Anxiety off topic

[Carolsos]

Hi guys well at last my partner has got an appointment with the oncologist next week and hopefully will be starting treatment. It has taken about 6 weeks or more to get to this stage. He looks ok and I still cannot believe he is ill apart from the big weight loss. He has said he is more fatigued and he gets tired more. His outlook is try and live like normal and it's the circle of life! I am not like that and am finding it so hard to carry on as normal. I am still working and I have days when I push it away from my mind and work. He is very practical and is organising and getting things in place for when he dies. I am having major panic attacks and having flares, my hands are constantly swollen, my stomach is killing and knotted up. I feel sick,I can't sleep and have about 4/5 hours sleep, then am shattered for work. I asked him to move in with me which he has for the past 5 weeks. He was suppose to be selling his place but now his daughter is going to take it on and he will move into my flat permanent very soon. I just cannot stop crying. I am an absolute mess and this is just not me. I am normally in control and I know it's all out of my control! I have to ring up my landlord to see if I can put my partner on the lease and that is worrying me too but my guy said if I can't get him on the lease he will just stay with his daughter. I am just so sick with worry. Do you think it's worth going to the doctor's for this anxiety? I just don't know what to do. My guy had an optician appointment and they say he has something coming away from his eye and now he has an emergency appointment on 2nd July at the hospital to hopefully sort it out. They say he could lose his sight in one eye if it's not sorted promptly. Thanks guys, sorry it's a long rant! Hope your all well and take care. Carol

[janmary]

It might help to het in contact with your local specialist cancer support nurses- his hospital would know how a service is organised in your area. They are there to help families as well as patients.Best wishes and thoughts to you

[vonniesims in reply to janmary]

Talk to your GP. I know it is easier said than done, and also macmillan , Big hugs for you

[sylvi]

Speak to your dr darling. xxxx

[helenlw7]

You need to look after yourself so that you’re best able to look after your partner, so try and get an appointment with your gp. Thinking of you.

[weathervane]

Macmillan helpline is great , staff are lovely, should be able to give you advice and support. My thoughts are with you both xx

[Mmrr]

Such a difficult situation, but positive news that your partners treatment is moving forward. You do need to look after yourself too, your GP should be able to help. Best wishes to you all.

[Boxerlady]

I would say yes, go to the doctor and ask for something to help you through this difficult patch - I say patch because hopefully things WILL improve as his treatment starts 🤞I had an anxiety meltdown several years ago due to problems with my elderly Mum and my lovely hubby took me to the GP who said that we needed to stop it in it's tracks (had some anxiety problems previously but HRT had sorted that out) before it took hold and then think about how to go forward and gave me Diazepam which helped with the panic attacks. A few days later hubby had a stroke (not related, thank goodness) and the Diazepam helped me through the first few weeks. Once he was home and things were settling down (although I was still caring for Mum as well as him) the GP suggested trying something more "long-term". I fought it initially and tried counseling and mindfulness but they didn't help enough and my sleep was awful so I started Mirtazapine and it was a life-saver. I'm still on a half dose just for the sleeping effects and always have Diazepam in the cupboard although rarely take it.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with reaching out for help when you need it and I kick myself for not doing it sooner as it enabled me to cope much better and to support my husband and Mum as I wanted to.

I did find that the 3 2 1 anxiety exercise helped too - don't know if you've seen my post about that? - but such huge life events sometimes means that we need to get out the big guns.

Sending you lots of love and positive thoughts - please keep posting and let us hold your hand through this 💐

[lucymead]

Oh I am so sad for you. You must contact Hospital pallitive care unit . they can give you loads of help and access to many other things. Marie Curie cancer care are excellant too. You also speak to Gp in person don't let them put u off seeing someone. I have been in your position and you need time and space to Calm down go to your favourite walking place either on your own or with partner and listen to each other. Any time you need a chat you can talk to me if you need to. offline also. big hug thinking of you both

[springcross]

Hi Carol. I agree with a couple of comments on here about Macmillan Cancer Support and Marie Curie, I'm sure they would be of help to you both. Have a chat to your GP too about your anxiety. My heart goes out to you both for what you're going through. Thinking of you. xx

[julie1908]

My heart really does go out to you .. we are going through this same thing with my father in law but unfortunately for him there is no treatment they can give him 😞 I would definitely go to your Dr’s as you really do have to look after yourself Xx

[Gnarli]

I'm so sorry to hear that you're both going through this horrible time. I can't better the excellent advice you've already had but wanted to offer my heartfelt sympathy. Sending huge hugs to you both

[medway-lady]

I think it's a difficult situation but stay practical and make sure he gets all the support he is entitled too and needs both financially and emotionally. It will be hard so don't dismiss the anxiety as abnormal because it probably is actually normal in this type of situation. I think you could ask about end of life counselling and even see if there is a local support group. Often the medical team put you in touch will the right type of Cancer Group to talk to others in the same situation. I'd say there is no right or wrong but just as it is. The questions about tenancy are difficult as if he moves in and your on benefit it may mean a change in your entitlement and it is very unlikely that a person who is a temporary resident would be listed as a co tenant in case something happened to you and he was alive so would perhaps get sole tenancy. So it is vital you get good professional advice as those are just my first observations and you need proper informed help. I'd see about a welfare rights organisation or CAB or do Macmillan offer any advice, either way best of luck and it is such a heart rending situation.

[Carolsos]

Thank you for your reply I feel like I have just had the rug pulled from under me today I rang up to see if my partner could go on the lease and she said since the landlord is selling and he has been for the last 2 years but selling the flat as a tenant still being in the flat, he has now changed his mind and want me to get out. I have not been officially given my 2 month's marching orders but it's just a matter of time. I am frantically looking and there is nothing that I can afford now!!! So instead of Jim coming to me I will have to go to him until I get something else. His daughter is now moving back home to the house with all her family! I so didn't want to move in into the house. What a nightmare. Thanks guys for listening.

[Mmrr in reply to Carolsos]

I'm so sorry to hear of this.

[Hidden]

Morning. I would chat to your GP and get some mental health support. This is a lot. X

I would also phone Shelter. You may be able to apply for social housing once you receive your eviction notice. I would research Housing Association properties in your area, and look at their criteria. They often have their own waiting lists.