.My rheum meds have been put on hold so now experiencing a flare. I feel your pain and frustration you shouldn’t be in pain like that or having to wee constantly. I am sure you have no regrets over the care you gave your mum and I hope when my mums time comes I can say the same. Take care and if you can let me know how you get on. Xx
Yes I will keep in touch. I know diverticulitis is very painful as my sister gets that. I feel tempted to ring 111 this afternoon because of the pain paracetamol isn’t helping. Whatever can you and I do ? I don’t know . I’m 69 , age doesn’t help either . Also like you have all the other pains too. But I think the bladder is a worry . I will hand in another urine sample in the morning to gp if I survive xxx
My friend who suffers from a lot of urine infections buys dip sticks from the internet to test for infections. If the stick shows infection she will contact the surgery. Maybe it’s worth a try ? X
That’s a very good idea Jan . Last night I had to call 111 as I was in agony. I ended up in A & E for 4 hours . Have come home with antibiotics . It’s odd the way some of us get these infections and other people are lucky not to get them . 😊
Oh no I do hope he isn’t going to give you the runaround again. 🤨. Hope it is a case of wanting to see people rather than being genuinely unwell. I do recall the things you posted before what he said to you and his tactics to get earlier vaccines. 😳 x
Mmm… he has muscles pain. I was bad the other week but rang him every other day . The grave yard where my mother is buried is less than 1/2 a mile he pops in there every Sunday but he never called in to see me or ring me .x
Part of it but he relied on her socially and she spoilt him. Even when cancer took hold she would drag herself out of bed at 2 in the morning to watch boxing either in a pub or even at home . People he knew very well would he there including my brother but he wouldn’t go on his own . He didn’t like her talking to other men so she would just sit there . She had no voice due to throat cancer . You wouldn’t believe he’s a successful business man and is still active in investing money . He just gets everyone else to do it for him.
Yes sounds like he was spoiled from your Mum💗 Gosh .. her getting out of bed at 2am?? 😑 It is strange when you see people who are very much in control of their working life but can’t cope with the social side. x
There are lots of places where he could find some company, and perhaps even volunteer himself to help others. A shame. Must be hard for you to bite your tongue!
Oh you can’t believe it . He will only golf with one person who has Parkinson he’s amazing because he really struggles only plays once a week if it’s inclement weather/ or a bad day he can’t . There have been days where you pull a name out of a hat and they are your partner . He wont go there are card drives etc. The manager of the golf course runs the club house and said she would make sure even if he’s on his own she will sit with him and introduce people he won’t go . We have gone to dinner and dances with him but it’s not for me and my siblings who want our own social life. He’s been invited to join other tables not a chance 🙄now my nephew (17) will stay over night and play golf on a Saturday morning but he needs his own social life and now feels pressured to go . Constantly says I’m lonely or you don’t want to spend all your time with your husbands you will regret it when they die as you need other company but what he means is he wants us to take him out . I can say no but my sister couldn’t ( that’s changed but still does more than she should). Lunches restaurants at the weekend. Etc it’s hard
It must be hard when you can’t see too much in him to like at times. Seems difficult to find a balance to what is acceptable to you both re social contact. I hope you can find some way to compromise and not have to feel pressured. Your husband is very important too. x
Our GP surgery until retirements and was sold had 5 full time experienced Doctors plus locums filling in for holidays and such. Now there are only 3 plus students and inexperienced fill ins. Last year they took on 26,000 new patients with no extra Doctors, it is now a nightmare trying to make contact by phone, usually over an hour in the mornings. With a two week wait to see your own listed Doctor. If you get through before 10.00 you will get a phone call next day.
That is difficult. All those new patients and no extra docs. You get a call back same day at ours within a couple of hours from a doctor but no idea how long to wait to see anyone. I know before last March it was often over a week to see certain doctors, and my preferred doc was usually booked up for a month as she was so popular. Best thing to do was phone at 8am for an access appointment and get an approximate time to attend and wait if it was something that could not wait. It is the phone triage system now so you have not to go down unless you have an appointment. You could add your name to a list for cancellations but that relied on a good admin person phoning your back. We have 4 female docs and recently a guy added but one female is part time. There is a nurse who can prescribe too. She does early mornings and evenings so they do try and a team of 5 nurses.
