Off topic - On being assaulted

[Sebastian247]

Hi there. In December last year I was seriously assaulted by a neighbours son. I posted about it a while after and received lots of very supportive replies that I was so grateful for.I thought I'd update on the outcome, as it's been something of a learning experience for me and my wife.

The assault took place outside our back door and on our driveway. All but the very start was witnessed by my wife and she called 999 as the assault was ongoing. The assailant attacked me three times, allowing me to get up in between, before resuming the assault.

The attack consisted of him dragging me and pinning me to the ground, repeatedly strangling me so I couldn't breathe, dragging me along the ground, banging my head of the concrete, throwing me against my wife's car and shoving my face in hawthorn hedge. I attended MIU for bruised ribs and the police photographed my injuries.

The police took six weeks to interview him. He claimed he had come to talk to me and I had come at him, arms flailing and he had been acting in self defence. All total lies.

We had no cctv, and my wife phoned 999 and was unable to film it as well.

Having investigated the police said they could take no action against him because my wife is not an impartial witness and there were no independent witnesses or video of the incident.

We requested that decision was reviewed, which it was by another more senior officer but the outcome was the same. No action could be taken due to a lack of independent witnesses or video.

The trigger of the attack was my throwing leaves back that my assailant had raked up from his mother's lawn and thrown into our garden. We've had years of abuse and vandalism to our garden from him and other family members which we have reported previously, to no avail.

He was told by the police no action would be taken against him, but also told throwing leaves into our garden was illegal and classed as fly tipping. This has not stopped him from doing it again since assaulting me. The police have advised us not to throw them back, in case this triggers another assault. He comes to his mother's house two or three times a week, so we have to see him regularly.

So violence and lying wins. And we are expected to just let him do as he pleases to our property.

We have now installed cameras which hasn't been cheap. The police advice is to try and film him doing anything to our property to build up evidence and they may in the future consider it harassment and intimidation.

Since the assault I've been very, very depressed, and have frequent awful anxiety attacks, which cause me to shake uncontrollably and feel terrified and sick. Especially when he is there.

I did see a counsellor on the NHS to try and get help with my mental health (sadly I have a history of serious depression and anxiety). But the counsellor has been off sick for the last two months so that support is not accessible at the moment. It has taken 5 months for me to feel able to post this.

The suggestion that I should feel able to film him, whilst feeling as anxious as I do shows just how unrealistic the police are.

So my advice to anyone in a similar situation is to film the incident if possible if you don't have cctv. And phone the police after. It is especially important to try and capture the start of any incident, otherwise the police may still not act on the video evidence.

And remember family and close friends will most likely not be considered impartial witnesses, so their testimony will not count.

It's a terrible state of affairs and we feel totally let down and my mental health has seriously suffered and is ongoing.

Sorry for the long post. But I thought however unlikely, sharing our experience might be helpful to any person unfortunate enough to find themselves in a similar situation

Thanks.

Seb.

[Hidden]

Have you reported this to the council/ housing association? They can take action if your neighbour is a tenant (tenants are responsible for their guests); but the Council can anyway I believe.

Diary keeping is all you can do in these instances. It is the same for domestic violence/ noise nuisance. It needs to be provable in a court of law. It is also why sexual offenders are constantly let off. You are viewed as a ‘witness’ not a ‘victim’.

My next door neighbour screamed ‘Fk Off’ in my face last year, and I was in a right state for months. It has taken a year for me to be able to go into my front garden without having panic attacks. I had always had good relations with them, so it was shock as much as anything.

He has never apologised, so I left his name off their Christmas card. He retaliated by telling his children never to speak to me and didn’t give them their Christmas presents… His partner (my friend?!) was really happy to receive them.

I didn’t know about the above til about Feb and was really upset. I have always given the kids presents at Christmas (2&5) and bought his partner flowers after giving birth (history of miscarriages). It still upsets me when I think about it

This abusive kind of behaviour is not ok, and mine was verbal assault, not physical. People are appalling and don't care/ realise what negative effects they have on people.

I’m sorry you have had to go through this. Get landlords involved if possible. Keep a log book. Go through your texts / emails/ diary and do a chronological list of the past few years. Include any agencies involved… police/ GP/ hospital etc

[Neonkittie17 in reply to Hidden]

Yes good point. A diary is essential.. I keep a note of The Munsters’ activity on my phone notes. Dates and times. Photos if possible. If other neighbours can do the same, even better. x

[Sebastian247 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for your message. Your experience was awful, especially when you had such a good relationship beforehand.

