Hi guys, I am sat here as going to work in half a hour and it's all got too much for me! Jim's cancer, work, lack of support! Just rang Samaritan and not answering, Macmillan closed. So as I just want to talk I thought of you all. It all seems rather overwhelmeding with this support and fitting work around it. I stayed at Jim's Monday through to Friday and I work Monday to Friday. His daughter was supposed to be staying here too but not seen her since Monday and she doesn't have a job. She has applied for carer allowance as she doesn't have a job" she is a carer" .
So I go out at 5.30 am and am back by 12 noon and I have said every week I am out on Thursdays as I see my sister, I need some space without rushing around!! Is that unreasonable? His son came to take Jim out yesterday to see the hospice and Jim is going once a week as a day visitor. For the next few weeks! His daughter was supposed to be coming in the mornings after I go to work to stay with Jim but no one is coming and he is on his own! Until I come home. Work is very busy and I am constantly watching the clock to finish on time to rush back! It's absolutely stressing me out. And now my shoulders are playing up and am seeing occupational health very soon, another worry! I am always tired!! It's not just the looking after Jim, but it's the housework, washing preparing and decided what food to cook! I asked his son if his daughter was coming today and he says put it in the chat!!! So nothing has been sorted and I am left on my own again with everything!! Just feeling guilty and tired!!
I am very worried about work and very emotional, if anyone says anything to me I literally burst into tears!! His son has 2 little kids his daughter has a partner family with pets and I have Jim, so they each chat to said partners about everything. I have 2 sister who u chat about with but they are very busy too. My daughter I talk to but again a very busy woman and my son cannot get hold of him. His son only comes around if he needs an appointment and doesn't help in the house or attempt to cook him anything!! I could go on but I now have to go to work once again!!! Am sorry about the rant. Take care everyone. 🙂
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Carolsos
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I am so sorry that it is like this for you. A chain of events and things I struggle to get my head around the awfulness you’re having to cope with. May I suggest you go to your gp and unload this all into their lap and hold nothing back. Ask them for an urgent adult care assessment and make it clear you are collapsed. Also try the Samaritans again whenever you need it. I am very sorry to hear no one answered. You’re a strong woman to have managed to keep going through all of this.
So sorry to hear how tired and stressed you are. Its a heavy load to carry.
Perhaps you could talk to the hospice staff about how you’re feeling . They may have the wrong impression of how things are working for your partner’s care and how you’re feeling, and may be able to offer more support.
And you need to speak to your GP - do you have the same GP as your partner ?
You have so much on your shoulders Carol and need help. Keep trying the Samaritans and Macmillan and I agree about contacting your GP too. Good luck. x
In addition to what others have suggested is there a 'sitting in' service in your area who could come, say like today and just be with Jim until you can get home or be used to give you some 'time out/ time to rest?' I know they helped my dad/ and me when he was caring for my terminally ill mum and then me when I was caring for dad. My heart sinks to hear you struggling and it also goes out to you and Jim. xx
What an awful lot of things for you to be dealing with on your own. It is very unfair that your partner’s family are not more supportive. Goodness knows how you are managing to work with all of this and your own health issues too. As others have said maybe reaching out to the GP for some help for you both as there are social prescribers who are attached to certain GP surgery’s who can help short term for you and your partner and signpost to relevant services for support for you both too. I hope that you can get in touch with Macmillan nurses again too as this is just too much for you to be dealing with on your own. I am unsure how supportive your employer is or if you would get paid if you had some time out of work. Thinking of you and please do come on here and message us anytime won’t you? Gentle hugs x
Hi Carolsos, Sorry to hear about your situation, please do not forget that you have the NRAS helpline, if you would like someone to talk to, our freephone helpline number is 0800 298 7650, and we are open Monday to Friday, 09.30-16.30, Amy NRAS
they stepped up when you went away I think you have to be tough and say 3 days a week minimum you need to stay at your place. You are no good to Jim if I’ll and no good to yourself.
If she wants the carer allowance she does actually need to do things.
Be tough tell Jim your plan give them 3 days notice and just do it. I bet Jim will understand and no questions asked and no guilt trip.
I’m pretty late in joining this post. Hopefully some of the suggestions made by the others have helped and you’ve been able to make contact with someone who can support you. Don’t forget that you are a real treasure and Jim must be so glad he’s got you to care for him. It must have been an awful shock for you though when on top of all that’s happening the Samaritans didn’t answer. I do think the daughter needs to step up - especially as she doesn’t work or have other responsibilities - if she wants a carers allowance she needs to do some caring.
Anyway, sending you my very kindest wishes for all the good they’ll do. But (((big hugs))) to you. x
Thank you everyone for listening and caring. There are some good comments. It was just good to get it written down off my chest! I have since spoken to his kids and said after today I won't be back until Monday night now. I am having some time with my sister and a little bit of retail therapy! Thanks again.
Oh Carol so sorry I have just seen this! It's good that you reached out on here when you couldn't get other help. It is good to get it off your chest, I know from a couple of weeks ago when hubby was feeling the same as you are! You need time away from it all, easier said than done but I see you were going for some retail therapy, that's a great thing to do, even if it's just window shopping its a change. Go and see your GP and take what you have written above. You don't have to say too much then and go over it all again. Ring NRAS as suggested. The daughter is totally out of order and needs sorting out. Hopefully you'll get hold of Macmillan and they can put help in place for you. Keep posting. We are here for you. Sending strength and gentle hugs to you. Xxx
sending lots of hugs !!! Definitely keep trying the Samaritans and go to your GP as soon as possible ! I can’t imagine what you’re going through but you sound like a lovely strong woman - keep us all posted please 💖
Hi Carolsos. You sound like a lovely, caring person. Health problems can make us all emotional. You have the double whammy with your husband having the evil c word. That’s why this forum can really help. You need to tell Jim’s daughter to pull her finger out. She’s not pulling her weight. She obviously knows you have your own health crap to deal with. I bet Jim doesn’t like feeling like a burden either. I agree with other people. Keep trying the Samaritans. Also contact your gp. Maybe there’s something they could put you on, TEMPORARILY!! Be gentle on yourself. You’re going through a very emotional time. Make time for a cuppa & a hobknob! Good luck. X
Carol, dear Carol, I am in the United States and frequent this site only occasionally but wanted you to know how your plight touched me. What struck me most was the "rush, rush, rush" aspect of your life right now. We've all been there at one time and in one form or another. But we've all discovered that at some point the frenzy comes to an end. I remember being younger and pulled in so many directions and looking with envy at old ladies. And one day my life slowed down. Yours will too. So many people here are carrying your burden with you; I hope that comforts and grounds you.
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