I know just how hard it is when a parent is like that. My Dad was just the same. When he really couldn't manage (even with carers coming in four times daily) and he had to go into a home, we found him a really nice one with plenty of other people of his own age for company. When we took him along there, we spent a long time with him, settling him in and showing him where we had put everything. As we arrived home (about 15 minutes after leaving), the phone was ringing and it was him to ask where some old birthday cards had been put. He only had to open a few drawers to find them.
He would ring up and say that he hadn't had any company, when there was so much company there and entertainments he could go to but he didn't want that, he wanted people to go to him. It was a nightmare and we never really found a solution. I am rather sorry to say that I once just put the phone down on him, when I was in bed with a chest infection and it was snowing outside and he was moaning that I hadn't gone to see him for a few days.
As to doctors, it is so hard to actually see or talk to one of ours now. There used to be 8 doctors there and now there are 5 and all of them only work part time. I have so many issues I need to talk to them about but can't get to see them. I did actually get an appointment with one last week and managed to say 4 things, I needed to say more but didn't like to do so. One of the worries is that I have found a lump and the doctor put me on the 2 week pathway. That was last Monday and I have an appointment to see the specialist this coming Monday, so it is a good thing that I managed to see a doctor.
Finding a lump is terrifying isn't it? Please try not to worry. Easier said than done I know but it's only a couple of days to wait now. Sending healing thoughts and warm hugs
Oh good luck Monday. Let’s us know how you get on.. what a worry it’s hard trying not to.
Yes I do feel appointments are rushed when we eventually get one .
You hit the nail on the head . Everyone has to go to him . My sister in London invites him down. We will put him on a train she will meet him . No go ..
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Thank you J1707. I have written to three of my close friends to tell them about it as I needed to talk to someone, but none of them have writen back. Oh well maybe I have more friends on here.
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Just let it out on here . I too found people more supportive on here . Your not on your own xx
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Thank you, I am sitting at the computer trying the stop the tears from flowing. It all seems so unfair. People say that I get one thing after another, but I don't, I get them all together. So many health problems that I think people will be thinking that I imagine it all.
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I hear you . I only said to my sister yesterday. Everything sets each other off . Hormones /sweats all over the place sets fibro off and vice a versa which means i stiffen up and it effects RA then the Sicca kicks in and now neuropathy there is just never a break and the little things like thrush or cramps it is a continual bad day. RA is much better but hardly notice with everything else.x
I am calling it ping pong at the moment as I bounce around like a ping pong from one thing to another and land up confused about what us happening........dragging my blankie (weighted) around like Lisa Simpson
Good luck holly-willow , I’m sure you will be alright tomorrow . Yes your right , some absolutely lovely people write on this site and it is just like having very good friends to talk with . My love to you 😊 xxx
After I phoned 111 they sent me to A & E I’ve been here hours now . Urine is positive . Just waiting for a doctor for a prescription . I’m in Bexhill on sea . It’s not a very good place not like Hillingdon where I came from xxx
It was a good thing that you phoned 111 then as you are now going to have a prescription. I turned 70 a few months ago so am about the same age as you are. Perhaps they think we are not worth bothering about at our age. I hope you feel much better soon. xx
I remember you've mentioned your dad before, and if I can be honest, he does sound like a very difficult person. It can be so exhausting having to deal with that on top of everything else. I'm pleased to hear you are wise to his manipulations - some people get very clever in their methods!