I really can relate to how you feel, the shock upset, disappointment and anxiety. I'm so sorry he has been so mean and abusive to you.

What can I say....when we moved in, 22 years ago we had a one year old and the second born in the house a few months after. The neighbour (elderly lady) has been hostile to us since we moved in. And because we refused to be bullied its just got worse over the years.

If only someone like you had been our neighbour. To have a neighbour so kind, to buy the kids presents at Christmas. I can only dream....

Our homes are all privately owned so no landlords involved. Environmental health say they can't get involved for the same reason.

We are keeping a diary, as advised to by the police.

Thanks for replying and sharing your experience. Seb.

[Hidden in reply to Sebastian247]

Thanks x

[Neonkittie17 in reply to Hidden]

How awful. I’ve been yelled at in my face and had to jump back as the woman was flailing her arms. Yes it knocks your confidence.

[Hidden in reply to Neonkittie17]

Thanks for your response. It came after 2 years of staying in because of Covid (March last year). My confidence has plummeted, but hadn’t made that connection 🤦🏻‍♀️. Just put it down to Covid itself. Thanks for pointing out the obvious 🤣. Deary me!! x

[Amnesiac3637]

Dear Seb

What an awful thing to have happened to you and your family. It's such a lottery as to who you get as neighbours (and their families) and it seems you’ve come up against a really malicious, unreasonable man who clearly hasn’t an ounce of decency, compassion or normal behavioural mores.

It’s clearly affected you deeply, as it would any of us and, not surprisingly, your mental health has greatly suffered. It certainly doesn’t help that having assumed the police will stop his offending that hasn’t happened so you are left without help and hope which compounds the trauma. I haven’t any solution to your problem but have been affected, as anybody would be, by your unhappiness and anxiety and sincerely hope a way out will be found before long which will allow you to live a normal life without fear. All best wishes to you.

[Sebastian247 in reply to Amnesiac3637]

Thank you so much for your understanding and empathy. I've been disappointed in myself with how it's effected me. I feel ashamed and weak by my reaction.I know I shouldn't feel that way. Sadly I've always struggled with my mental health, which has its roots in childhood. Whilst the situation is different the fundamentals are the same. A person more powerful than me subjecting me to physical and emotional harm.

An event like this just takes me back there, pure terror. Clearly I'm not an alpha male, just a small bloke who is passive by nature and overly keen to be liked. So standing up for myself takes enormous courage. And as you say the lack of action by the police just compounds the trauma.

I am so lucky that my wife is so strong and supportive. She's amazing.

Thanks for the opportunity to talk about it.

Seb

[Neonkittie17 in reply to Sebastian247]

Stay strong and you’re right not to let these people try walk all over you. They do often know when someone is passive and tolerant and they take advantage. You’re in this together with your wife who sounds to be the perfect support. Just as my OH is to me in our neighbour madness 💗

[Hidden in reply to Sebastian247]

I have Complex - PTSD too. Abusive behaviour triggers us and brings everything back. Surviving is Strength. Try and remember that ❤️.

[Sebastian247 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you. I'm sorry you also have C PTSD. I was only diagnosed a decade ago, despite poor mental health since childhood that went ignored. It seems easier to be defined by our weaknesses rather than take comfort in our own strengths.

[Hidden]

victimsupport.org.uk/

Get in touch with these x

[Sebastian247 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks. I have been in touch with victim support, the charity rather than the police service. I can't speak highly enough of them.

[Neonkittie17]

I’m so sorry to hear all of this and I do recall you telling us before. Mean and maladjusted people sadly exist, and so do good ones and you should not have had to pay for and install CCTV, but I would have done too if it is a deterrent to this awful person and family. I can imagine the anxiety as we’ve had quite a lot of that too, but not on your scale. We live next door to tenants ... The Munsters. In fact Munsters would be a delight compared to this lot. They are tenants but I am not in any way insulting tenants as several of the previous one have been lovely. These have zero respect and dodgy in every way. 😑

All sorts of nasties including growing weed in the back bedroom .. windows wide open and blinds permanently down (that vile stench made my bronchitis worse last year) and dealing it with people calling round to buy it. (Brown jiffy bags at midnight on their doorstep.) Other 4 lots of decent neighbours can’t stand them either. Car welding business (illegal MOT failures too being sold) and welding inside the house they rent??? 🤦🏻‍♀️ .. and failing to maintain property and garden and verbal abuse and theft of items from our garden. Vandalism of my OH’s company car. Also destroyIng/subsiding our front garden wall from driving fast on that pavement. Our garden is so lovely too.