My elderly aunt (94) died in March. Prior to that, she had become very difficult and demanding (never the easiest of people). She had my cousin (her daughter) and my aunt (her sister), running around after her constantly. She said a lot of mean things to her daughter too. That's aside from the constant day and night phone calls to both of them when she would just say "get here now" and put the phone down, and the ongoing "I haven't seen anyone" when she had seen various family members. Those examples are just the tip of the iceberg! Unfortunately, they had pandered to her more and more over the previous 10 years, and in some ways help create a bit of a monster (if you know what I mean). By the time she died, my aunt and cousin (who still works f/t), were utterly exhausted, depressed and almost at breaking point. (This was with carers too for the last year or so). You have to put boundaries in place and stick to them - for your own health and well-being. Please don't give in to his pressure xxx
Thanks K I am wise to him and I won’t feel pressured by him but I do feel guilty for my sister who is truly a saint with a giant heart. She has her own family and a husband not in the best of health . He had stomach cancer and life isn’t easy for him so my sister has that worry . My sister runs her own business but still drives up and down the motor way every day sometimes twice a day and has him for Sunday lunch. I have invited him for Sunday lunch but we don’t eat until about 6 as my son has training . He is not prepared to eat a Sunday meal a few hours later. I have asked in the past to come and watch my son compete . Lots of other grandparents there . No not a way to spend a Saturday night but if we asked him to go for a meal or the pub he would say yes , not speak to us all night as he can’t hear in crowds won’t wear an aid ( doesn’t need one-he says). My son Has been competing 11years and he’s never seen him swim.x
Very hurtful. What a shame for your son. I know he has a lot of support with his swimming from you and your hubby though - that's what matters. It all sounds so horribly familiar. Amazing how often those kind of people seem to use very similar tac-tics. All very reminiscent of my aunt. The one person she wasn't rude to, play up for, or phone endlessly was her middle daughter. That's because she's quite a difficult person herself and had no truck with her mother's behaviour. They really can sense who will do what they want and manipulate them endlessly. You have to be very strong not to get sucked in to it all. Your poor sister - I really feel for her. She will be sucked dry if she's not careful. As if she hasn't got enough to cope with. I don't suppose he gives a second thought to that? My aunt wouldn't. She would just say "what about me?" Impossible! I hope she doesn't wear herself out. These situations can go on for years xx
I had to pull back from my mum after my step father died and I developed RA (within 2 years of each other). I am an only child. My mum struggles to cope on her own, not because of health, but because she has had someone to do everything for her all her life, like changing batteries/lightbulbs/using a tin opener....I could go on. She just yelled "Tom" (my step father) and he went running and did whatever she wanted.
When he died, she expected me to do a 3 and a half round journey every week to undertake the tasks she couldn't do. I was working at the time.
Then I became unwell. I'm rarely in her house now, it is a hard drive along remote country roads, which I just can't do it anymore without being unwell for a day or two afterwards.
I call her everyday which I find mentally draining, her negativity is overwhelming at times. "I don't have any one to do things for me " is her mantra.
I undertook 3 sessions of 'counselling' just prior to lockdown to discuss my issues concerning her and her expectations of me which I found helped me to realise that I am not responsible for her happiness.
It has been hard, but I have had to retreat for my own health sake.
Suggestions that she moves nearer her family, me, her sister, grandchildren result in arguments from her...she is old and we should visit her, we all live within an hour of each other, mum is the outlier.
Sometimes you just have to step back and let it happen.
Morning. I would call her once a week. She is not your responsibility. I cut all contact with mine half a lifetime ago. It was the best decision I have ever made in my life. You will never be good enough/ you are selfish if you don’t put HER needs first etc etc. You Really do not need this. She has to learn to lump it. Sounds harsh to people with lovely parents… they have no idea!! And definitely do not understand how lucky they are…. if she needs ‘help’ do a social services referral …. Xx
I know I'll never be good enough, I'm kinda reconciled to that. I feel sorry and responsible for her, but I know I'm not (heart over head).
She is never stuck and asks others, almost strangers to do things for her...and most do...it is unbelievable.
The most recent is asking her podiatrist's husband to drive her a 90 mile round trip to visit her elderly housebound brother, this was several weeks ago during the height of Covid. The podiatrist happened to mention her husband had retired, mum had never met him. The man did do it, mum thought it ok as she offered him petrol money.
My mum has been dependent all of her life, as a child and teenager I had lists and lists of tasks to do when I came whome from school, I just did them as it's what you did. I didn't realise how dependent she was until I was an adult myself and realised that she could not cope without others doing for her. Then she married my step father, a lovely man, he and I had a good relationship. He covered up a lot. It's only now that I am unwell myself that I am fully aware of how little she can actually do. I visited her at the beginning of my RA 'journey' , ill, both thumbs in splints and I was asked to hang photos on the wall for her....hammer and photograph hooks on the table waiting for me. When I showed her my hands and explained again I was unwell I was met with "well I can't do it".
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