Latest/current is a mountain of smelly wine and beer bottles in the back garden with dregs in them attracting flies. 🤨😑😢 We went round to check where the nasty smell was coming from when they went out in their Munster-mobile. 🤮 I’m sorry those horrible people and that maladjusted guy were/are doing this to you and understand your anxiety. Hope the CCTV deters them. 🙏🏻💗

[Sebastian247 in reply to Neonkittie17]

Thanks for being so supportive. Your neighbours sound a nightmare too. I can't relate to anyone who would deliberately harm or cause their neighbour unhappiness. Why? The ongoingness of it must take its toll on you and yours.

Fingers crossed things improve for you also. Best wishes. Seb.

[Neonkittie17 in reply to Sebastian247]

💗 Thank you. You’ve done nothing wrong, it’s them who are awful. Hopefully they’ll behave due to the cctv. 🙏🏻

[Paisley58 in reply to Neonkittie17]

Christ your neighbours are a real nightmare. You shouldn't have to live like this, I truly hope this resolves soon, the impact on your health is cause enough, they need to go, I am so sorry.

[Neonkittie17 in reply to Paisley58]

At least they haven’t been nasty to the level Seb’s have been. 😑😢 They aren’t English but that’s no excuse and I’m not bothered where they come from (Europe) but they pretend they can’t understand us speaking English then we hear them talking English! 🤷‍♀️

[Paisley58 in reply to Neonkittie17]

people being yuck for no reason, how sad their lives must be

[Neonkittie17 in reply to Paisley58]

Yes. We’ve got the bank holiday weed BBQs either side of us to look forward to. 😑 We will go out for the day somewhere quiet to avoid them.

[Paisley58]

I am so sorry this has happened to you and this guy has been allowed to get away with it.😡

I was bullied by my neighbours for years, I had to keep a diary, reporting to the council and the police. It wasn't until the C.A.B suggested installing CCTV and to continue keeping a record of everything they done. It took a year but it worked, they were given an ASBO and removed by the landlord. I can only hope that you will have the same success with the camera's but honestly it was truly difficult and very time consuming.

It sounds like you are suffering from PTSD and it's a shame that you don't have any mental health support. Please go back to your GP or Qwell an online mental health site. Please don't suffer in silence and although this was an awful experience thank you for sharing. Praying for your reprieve and justice. Sending you a huge hug, so sorry this is just awful. love and light.

[Neonkittie17 in reply to Paisley58]

Hideous. 😫You shouldn’t have had to pay for cctv either but understand why you did with your neighbours from hell. Ugh. 🤨😑

[Stills]

how dreadful for you both, I’ve experienced intimidation so empathise. I applaud your strength in pursuing this with the police but SHAME on the system that tolerates people like this troglodyte. Is there neighbour watch or a similar set up you could join? Please don’t let the actions of this sub human ruin your days. I’m sending you every positive vibe Seb x

[Fruitandnutcase]

That is absolutely appalling Seb. No wonder you are anxious. It must have been a terrifying experience.

Awful that the police can or are prepared to do so little too but sadly that really doesn’t surprise me either. I agree with the others - keep a diary with dates and times and the names of any possible witnesses. Hopefully your CCTV will pay off and frighten him off. It is so wrong that decent people are made to feel unsafe in their own homes.

I think your reaction to what has happened is completely normal. I’d say there was something wrong if it didn’t affect you like it has done. I hope you can get help to come to terms with it all. In the meantime just keep thinking there’s nothing wrong with you - it’s them.

[mchokozi]

I am so terribly sorry you are going through this situation and experienced this profoundly traumatic event. My heart goes out to you and your wife, and I can only imagine how vulnerable you both feel. Good for you for investing in CCT cameras. Do take care, and I hope soon you have video footage that clearly reflects the type of person this man really is.

[Green230461]

My heart goes out to you. Take care

[BeachsideVia]

Don’t Provoke! This person is not well. Be boring to him. Let him focus on other provocations. I know how this can get you down. Humans can be treacherous! Goes back to the beginning. Cain and Abel. Humans are flawed. Those of us who choose to be good people are blessed. You are blessed!

[Plumcrumble]

So sorry you have been through a terrible ordeal, I'm a firm believer that what goes around comes around, sending you best wishes.

[Sebastian247 in reply to Plumcrumble]

Thank you.

[Sebastian247]

I just wanted to thank everyone for the kindness, support and advice. One impact of the assault has been to make me feel isolated. Whilst others around us enjoy their gardens in the sunshine, our world is totally different.

So your support and sharing of experiences has helped me feel less alone in this. Thank you all. Seb.